reassurance needed please

[danniella]

Hi,
I have already posted a couple of threads but still feel the need to get some more reassurance - especially if Malv is reading this.
I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 17 years and am always able to get myself back up and out but am finding this episode quite hard. It all started on Christmas night after a few months of struggling with money, redundancy, arguments, looking for work, the whole christmas build up etc..... I know enough about all the symptoms and why etc through years of self help and medication of course. I am an avid reader of Dr Claire Weekes that has helped me overcome a lot of my troubles. Just as I was starting to feel a little better a few days ago, I had a small conversation with my 14 year old step Daughter who quite innocently said to me ' the world is going to end in 2012'. I replied straight away ' because the film says it'. BANG ! I then dropped right back down. I have developed a fear now that has turned into a depressive trhought and have been thinking things such as ' what is the point of anything if the world is going to end' and also thoughts such as ' I have to wait 2 years to feel better'. My book explains that I needed to find someone to voice my fears with that will help me put things in perspective. I have spent 4 days in the depth of despair trying to mention how I felt and what I was feeling to my partner ( he haas also suffered depression). Last night I burst into tears and told him exactly what I was thinking and everything I was afraid of. He was fantastic and said that he too had heard his Daughter say what she did and he told me it was poppycock ( I know this deep down) but the reason I have held onto it is because it was said to me when I was still feeling quite vulnerable with the depression. I know all this is right but I am struggling to accept the new point of view. If I was well, I know that this comment would not have bothered me and I would have seen it for what is was - just another scaremonger making money through fear !!! I even saw a trailer for the film whilst in a cinema a few months ago and I didn't give it another thought. I know that in time the memory of this will fade and I will be able to get on with things but for some reason this is holding me back. I have just got a great job (waiting to start) and all I could think about was 'what's the point'. I am dealing everyday with the affects of nerves and depression such as the 'monkey on my back' and 'churning tummy' etc but I know that every moment of my day is holding this fear of the end of the world. My partner as I said was fantastic and reminded me of the amount of times it has been said and also so what if it did because I wouldn't know anything about it. It is easy in times of feeling well to glimpse and hold the facts of it all but I feel really frightened that this thought will prevent me getting well and also a horrible fear that I have to live my life for the next 2 years in fear until the date passes! It seems silly when I write it all down but it grips me very easily. I am currently on 40mg seroxat and I know that without the medication, my depression would be worse. At other times when I have had an episode, I have ran to the Dr telling him my medication doesn't work but he has explained to me that it does but severe stress can override it. I understand all that. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and forget the innocent comment that was made to me a few days ago !!
Please, if anyone can offer me support and understanding I would really appreciate it. x
Danniella :weep:

[claire m]

hi daniella i really understand how you are feeling my son who is nearly 10 is quite sensitive to how people are feeling and he too asked me if the world was going to end in 2012, i explained to him that it was a film and for him to remember how many far fetched films we have watched before.
Something like this will trigger my nerves and depression too in the past it has been asteroid reports in the papers, the new pope, the millenium bug and the hadron collider all which thankfully passed so for 2012 i will be thinking about how i got worked up about these and try to get some perspective for myself.
My husband was made redundant in october and it is an absolute awful thing to go through thankfully he is working again but money is alot tighter now.
As for the depression for me it comes in waves and i just never know how bad its going to get which triggers anxiety for me.
take care.
claire x.

[ladybird64]

Hi Daniella

What an amazing post. :) I'm not malv (:D) but hope I can offer you some support.
I don't suffer from the end of the world thing but do have episodes of depression, I am also and anxiety and phobia sufferer. You know that when we are under strain for whatever reason, particularly if there is a good dose of depression chucked in for good measure, we pounce on certain things that are said to us.

You could just as easily have had this reaction to a harmless remark about something completely unrelated to 2012, it is just something that I do as well and still haven't figured out why.

You know your stuff, you havr read Claire Weekes etc so all I can do is try to reassure you that you are not going to spend the next two years waiting and dreading.
I hate the word "blip" but I honestly think this situation has come about because you have been under so much pressure, it's a normal reaction for something to "give" and holding onto this troubling thought is the result of that.

Its great you have such an understanding partner and you know that everyone here will support you as you get better again.

Take care :flowers:

[fishman65]

Hi Danniella,I'm sorry to hear all this about 2012 has affected you so much.To deal with this issue first,apparently the Mayan calender ends in this year (2012).Thus,all the doom-mongers and like you say,'the money makers',have latched on to it in order to allow themselves to walk the streets with placards proclaiming 'the end is nigh' etc.,and at the same time to make a huge hollywood blockbuster into the bargain.Have any of these alarmists consulted all the other religions and cultures in the world that mention nothing about the year 2012?Of course not,because its not news.Plus a film announcing that nothing in particular is going to happen in 2012 wouldn't fill many cinemas.

Secondly,the way you have reacted to this speculative nonsense about 2012 speaks volumes about how we interpret bad news/information when we are anxious and/or depressed.When we feel like this we become very vulnerable to suggestibility.This suggestibility follows on naturally when we hear something calamitous,something that if we were happy or relaxed,we would be more likely to dismiss.But if we are anxious/depressed,we lose our ability to view it objectively and end up taking it to heart.I shall have to print this off and sellotape it to my fridge door when I'm depressed?? :huh: lol.

Anyway Danniella,I hope this helps a little and try to keep your chin up.Feel free to pm if you want to ok?

Hugs, Fishy xx

[Andyroo]

hey there :) i really hope your feeling better i sent you a personal message with a few facts about 2012... its not going to happen... even the mayans that are still around dont believe it... its not possible... i still have a essay me and my good friend are working on with facts about 2012... i will post it to you personaly when its done :):hugs: