why now

[summersmum]

hey guys

basically i decided new year.. new start! i told myself i would get better. and o look what a surprise i am back to how i was at beggining! i fort i was doing so well and it seems its just creeped back up on me!

basically when i was first like this i just wanted to aattack my partner all the time! and for no reason what so ever.. i wud be soo snappy and loose my temper over anything! which all seemed to disappear aftter i started councilling.. my councilling sessions was ended cus they limited to 8.. in totally ive had 18.. i didnt mind my councilling ending as i felt i was alot better and surprise surprise i am back to being the nutty wreck i was b4!

for example today i asked my partner to put my daughter in his sisters car as i was going tesco with her.. and he was to busy with his car so i lost it.. and said fine i will do it myself,,, i asked him to becuz she is very heavy in a car seat and i was gettin her bag ready.. so i felt the urge to hit him so i hit the wall..

i mentioned to him about seeing the doctor again cus i hate feeling like this.. and he said yeh u r slightly stressy which gues what i lost it again! slightly stressy?? HELLO!! grrr even winding me up talking about it lol

does any 1 get this or can u offer any advise so fed up of feeling like this.. feel so down as i feel i came so far like i was scared of having my curtains open incase any 1looked in and i managed to open the curtains my self which is such a great acheivement for me.. however i feeel like ive taken about 100 steps back.. why now when i was doin so well!!

advise would be much appreciated!

summersmum x:weep:

[Bill]

Because your underlying stresses have never actually gone away.

im a full time mum and i work in a nursing home so i have to balance alot..

I take it you're still a full time Mum and still work in a nursing home so therefore you're still having to cope with alot and you feel you're not getting any help or support which then makes you blow up because you feel so stressed because everything is being left on your shoulders to deal with.

I think the balance needs to be reduced for you to get better but I realise reducing workload isn't always possible. However, you need to find time for yourself by allowing yourself "me time" so you can relax for a while. Sometimes when we don't get the support we need, we need to shout that bit louder before things get better. And yes, I often get that urge to want to hit something!:blush:

By the way, there are 2 types of stresses that can make us feel ill-

Stress in our daily activities i.e. our workload and Emotional stress caused by past trauma, hurt, pain etc. Both need to be addressed before we feel better. Therefore, we need to look at any possible ways to ease our workload and also find relaxation time, and then learn how to come to terms with our past and develop techniques to deal with the feelings that have resulted.:hugs:

[summersmum]

i cant rele afford to cut my work hours.. i try to relax when daughter in bed but then there is the house work shower dinner n bed,, rang the doctors today and got a ppointment on wednesday just wish they can help me and not force me to take anti depressants.. i rele dont want tox

[Bill]

Ad's will help to ease your feelings but they won't ease your stresses that are causing your bad felings.

I can quite understand how difficult it is for you though.

Sometimes it really isn't possible to do anything about work hours because bills have to be paid but there are things at home that you should attempt that would benefit you.

Firstly, doesn't your partner ever support you in the home with housework, cooking etc? I know some blokes don't care enough but he Should if he wants to help you get better! A woman shouldn't be expected to work both at work And in the home when they have a partner who says they loves them! I'd say, Prove it by helping more!

Have you any friends, relatives or even your partner who can look after you daughter once a week say so that you can take a break from everything by going out to enjoy yourself with friends or so you could join a group of some kind for a bit of relaxation? We all need a break from our every day constant stresses or we Do end up too ill to cope.

Have you ever considered classes of some kind such as yoga, meditation etc?

Try asking your doctor if they will refer you to the local mental health team so you can access groups that they hold that would help you.

You will feel trapped by all the stresses around you so you Really need to find "me time" by finding ways to give you that time to allow yourself a break before you "break".:hugs:

[fishman65]

Hi Summersmum,I'm so sorry you feel you have slipped back to how you previously felt.One point to pick up on here though is to try to avoid putting more pressure on yourself by telling yourself to get better in a certain time period.We all do this from time to time,myself included,and new year is a particularly vulnerable time because of all the self-imposed pressures we load on to our own shoulders.'New year resolutions' and all that nonsense.We will be better when we're better,its as simple as that.If I go through a bad spell I take things a day at a time,literally.

I think Bill came up with some good suggestions there.I think you might find yoga or meditation very useful,especially if you don't want to go down the anti-dep road.In support of anti-deps though,they are very useful at reducing these obsessive thoughts you seem to be experiencing,for instance concerning the curtains being opened or closed.I'm assuming these fears are based around the safety of your daughter?Fear is an emotion and therefore has a tendency to be irrational,anti-deps are effective at filtering out these kinds of obsessive thoughts and helping to see the situation for what it really is.I just wish I could tell myself all this when I'm anxious about walking into a shop!! lol I also agree with Bill about your partner,he really does need to be aware of how you are feeling.Do you find you are able to tell him about your worries?Let me know how you get on and take good care ok?

Keep safe, Fishy :hugs: