Families, can't live without them, but sometimes why do they not keep out?

[paulcooper02]

Hi all,
This is only my 2nd post and my first day, and recently I split from my girlfriend after I tried to take my own life. As I mentioned in my welcome post, she has a 6 yr old daughter and she was obviously worried I might do the same again, I have been very low, so she called it a day and I respect her decision and we are still in contact, so why does my mum then start sending her abusive messages and interfering. I know I have also hurt my mum, but I tried to take my own life due to my own issues and it had nothing to do with my ex, things between us were great. I then find out my mum thinks I'm a gambler, which I'm not and then she blames me for not keeping in contact with her ex husband who cheated on her. Jesus I'm 37 yrs old and I feel my mum is trying to still babysit me. Without boring you all, mum left me with my dad when I was 5 yrs old and he then abused me so she feels guilty, but why does she have to interfere? I was beginning to feel I was getting somewhere and then this happens. Sorry about the rant but I'm so angry about it!!!!!

[ZoJo]

The good thing Paul is that you were beginning to feel that you were getting somewhere, so it can be done! And it can be done.
You are not alone on here and its good to rant and get it off your chest.
Sending you hugs :hugs:

[paulcooper02]

Yes I know but why is it I get a set back like this and now I feel like I have to start all over again. I was beginning to see some distant light and the end of a very long tunnel and now that light seems to have faded again. Maybe I am just trying to move to quickly, I don't know. I'm just very confused and now after telling my mum how she made me feel, I feel even worse now!

[Downsinthenorth]

Hi Paul
I was going to offer some words of wisdom, but seeing as I have not managed to deal with my own issues with my mother, I'm hardly in a position to give advice to you. As the poster above said, you can always come on here to talk, to rant, for hugs, etc.

All the best.

[ZoJo]

You have set backs because you are only human. Keep on getting to the end of the tunnel, because you can. You are important, and these things take time, there is no quick fix, sorry to say! But keep at it and as the old cliche says 'these these are sent to try us' and try they do. Don't see it that you have to start again, just see it as the next step forward and keep on talking.....it helps!

[ZoJo]

These things.....not these these (Sorry)

[paulcooper02]

I don't feel important right now ZoJo, I feel empty, lonely, a loser and a failure. I have messed up my relationship with both my girlfriend who is now my ex but I love her with all my heart and her daughter, I have upset family, I have caused heartache. I have also caused stress to my ex who herself has her own issues in an eating disorder and because she now feels not in control of her life is making herself suffer by starving herself and it's all my fault because if I hadn't tried to take my own life then everything would be ok and she wouldn't be suffering like me and we would both be happy and to be honest I don't mind admitting I'm really struggling with it all

[ZoJo]

You are feeling like you do because what you have been through is still very raw. Time is what it takes, give yourself time, and start the road to recovey.
I'm one for positive thoughts as its those that have got me to the place I am now - I am sending you oudles of positive thoughts!!

[suzy-sue]

:hugs:You have so many different issues to deal with at once .Its hardly suprising you are feeling like this .But nothing ever stays the same if you are prepared to slowly take small steps to sort things out .Parents will always try to defend you no matter how old you are .But I do think if you had a heart to heart talk with your Mum and explain how she is making you feel ,she would try to understand ..If you cant talk maybe write her a letter ..You were obviously very ill to do what you did and you should not feel responsible for your exs trouble with her eating disorder .But I do understand you feel responsible ,but you wernt in a frame of mind at the time, to be accountable She needs to get help with this .Once she has gotten through this bad period ,im sure given time you will be able to work something out between you so you can at least be on speaking terms .& hopefully build some bridges .When you are unwell its very difficult to be able to cope with someone elses mental health issues as well as your own .Life is not always good ,but its worth fighting for .There are always people here if you need to talk .,Its always a comfort knowing so many on here have got through similar experiences and come through the other side .Take each day at a time ,things will get better I promise .Hugs Sue xx

[KK77]

I think it's very important to take a deep breath Paul, because it seems like your brain is going a million miles an hr and it's not getting you anywhere. You can't be responsible for everyone. You have to be responsible for yourself first otherwise your mental condition will get worse - whereas if you concentrate on your actions rather than everyone else's around you then you'll be in a better position to cope with all the difficulties you're having.

As Sue says, you have a lot of things to deal with and it's important to take one step at a time. Don't look back and say "Well, I was doing so well, what happened?" because sometimes in life we need to take a step backwards before we can move forwards. Again, you can't control all of life's events. And knockbacks are inevitable - it's how you deal with it that's important.

You really need to take a deep breath and calm down so you can see things more clearly. Then making the right decisions will be easier for you.