Memory Loss

[Claire50]

Hi all,

I am new to all this, and am wondering if when you suffer from anxiety you can forget what someone has said to you. My husband appears to be very anxious and I have been advised to be more assertive and stand up to him, which in turn I feel increases his anxiety. If I tell him how I feel etc a few hours later he cannot remember that we have had the conversation. In turn unfortunately I have become depressed because I felt that my feelings are being ignored. How likely is it that he is not ignoring me but that he has no memory of what I have said. He also suffers with mild OCD's.

Thank you.

[Maj]

We can only guess how your husband is feeling as we don't really know. Yes, I think when you are very anxious you can be so personally introspected that you can only think about yourself and how you are feeling and can't really take in what people are saying to you. It's not ignorance, it's just that we can't help it when we feel like this. Anxiety and depression can overwhelm you and take over your life. I don't know if this is the case with your husband - only he can answer that. And yes, I can understand that it can't be easy living with someone who you feel is ignoring you. I think if you temporarily forget about the assertiveness you've been advised to do and sit down and have a heart to heart with your husband then you might both be able to work out where you both stand? It's rotten when both of you feel bad. I hope you both turn a corner.
Myra:hugs:

[unspoken]

Hi, when I was at my lowest points over the past couple of months with anxiety, I struggled to concentrate on conversations and remember what I'd been doing or saying. Anxious thoughts are loud and repetitive and make it hard for any other thoughts to get in. It must be difficult for you to live with.

Perhaps write down for him the main points of how you feel, he may find that if he can go back to it at his own pace, he'll remember more and understand better. Has he seen a doctor about his anxiety?

[loulabella]

Hi hun,

Is he on any meds for his anxiety as some of these affect your memory...

L x

[Claire50]

Thank you for your help. My husband is not on medication but waiting for a referral for CBT, but it is of great help for me to understand it may be memory loss.

[Bill]

My hunch is that it isn't memory loss but that he never really took in what you were saying in the first place because either he closed his mind off because being assertive made him feel too stressed or he was pre-occupied with his own thoughts.

Being assertive is ok but you also need a diplomatic sensitive touch so that he isn't made to feel under pressure because too much pressure makes a sufferer back away. A sufferer will often need motivation but it needs to be done with patience and tact.

Try not to get upset or lose your temper. Express your feelings with a gentle approach rather than being emotional or heavy handed because a calm relaxed approach can be much more effective.

By the way, please don't think I'm implying anything against you because I don't know enough about what's happening. I'm really speaking in a "general" sense when dealing with anxiety.:hugs:

[Claire50]

Hi,

I would like a bit more advice if possible. Regarding the above, I always try talking to him with great sensitivity and being very careful to choose my words in case I start off his anxiety. He appears to understand when I am talking to him, but will at a later date totally forget everything we have talked about and when I gently remind him he gets very anxious. I also now write it down for him to refer to but he doesn't like reading.

We are attending relate and she advises me to be more assertive and that I treat him like a fragile piece of china that would break if I was assertive. But the problem is he does appear to break when I am assertive and he becomes very very anxious. She has advised that he is bullying me and being verbally abusive, and I think he does this when he is anxious. He says things to me like "I am not going to give an inch just in case you take a mile" which later he cannot remember saying or in fact even believes when he is not anxious.

As you can probably tell I am still confused as to how I can deal with his anxiousness, and appreciate the help being given.

[june]

:hugs:I would talk to your husbands doctor (if poss without him being there) memory loss IS part of anxiety / stress BUT as the others have said - we do not know how to advise on this.
Relate and 'confidence classes' are very good at telling you to be assertive - BE aware that 'they' don't know your hubby as well as you.

Personally:blush: I think you need more help while waiting for CBT.
:hugs:In effect you are becoming the 'carer' and you need to helped to understand hubby's 'condition'.
These are only my personal thoughts:hugs:
Best wishes to you
June
:hugs: