Hears The Water
01-02-04, 03:26
I need some help putting this all in perspecitve. This will be pretty long, I think. When I started this whole anxiety/panic/phobia thing ten years ago, I thought that I was a bad Christian. I mean, if someone realy trusted in God, then there would be no need for fear, right? The scripture is full of verses about that. I have spent the last 9 years thinking I was a failure. A failure as a woman, mother, wife, person and most of all like I said, as a Christian. Then I met a woman in September at my homeschool Co-op that has been agorophobic for 15 years and had "overcome" it. She re-inforced a recent belief that I had picked up that the whole fear thing was a spiritual battle. I don't know if any of you beleive in spiritual warfare, or not but I do. So here I was struggeling with this trying to denounce the spirits of fear and to not listen to the lies that I believed that Satan was tossing at me. That kind of gave me an "out". The scary thouht where just lies told to me by the devil. This relieved me of any "responsibility". Don't get me wrong here, this did not become an obsession, I have plenty of those, there realy are people over here that beleive like this.
Then I was going to counceling about the same time and the councelor in training told me that she did not see it as a failure as a Christian, as we are human creatures made of the years of our lives, our thoughts and feelings and experiences. So it would make sense that given my crappy childhood of abuse I would have some serious issues. Then about a month ago I found this site. Everything here makes so much sense!!!!! I have so many of the symptoms and thinking processes. I had on my own found that if I stand up to the fears it makes it easier to face them down, I found out on my own that if I distract myself by working, or walking or drawing or writing that it made my life easier. So I am kinda confused about some points. I know I should find a preacher to help me with these questions but most of them do not understand panic problems. So I am curious how those of you that are Christians have resloved some of these issues. So here goes.
1. If these are chemically or emotionally induced, then am I not sinning per se when I freak out about something?
2. If these thoughts are years of conditioning myself to react to scary thoughts, where does this put spiritual battles?
3. Where does praying and relying on God's guidence and strength come into play here?
I still feel like such a huge failure especially when I am in the middle of a freak out. Like I am not working on this hard enough. Like tonight I have a cold and I have been obsessing about having a fever all night. It has escelated to the point that I am making myself crazy. I go somewhere where it is cold to cool my face down (can anyone guess why it is red and hot???) and then my body gets cold and I freak out that it is the chills, so I go warm up and then it starts all over again, my face is hot. I know I should just sit down somewhere and relax and let my body regulate its self. I shoud just face the fear and calm down. But I feel trapped in such a vicious cycle. Can you tell I am confused? Thanks in advacne for any help you can give me. IF you would rather reply to me privatley my email is hearsthewater@yahoo.com
God Bless you and yours
Debbie
Then I was going to counceling about the same time and the councelor in training told me that she did not see it as a failure as a Christian, as we are human creatures made of the years of our lives, our thoughts and feelings and experiences. So it would make sense that given my crappy childhood of abuse I would have some serious issues. Then about a month ago I found this site. Everything here makes so much sense!!!!! I have so many of the symptoms and thinking processes. I had on my own found that if I stand up to the fears it makes it easier to face them down, I found out on my own that if I distract myself by working, or walking or drawing or writing that it made my life easier. So I am kinda confused about some points. I know I should find a preacher to help me with these questions but most of them do not understand panic problems. So I am curious how those of you that are Christians have resloved some of these issues. So here goes.
1. If these are chemically or emotionally induced, then am I not sinning per se when I freak out about something?
2. If these thoughts are years of conditioning myself to react to scary thoughts, where does this put spiritual battles?
3. Where does praying and relying on God's guidence and strength come into play here?
I still feel like such a huge failure especially when I am in the middle of a freak out. Like I am not working on this hard enough. Like tonight I have a cold and I have been obsessing about having a fever all night. It has escelated to the point that I am making myself crazy. I go somewhere where it is cold to cool my face down (can anyone guess why it is red and hot???) and then my body gets cold and I freak out that it is the chills, so I go warm up and then it starts all over again, my face is hot. I know I should just sit down somewhere and relax and let my body regulate its self. I shoud just face the fear and calm down. But I feel trapped in such a vicious cycle. Can you tell I am confused? Thanks in advacne for any help you can give me. IF you would rather reply to me privatley my email is hearsthewater@yahoo.com
God Bless you and yours
Debbie