How Can I Protect My Child From My Depression

[smudger]

Hi. My daughter and husband unfortunately are getting the sharp end of my tongue lately as Im still after 26 odd days suffering with the effects of mirtazapine. I am so snappy n angry over EVERYTHING! I rarely swear n if I do its NEVER infront of my 8 year old and the worst I say is the S word! She is such an untidy child as most are n at the moment I'm laying down the law but I even said I was "BLOODY sick of this messy bedroom" the other day. And Ive said it since. She asked me not to say that 'naughty word' which made me feel dreadful!I am so dissapointed with myself. I sat her down to explain what is wrong with me. I told her that I'm a little sad at the moment and the doctor doesn't know why but because I'm sad I cant sleep and because I cant sleep Im tired all day so thats why I am angry and shouting at the moment. I told her I love her and that Im sorry but hopefully it wont last much longer.She was lovely n said thats okay Mummy ~I still love you. Trouble is, she is so hurt when I do it. I can see it in her eyes. How can I expect an 8 year old to put up with this? I had ICSI (IVF) to have her, I love her to bits. If she does as shes told straight away no problem, its not as if I go looking for something to shout about. She is starting to do as I ask alot quicker now which is very grown up of her (or does my anger upset her that much?) and even helped me unload the car today without asking, first time ever!At the gym she picked our big swim bag up off the floor without me asking. Thats really out of character. I think she understands Im unwell which in itself is good, but its good for me, not her! My question is what can I say or do to make it easier for her. Whatever happens to me, I don't want her scarred by all this.

[Going home]

We always want to protect our kids from the bad things. She sounds like such an amazing little girl, and you sound like a great mommy...my heart goes out to you. She seems to actually understand the fact that life isn't always easy, and she can see that you sometimes struggle with your illness and she wants you to feel better so she's trying to help you feel better, bless her heart. Don't feel guilty, you have depression and its an illness so maybe you won't always be able to protect her from it...most times with the right meds yes, but sometimes she'll get a glimpse of it...and her appreciation of your struggle with it will make her a better person in the long run.

I don't know very much about medication for depression but perhaps you should tell your doctor that you're still waiting to turn a corner with whatever is supposed to be making you feel better. Maybe they take this long? Someone on here would know more about this than me.

Take care, and try not to worry about your daughter too much, sounds like you're both doing the best you can.

GH xxx

[smudger]

Thank you. Your nice words have made me cry. She is a great. Its so hard because I want to protect her. Its my illness not hers! My friend would never cry infront of her children and one day a while ago I reasoned with her that children should see when Mums n Dads are upset sometimes because it helps them realise that parents are human too, and that empathy is a two way thing. I realise its a good lesson for children.Its easy to tell my friend that but to take my own advice?Well thats a different matter! Think thats something I need to work on. Thanks again. Your reassurance is so helpful to me.Take care.:)

[KK77]

I just wanted to add to GH's post that you speaking to your daughter is also good for her: it'll help to make her a more understanding and mature person in the future. So many kids are confused as to what's going on because parents don't explain and communicate with them. Kids need honesty, which in turn will make them honest and I think you've done the right thing.

I posted before about mirtazapine and anger on another of your threads and I really think it's something you should take up with your GP because there are many other meds you could try.

Take care.

[smudger]

Thanks. good advice. I agree Mel (hope you dont mind me calling u that, its quicker). Im talking to the doc tomorrow and will discuss this anger. Dread starting something else though. Better the devil you know n all that.....!

[BabyRachel]

It is really hard to protect others from depression. You've done a good thing by explaining to her what is going on, so she understands it isnt directed at her. If it helps you out, I'd suggest sitting down with her again and telling her that your unwell, it and it would a great help to you if she could keep doing what she is doing - by picking up her things and helping out - that it is a fantastic help to you and your very proud of her for helping out already.

Maybe also tell her that if she has any questions about you being unwell she can always ask you anytime about them.. That way your not puttig any barriers up.

xx

[smudger]

gr8 idea.I'll do that tomorrow if shes not tired after her first day back at school. Thank you so much!xx

[bellabessnjet]

Hi smudger,
I know exactly how you feel. My son is 7 and also has aspergers, sue to my depression I feel like I've not done enough with him. He'll sit there for hours on his wii or ds and ill be upstairs shaking and crying. Yet when I talked to him he doesn't notice it as much as I thought it would. Of course I still play with him, make him go out etc, but dont feel like I do enough. a relative of mine suffered from agrophobia for many years. she has 3 children, when she asked them years later about what they remembered, there didnt remember their mum as she did. they know she was ill but it didnt effect their memories. (hope that makes sense). I think that although we feel like we're always snapping etc we also control it infront of our children as much as possible. mothers instinct takes over.
Remember your not a bad person and this post shows how much you care.
Angela

[smudger]

Thanks Angela.I wish you all the best with a guilt free recovery but as you say as a Mum its only natural that we feel guilt. Im going to take onbourd whats been said n try n step back sometimes before I judge myself.Really hard though!