Fed up,empty and down [Archive]

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lajjj

07-01-10, 19:59

KK77

07-01-10, 20:15

I'm not surprised you're feeling so fed up - I think that we all would. You've taken a big step backwards in your eyes but sometimes we go one step back in order to go 2 steps forward. I'm sure you'll eventually move on but I sympathise with how hard it must be to adapt to the change. I think you're doing the right thing by letting your mum feel as though she's in charge but in reality you're the boss and there's plenty to look forward to IMO. It's just a phase you're going through.

I hope you find somewhere and things improve for you.

ZoJo

07-01-10, 21:32

Hi Lajjj,

From what you have been through to where you are now at, you have done brilliantly!! Its the next step you are taking to getting you and your daughter sorted. Mums are great when we have to move in with them!!!:winks: (moved in with mine when I got divorced) I think they think we are still kids etc etc!! Keep at it, you are doing well and its just a stop gap before moving upwards! Good luck on the house finding!!

lajjj

08-01-10, 08:44

Thank you both i think i am dwelling on the bad too much ! i need to start being gratefull for the things in my life which are good...its prob bein made worse with the current weather conditions as well not bein able to go anywhere , having all this time to sit and think! maybe when the snow clears things will seem brighter! xxxx

PoppyC

08-01-10, 13:39

Hi
No wonder you feel so down under the circumstances. I am so sorry for what you have been and are going through.
I think a lot of people feel down more so than usual at this time of the year but you have been through a relationship break up and are living back with your mum, so I can understand why you would feel down, despite the time of year.
Regarding the council housing list, is there any way you could tell the council that your mum has asked you and your daughter to move out - put it down to an argument.
Declare yourself as homeless and you should be rehoused quicker than saying you live at your mums. Would your mum back you up on this? I know it sounds pretty drastic, but usually if the council know someone has a roof already over their head, then they tend to put them lower on the housing list and don't treat their case as a priority.
Have you spoken to SHELTER? I found them to be very good. Citizens Advice are also very good too.
http://england.shelter.org.uk/

Could you explain your situation to your gp and counsellor? Sometimes gps can get involved by contacting the council on your behalf and then you get further points on the waiting list.
Have you applied to any housing associations? Looked in all the local papers? Are there any letting agencies that you could visit?
If you rented privately and are only working part time, you should be able to get some help with your rent and council tax, depending on your wages.
I actually became homeless years ago with my son who was then 2, and I was working part time too, and SHELTER really helped me. We lived at my parents for a while, but my mum and I fell out (she was not easy to live) and I ended up moving out.I remember feeling very down back then. Its not easy, it can be very depressing, and I can relate to how you are feeling. Prior to that I had applied to the council. whilst at my parents, but they just did not want to know as I already had a roof over my head. It was only when I actually became homeless that the council helped me. Obviously don't make yourself homeless! but could you pretend?...go to the council or phone them and explain that you are now without a fixed address and having to sleep on friends sofas etc.
I now have a mortgaged property, but have been all through the renting system in the past. If you want to, feel free to pm me.
You are bound to be feeling down but try and remember that things can improve and won't always be like they are now.
All the best to you. I hope things work out for you.
Hugs :hugs:

NoPoet

08-01-10, 17:06

Yeah Lajjj I remember you telling me about your mother, she is a horror when she wants to be, but I don't remember if you told me why she is like that? Is there any support or help you can give her that might calm her down?

lajjj

09-01-10, 10:15

thank you tetley and poppy c i am trying every thing possible at the moment i see my councellor on monday and he is aware of my situation so hoping he will help me i am also due to see a phychiatrist for a possible bi-polor disorder not the severe type think they call it rapid cycling... so maybe someone can help! think i just need to be patient and try and stay calm ! unfortunatly my mum would not back me up on this as she dose not want my daughter and i to leave she enjoys the control i think ! and would do anything to make my life difficult(trust me the things she has done in the past u would not belive!)my mum hardly ever goes out and trust me psychopoet no one can help her she dose not want to be helped if any one says anything to her she would just explode and not speak to them for months!it can be very uncomfortable and i have to try and keep the peace for my daughter and dads sake!my poor dad has had a really hard time with her but he wont leave her as he cares to much....personally i think she has brainwashed him! i know things will get better i just want it now! ha ha i need my life and freedom and space! she even hates me bein on my laptop as i am not busy running around after her i think its more of an attention thing....i dont know really she has been this way all my life my brother and i had a horrible time as kids...it had a greater affect on him tho as he comitted suicide.think she blames her self for it but it dose not stop her behaviour....tho i dont actually think she knows she is doin it...ha ha am just rambiling on how thinking out loud! wish me luck everyone the only way is up!!!!

bellabessnjet

09-01-10, 18:26

Hi Lajjj,
So soory your going through a rough time, whats the saying 'you cant choose your family' how true is that! Go and put your name on every housing organisation possible, I agree with Poppy about painting a worse picture (if thats possible) about being homeless, unfortunately a lot of councils and organisations will only see you as an urgent case if you are homeless. I know that the idea of maybe a shelter or womens refuge must be really scary but maybe you'd get more help. I really dont know anything to help you but I wish you all the very best of luck and hope you get help quickly. Remember theres always people here to ralk to, and if you want to please feel free to PM me and I will get back to you ASAP. I unfortunately suffer from a back condition, and was advised to use the worst case senarios when I had to claim, I was also told to use the worst examples when my son was getting a statement for school, this is depressing and you feel a lier but unortunately its the way the system works and lots more people do it and dont feel guilty.
All the very best
Angela x:bighug1::bighug1:

KK77

09-01-10, 19:52

Lajjj - I agree that some people will never change unfortunately. We can spend a whole lifetime trying to change or please people, but then we notice that life's passed us by. Do we live our life or do we live someone else's? If someone doesn't hear you the first or second time, why should they hear you the 100th time?

You have a child and responsibilities but you also have your own life. Make sure you keep the balance. When you accept people for who they are rather than who they should be there's a great freedom in it because it also allows you to accept who you are. No one can dictate to you. It's just words.

The minute you flow with life rather than fight it you have so much more energy to focus on the really important things.

So flow with life and things will change for the better.

Take care

london

09-01-10, 19:59

come in chat take your mind off it

gaz1983

10-01-10, 02:23

having one of them days! cant see where im going or what am doing...or a future.. things seem to be getting worse ! i recently split from a long term b/friend as he cheated so my daughter and i have moved back in with my parents....i hate it! my mother is very difficult and its so uncomfortable here my anxiety is getting worse by the day i have no life:( i dont even feel like my daughter is my own anymore as my mother dictates...and we must keep her happy or she makes our lifes even more uncomfortable with her aggressive manner and moaning.i am doin everything i can to find somewhere to live but to no avail the council waiting list is massive where i live ! i am lookin at private lets too....i just feel like its not gonna get better for a long time ! i work part time which gets me out the house but its the only freedom i have:scared15: its driving me mad i have no privacy at all...things have got to get better !i am seeing my cbt on monday....maybe he can help.....anyone any advice! x

Boy do I know this! I know EXACTLY where your coming from

Im 26 and due to redundancy and recently oved back with my dad and sister (whos 24) and the tension and stress is horrendous every little thing you do winds each other up I know exactly how you feel

The door being opened literally makes me shudder as I know it is a sure precursor to being moaned at or some other form of uneccasary stress

Im a big reader of Brian Tracy and its true of you have someone fairly central in your life who is negative and moans then it will have adrip drip effect

My gf often comments that I am soooo much less stressed on the rare occasions I get the place free

Just think though how good its going to feel when you get your own place and for the first time lie on your bed in complete silence knowing no one is going to suddenly come home shouting moving things etc

Thats what keeps me going!!

lajjj

10-01-10, 09:49

thank you everyone for the advice and replies it really helps alot. i am really not sure how long i am gonna be here thats the problem i just want it to end..just be in control of my life again! i have so much support at work and loads of friends but i cant even really see them anymore i feel so trapped they cant visit as my mum never has people in the house and on the rare occassion they have came she made it very uncomfortable...and i cant really go see them as she makes me feel like i should be home doin stuff so if i do go visit people its always in the back of my mind that she wont be happy....you just dont know what reaction you will get when you come home!but she makes sure you know by slamming doors or just by silence i think my anxiety has been caused by her behaviour over the years. i have never done half of the things i wanted to do in my life because i have spent most of my life tryin to keep her happy thats the sad part its all passed by while i have been worrying about her and what she thinks. xxxxx

gaz1983

10-01-10, 15:58

lajj take a tip from me as hard as it is please try your best not to blame your current situation on your parents even though they may have contributed

I did this for years and still do occasionally and it does nothing but drag you down as I can asure you that apology your after will be a long time coming

Tell yourself "I am responsible" whenever you feel like this and go and make the best of it :)

lajjj

10-01-10, 18:28

I think you are right i do tend to dwell alot on the situation which makes me resent my mum even more! everyone has said stuff here that is sticking with me...it is my life and its up to me to change it...but that is the hard part:( xx

london

10-01-10, 20:15

what you do is this every time shes starts you say yes dear no dear
if she gos on a long time bring her a glass of water for her poor voice
it will work i did it to a ex of mine it drives them mad