danniella
07-01-10, 13:24
Hi,
I have already posted a couple of threads but still feel the need to get some more reassurance - especially if Malv is reading this.
I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 17 years and am always able to get myself back up and out but am finding this episode quite hard. It all started on Christmas night after a few months of struggling with money, redundancy, arguments, looking for work, the whole christmas build up etc..... I know enough about all the symptoms and why etc through years of self help and medication of course. I am an avid reader of Dr Claire Weekes that has helped me overcome a lot of my troubles. Just as I was starting to feel a little better a few days ago, I had a small conversation with my 14 year old step Daughter who quite innocently said to me ' the world is going to end in 2012'. I replied straight away ' because the film says it'. BANG ! I then dropped right back down. I have developed a fear now that has turned into a depressive trhought and have been thinking things such as ' what is the point of anything if the world is going to end' and also thoughts such as ' I have to wait 2 years to feel better'. My book explains that I needed to find someone to voice my fears with that will help me put things in perspective. I have spent 4 days in the depth of despair trying to mention how I felt and what I was feeling to my partner ( he haas also suffered depression). Last night I burst into tears and told him exactly what I was thinking and everything I was afraid of. He was fantastic and said that he too had heard his Daughter say what she did and he told me it was poppycock ( I know this deep down) but the reason I have held onto it is because it was said to me when I was still feeling quite vulnerable with the depression. I know all this is right but I am struggling to accept the new point of view. If I was well, I know that this comment would not have bothered me and I would have seen it for what is was - just another scaremonger making money through fear !!! I even saw a trailer for the film whilst in a cinema a few months ago and I didn't give it another thought. I know that in time the memory of this will fade and I will be able to get on with things but for some reason this is holding me back. I have just got a great job (waiting to start) and all I could think about was 'what's the point'. I am dealing everyday with the affects of nerves and depression such as the 'monkey on my back' and 'churning tummy' etc but I know that every moment of my day is holding this fear of the end of the world. My partner as I said was fantastic and reminded me of the amount of times it has been said and also so what if it did because I wouldn't know anything about it. It is easy in times of feeling well to glimpse and hold the facts of it all but I feel really frightened that this thought will prevent me getting well and also a horrible fear that I have to live my life for the next 2 years in fear until the date passes! It seems silly when I write it all down but it grips me very easily. I am currently on 40mg seroxat and I know that without the medication, my depression would be worse. At other times when I have had an episode, I have ran to the Dr telling him my medication doesn't work but he has explained to me that it does but severe stress can override it. I understand all that. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and forget the innocent comment that was made to me a few days ago !!
Please, if anyone can offer me support and understanding I would really appreciate it. x
Danniella :weep:
I have already posted a couple of threads but still feel the need to get some more reassurance - especially if Malv is reading this.
I have suffered on and off with depression for the last 17 years and am always able to get myself back up and out but am finding this episode quite hard. It all started on Christmas night after a few months of struggling with money, redundancy, arguments, looking for work, the whole christmas build up etc..... I know enough about all the symptoms and why etc through years of self help and medication of course. I am an avid reader of Dr Claire Weekes that has helped me overcome a lot of my troubles. Just as I was starting to feel a little better a few days ago, I had a small conversation with my 14 year old step Daughter who quite innocently said to me ' the world is going to end in 2012'. I replied straight away ' because the film says it'. BANG ! I then dropped right back down. I have developed a fear now that has turned into a depressive trhought and have been thinking things such as ' what is the point of anything if the world is going to end' and also thoughts such as ' I have to wait 2 years to feel better'. My book explains that I needed to find someone to voice my fears with that will help me put things in perspective. I have spent 4 days in the depth of despair trying to mention how I felt and what I was feeling to my partner ( he haas also suffered depression). Last night I burst into tears and told him exactly what I was thinking and everything I was afraid of. He was fantastic and said that he too had heard his Daughter say what she did and he told me it was poppycock ( I know this deep down) but the reason I have held onto it is because it was said to me when I was still feeling quite vulnerable with the depression. I know all this is right but I am struggling to accept the new point of view. If I was well, I know that this comment would not have bothered me and I would have seen it for what is was - just another scaremonger making money through fear !!! I even saw a trailer for the film whilst in a cinema a few months ago and I didn't give it another thought. I know that in time the memory of this will fade and I will be able to get on with things but for some reason this is holding me back. I have just got a great job (waiting to start) and all I could think about was 'what's the point'. I am dealing everyday with the affects of nerves and depression such as the 'monkey on my back' and 'churning tummy' etc but I know that every moment of my day is holding this fear of the end of the world. My partner as I said was fantastic and reminded me of the amount of times it has been said and also so what if it did because I wouldn't know anything about it. It is easy in times of feeling well to glimpse and hold the facts of it all but I feel really frightened that this thought will prevent me getting well and also a horrible fear that I have to live my life for the next 2 years in fear until the date passes! It seems silly when I write it all down but it grips me very easily. I am currently on 40mg seroxat and I know that without the medication, my depression would be worse. At other times when I have had an episode, I have ran to the Dr telling him my medication doesn't work but he has explained to me that it does but severe stress can override it. I understand all that. I just wish I could wave a magic wand and forget the innocent comment that was made to me a few days ago !!
Please, if anyone can offer me support and understanding I would really appreciate it. x
Danniella :weep: