Trying to reslove all of this as a Christian.....

[Hears The Water]

I need some help putting this all in perspecitve. This will be pretty long, I think. When I started this whole anxiety/panic/phobia thing ten years ago, I thought that I was a bad Christian. I mean, if someone realy trusted in God, then there would be no need for fear, right? The scripture is full of verses about that. I have spent the last 9 years thinking I was a failure. A failure as a woman, mother, wife, person and most of all like I said, as a Christian. Then I met a woman in September at my homeschool Co-op that has been agorophobic for 15 years and had "overcome" it. She re-inforced a recent belief that I had picked up that the whole fear thing was a spiritual battle. I don't know if any of you beleive in spiritual warfare, or not but I do. So here I was struggeling with this trying to denounce the spirits of fear and to not listen to the lies that I believed that Satan was tossing at me. That kind of gave me an "out". The scary thouht where just lies told to me by the devil. This relieved me of any "responsibility". Don't get me wrong here, this did not become an obsession, I have plenty of those, there realy are people over here that beleive like this.
Then I was going to counceling about the same time and the councelor in training told me that she did not see it as a failure as a Christian, as we are human creatures made of the years of our lives, our thoughts and feelings and experiences. So it would make sense that given my crappy childhood of abuse I would have some serious issues. Then about a month ago I found this site. Everything here makes so much sense!!!!! I have so many of the symptoms and thinking processes. I had on my own found that if I stand up to the fears it makes it easier to face them down, I found out on my own that if I distract myself by working, or walking or drawing or writing that it made my life easier. So I am kinda confused about some points. I know I should find a preacher to help me with these questions but most of them do not understand panic problems. So I am curious how those of you that are Christians have resloved some of these issues. So here goes.
1. If these are chemically or emotionally induced, then am I not sinning per se when I freak out about something?
2. If these thoughts are years of conditioning myself to react to scary thoughts, where does this put spiritual battles?
3. Where does praying and relying on God's guidence and strength come into play here?

I still feel like such a huge failure especially when I am in the middle of a freak out. Like I am not working on this hard enough. Like tonight I have a cold and I have been obsessing about having a fever all night. It has escelated to the point that I am making myself crazy. I go somewhere where it is cold to cool my face down (can anyone guess why it is red and hot???) and then my body gets cold and I freak out that it is the chills, so I go warm up and then it starts all over again, my face is hot. I know I should just sit down somewhere and relax and let my body regulate its self. I shoud just face the fear and calm down. But I feel trapped in such a vicious cycle. Can you tell I am confused? Thanks in advacne for any help you can give me. IF you would rather reply to me privatley my email is hearsthewater@yahoo.com
God Bless you and yours
Debbie

[Meg]

Dear Debbie,

If you post on here then I'll reply on here.

I was brought up as a High Days and Ceremonies Christian and have had some grapplings with a variety of religions by the country I was living in at various times in my life .

Please feel to disregard anything I write.They are just my thoughts and opinions.

'I mean, if someone realy trusted in God, then there would be no need for fear, right?'
In an ideal world I guess thats right but we are brought up in a world where we are taught and learn from real life experiences that we need to make our our own decisions and are accountable to ourselves, our nearest and dearest and eventually God . Mostly, we pay more attention to the here and now and, providing we're not breaking the law or being evil, assume the rest will take care of itself.

I do not believe anyone is a failure - what is a failure anyway ? Not attaining goals set by yourself, your culture or religion.
Who, in this multi everything world gets to say catagorically theirs is the only way ?
In Govts this changes every so many years with elections, in religion there are so many versions with only slightly different views and noone has proof etcetc

We have been disappointed so many times that fear is a natural by product for all these days. Anxiety is merely a scaling up of this fear.

I fully agree with your counsellor about being a product of our lives, our thoughts and feelings and experiences and how cope with these. I do believe in spiritual beings but do not believe either God or Satan brought this on me, perpetuated it or recovered me .

I would like to think that sometimes there is someone watching over me and gives an odd shove in the right direction but not controlling my every movement. And I do believe in fate - wrong place , wrong time but not that it is entirely fixed.

Some people within religion can be very unreligious about how people learn. As a priest once said, give me a 5 year old for 3 Sundays and I'll scare him into being a perfect attender for life.
Most corporations run on guilt or fear. I don't believe some religions are much different as they need people to stay faithful and loyal and may resort to new ways to maintain their attendance.

As to your questions-

1. You are not sinning when you freak out , you're learning from it and resonding emotionally. All panic is made up of is a high burst of fear, fear is just unlearned experiences - sometimes it takes lots of lessons to learn it and thats ok too.

2. Nowhere for me, although sometimes it would be easier to think that it was truly out of my control, then I guess it would be easier to accept it. I struggled greatly with coming to terms that I was causing all this trouble for myself although I think thats is much preferable than being some other beings plaything or tool.

3. Praying is so comforting and being able to be fully honest in your communications is so helpful. Also there can come with praying a sense of great relief and new hope. As 9/11 was playing out in real time - just about everyone said - Oh My God- it's where we turn in our most desperate hours and many times things can get better by our belief.

As with our internal dialogue , if we say it enough and with conviction we can teach ourselves to believe it. Does it actually matter anyway as long as it feels right, brings comfort and isn't hazardous.

With your cold - you did get it then !

You can freak out but it won't help you so yes, settling down is best , put some belief into that your body can deal with the virus, help yourself with the usual cold support and wait it out.

These are just my personal thoughts on these points you raise and I do not expect them to be in keeping with anyone elses.







Meg

Watch your thoughts, they become your words...
Watch your words, they become your actions... Watch your actions, they become your habits... Watch your habits, they become your character... Watch your character, it becomes your destiny...

[stimpy]

1. If these are chemically or emotionally induced, then am I not sinning per se when I freak out about something?

You are not actively deciding to panic it is just happening.
You don't wake up and say "today I will panic" - of course you don't.
Techincally you are only sinning if you are concious of what you are doing. Your feelings are chemically and emotionally controlled and dominated by the subconcious, while you are suffering panic disorder, then you are only protecting yourself from scary thoughts by panicing, so it can't be a sin.

2. If these thoughts are years of conditioning myself to react to scary thoughts, where does this put spiritual battles?

You are reacting to scary thoughts, because your built in "personal protection alarm" is telling you to.
The devil is throwing scary thoughts at you and you are protecting yourself, the best way you know how, which is to panic.
Your personal protection alarm is warning you to protect yourself from harm, and nasty thoughts which can only be a good thing.
Think of it as God's way of switching on your over active alarm system you to protect yourself from the scary thoughts.

3. Where does praying and relying on God's guidence and strength come into play here?

God helps those who help themselves.
If you ask him for guidance and strength, to help you over come the scary thoughts the devil has given you, then you use the strength he has given you in a positive way (for example walking around the block). Then he'll give you even more strength to use next time you need it.

That's the way I see things anyway.
Trust me I'm a spiritulist! ;)




Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx

[:p] Panic Monster & Scatty Eccentric