I Can't Go On Like This

[Corinne]

Every night I am full of hope for the next day. But when I wake up with my upper body vibrating like a tuning fork, I just lay there and cry.

I manage to get up and feel halfway normal except for the dizziness, fear and anxiety. As the day wears on, any pressure against my back or arms makes me feel the vibration, though not as strong as it is upon waking. The waking vibrations are in my chest, back, arms, hands and sometimes head. I should add that these morning bad vibrations go away for the most part after I get myself out of bed and move around. I can feel weaker internal vibrations all through the day.

I'm afraid to go to sleep because I know what the morning will bring. I've Googled into a frenzy because now I've added Nocturnal Epilepsy to my list.

I wanted to go to the bank and the gas station today. I'm afraid that I'm getting entrenched in the house again. I know I won't go. It would involve cleaning all the snow off the car and braving the cold. I know it's an excuse.

It's just not worth it anymore. Please, I am not considering suicide. I want to live. I'm just so tired of suffering. I've suffered with HA all my life, but I know something physical is wrong. I am so tired.

Thanks for reading.

[Maj]

Corinne I really feel for you. I've never had those symptoms before and it must be a nightmare. No wonder it's a thought to wake up in the morning. Surely the doctor has taken blood tests, etc? Anxiety causes so many symptoms, each one unique to us, so yes it could well be anxiety. I think you said before you had started an anti-depressant? Have you felt no benefit from them? I'd see my doctor again because it's ridiculous to suffer like this. When you're suffering almost 24 hours a day it's obvious that you need more help.
Myra:hugs:

[Corinne]

Thank you, Myra. You're always so kind.

I stopped taking the Zoloft. It was making me worse. I just took some Ativan. I hope it helps.

My blood work came back normal. I'm wondering about a sleep study. I'm just sick of everything. I feel old and useless, like I'm just taking up space.

I don't think this is anxiety, which elevates my anxiety. Does that make sense?

With all the Googling I've done, I've seen that many people have this but there are NO answers. Something is definately wrong here and they can't find it.

Thanks for answering. You're a nice person.

[andrea thompson]

hi hon...
it sounds awful to be suffering like that.. if i was you i would go see the dr... there must be something they can do to make you feel better... give you some relief... when the symptoms last a long time and go on and on it does your head in i know...

take care hon

andrea x x

[Corinne]

Thank you, Andrea.

I'm always at the doctors.

I still haven't heard the results of the tests they did on my Adrenals and Pituitary. So in the back of my mind I also have cancer. If the 24 hour urine test shows something, I'll have to have further testing and possible surgery -- which scares me to no end.

People shouldn't have to live like this. I watch my friends leading happy and healthy lives and it makes me even sadder. Happy for them but sad for me. I'm no good for anyone, especially myself.

I wish the Ativan would kick in.

[WeeSmallHours]

Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. It is never fun to be in such a state of fear. I think you should try and go out to the bank and gas station today. Or just the bank and walk there (if possible depending on where you live). Getting outside has a tremendous positive impact for me when I am in that state. Any small thing that can get your mind off your worries is a victory. Slowly the small steps start to compound and life improves. One day soon you'll be in a better mental place and look back at today's state of mind and be a stronger person for it.

Do you have someone you trust you can talk to in person? A family member or someone you live with?

[hannybun]

Hello

I'm not sure if mines the same but when my nerves were really playing me up and I used to wake up especially after i woke from a sleep on the sofa my body used to really vibrate inside and out i literally shook and I was convinced I had epilepsy then as soon the anxiety quietened down they lessened and unfortunatley I had other bloomin H A grrrr its annoying!. I do feel for you because they are sacry feelings :( I hope your test results come back clear xxx

[Corinne]

Thank you, WeeSmallHours. That should be my name because I stay up so late avoiding sleep. lol

The bank and the gas station are too far away for me to walk. I have a lot of friends, but they don't understand and I have a fear of being looked at as a freak. My family is very small. I have two daughters. One has no time for problems like this and the other worries about me way too much. I put on a front, which is exhausting. I live alone.

I am going to try to do something. I may not get to the bank or gas station, but I should at least get dressed, put on some makeup and maybe clean the car off. That would be an accomplishment even if I don't leave the house.

Thanks for the encouragement!

[Corinne]

Hi, Hannybun. Thank you.

You had these vibrations too???? You are the first person I have been able to actually talk to who understands. Did you have testing for it? What did your doctor say? How long did it last? Sorry for so many questions, but I am desperate for answers.

BTW, I love your name. A friend of mind does Maltese rescue and one of the pup's name is Hanny. He is my favorite and I keep telling my friend I'm going to sneak up there and grab him!

[WeeSmallHours]

I have a lot of friends, but they don't understand and I have a fear of being looked at as a freak. My family is very small. I have two daughters. One has no time for problems like this and the other worries about me way too much. I put on a front, which is exhausting. I live alone.


I understand not wanting to be looked on as a freak. I keep a lot of my issues close to the chest; I don't want anyone's perception of me to be based on OCD and anxiety. They really don't define my personality.

I live with my girlfriend (been together 5 years) and she knows a fair amount of my issues. Finally talking with her last night about how I have been feeling the past week or so made an almost immediate impact. While I do love reading on this forum and the community here, nothing beats the personal interaction when discussing what's going on between our ears.

Maybe you should sneak up and snag that Maltese! We have two dogs and a cat and they are great to be around when feeling down.

[NeverRelaxed]

Corinne, I have had vibrations also...I mainly get them across my chest and upper arms. And they also occur when im in bed..(at the end of the day for me though)...My theory is that its nerve compression...I have damaged nerves before and it took months before it healed...Not so reassuring but im quite certain nothing sinister is going on...Because the vibrations were situated across my chest I was exactly the same as you..freaking out and getting myself so worked up...I though it was my heart! I had 2 ecgs, three physical exams by three diff doctors and was monitored in the hospital for a while...All test came back NORMAL...Nothing wrong with me!!! I still find it hard to accept but im getting there...I would tell you to see your doctor...Just to put your mind at rest because living day to day with levels of anxiety that are so high is not good.

I hope you feel better soon

Tom.

[Going home]

Hi Corinne

You say youve taken some ativan...tell us how you feel after taking them, if the vibrations stop then its probably anxiety. Can I just also say that long term use of tranquilisers (benozos) like ativan, and I took them years ago, can make anxiety symptoms much worse, and you can end up taking higher and higher doses to get the effect you got when you first took them. After all the trouble with them in the past, the doctors are careful about pescribing them and don't like people to take them for too long. They are different from anti-depressants. In the same group of drugs are also librium, valium (diazepam) and tranxene amongst others. How long have you been on ativan and has the dose increased at all?

GH xx

[Corinne]

WeeSmallHours -- You're right. I do have a friend who would understand come to think of it. I should give her a call. As for the Maltese, my friend would kill anyone who tried to get Hanny! Everyone loves that little four pound ball of fluff. I have a dog. I rescued her last February. She's a mini Doxie with a tad of Chihuahua in her. Everyone says she looks like a rat! But I love her and she's safe now.

NeverRelaxed -- I can't tell you how relieved I am that two other people have responded who are or have been experiencing the same thing! Tom, are you still having the vibrations, and how long have you had them? I spoke with my doctor last week. She said my blood work was all normal. I'm just waiting for the other test results. I have an appointment on Jan. 26.

Thank you so much for your replies. They have eased my mind! Bless you all!

I guess there are more people suffering from this other than me.