I think I was in denial...

[Jellybabe]

This might be long so please bear with me...

I think I have been in denial with this all. I think I suffer from panic disorder (not been diagnosed yet), some depression and anger issues.

A while back, I had some heart palpitations which made me a bit anxious. Had like 3 after each other and I kept 'waiting' for it again. Felt like I was going to pass out. About 2 months after, I had a proper panic attack without any obvious trigger. Might have been underlying stress or depression. I was laying in bed about to sleep and got the dying feeling, detachment, heart racing, shivering etc. Called nhs helpline coz was feeling so bad. Went to dr next day and did EKG, but no problems. Since then, I've had mild attacks. First feeling is of detachment, then heart palpitations and feeling/thoughts (almost sure of it) that I am going to have heart attack. Just talking about it or hearing/thinking of it, will cause extreme anxiety. I will even lay at nite feeling my heartbeat, and start panicking!! I can control them, and divert them, but its affecting everyday life, as I have them about everyday. Sometimes I might feel palpitation or racing heart and even feel my pulse and panic when i cant find it immediately! I find theses attacks often at nite when I am trying to fall asleep and takes ages as I am trying to evade a feeling of panic (I presume coz its when I first had an attack was when trying to sleep) and I find myself waking up just after falling asleep as if I had a fright, and cant recall if I had a dream that caused it)Seems strange, i know.:shrug: When we go to dr (not even app for me) I might think, i am safe now, if i have a heart attack they can help!! Its as if my mind keeps steering towards a though of death. I sometimes sit and think 'ashleigh (daughter) has been napping quite long and panic and think she might be dead. And think I should go see coz i might be sitting here while somethings happening!!

In line of depression, I wake up in the am's, and not look forward to the day. To me, same day everyday. Dont feel like going out, constantly tired (even if I had good sleep)wake up tired and feel better in the day, but at end of day tired. Mainly as if I have no energy. Feeling of anger, I snap easy at my kids, finding myself shouting, before taking time to think. I get so angry that I chuck thinks around. Get anry and hate myself for doing that and reacting like that.

I dont know if i am overreacting, sometimes feel that its not big issue. Sometimes too much too bear. Always so indecisive and forgetfull. Is there something wrong with me? Should I seek medical help?:weep:

[unspoken]

Hi,

You should definitely talk to your doctor about this anxiety and depression. Just talking through your problems with the doctor may help you to face your fears and feel calmer about them. The doctor may also prescribe you antidepressants or other medication, such as beta blockers to lower your heart race and reduce the physical symptoms of panic. Don't be afraid to go back to your doctor for regular support as needed. You may find it helpful to be referred to CBT or counselling to help you to deal with your panic and other feelings.

Write down a list of your problems and feelings and what times of day they affect you and take it with you to the doctor so you don't forget anything important :)

[Veronica H]

:welcome:to NMP.There is a brilliant book by Dr Claire Weekes;SELF HELP FOR YOUR NERVES ISBN 0-7225-3155-9.This is available from the NMP shop. Dr Weekes was a physician and scientist. She was a fellow sufferer (nominated for the nobel prize for medicine) and really understood this illness. She took the mystery out of it, and devised a simple programme for recovery. I can't recommend this enough. This will get better.

Here is a link to her site;

http://www.drclaireweekes.co.uk/


Veronica

[andrea thompson]

hiya hon
recently i was really bad with anxiety. i recognised all the symptoms but thought i was in control until one day i just couldnt stand it any more. the worst thing of all was not having the patience to deal with my little boy. like you i was upset and angry. short tempered and tired. i called the dr in floods of tears, in a right state. i was asked to go for an appointment the next day.. i fealt better after just speaking to the dr on the phone. i went to the dr with a list of my symptoms and he reckomended citalopram. i had no qualms about taking the medication - i just wanted to get better. my state has gradually improved each day.. it hasnt all been plain sailing but it has been four weeks now and i am so much better than before.

i would say definatly go to your g.p. and discuss your feelings. dont prolong it. go and get the help you need.

i hope you feel better soon.

take care
andrea x x

[magic girl]

i agree you should go back to your g.p,iv suffered on and off for years and sometimes when it sneakes up on me again i try to ignore it but it does'nt help you need to face it head on.you've made the first step by admitting you have a problem and your doctor can give you meds if you want them,i swear by them if i did'nt take them i dont think i would be here still also ask your doc to refurre you for cbt or anxiety managment as it will help to get to the bottom of what started it:hugs::hugs:

[Typer]

Veronica, I also just started this book and I think it's great and really helped. Jellybabe it is worth purchasing.

I can relate to everything you have said - you are not alone, none of us are thankfully and thanks to this wonderful site