View Full Version : do your family know?
about your panic and/or anxiety?
its really sad to say but mine have no clue!
im 26 married and have 4 children and the only person who knows about my 'problems' is my husband.
my parents have no clue and i must admit i find this hard to deal with at times. for example in march me hubby and kids are going to disney land paris with my mum and im dreading having a 'panic' and so worried ill look a fool. the thing is i really do not know how to approach her to tell her. my anxiety is something that def effects my life.
for example mum recently told me my aunt does not leave her house (accept to go visit my nan, her mum who lives over the road from her) and this is due to panic and mums comment to me about it was 'i dont know what her problem is and why shes like it its really silly' i felt i just wanted to shout 'well im not much better!!!' but i just couldnt bring myself to do so :( i find it very very frustrating!
do your parents/family know about your 'problem' and if so how did you go about telling them??
my family no but they arent very supportive i think its because they dont understand my mum tries to but my partner thinks its all in my head and i bring it on my self he always gets angry that im the way i am like i choose to be like this its very annoying and i can feel it comin between us already my anxiety started a month ago and i dont no if i can go on feeling guilty about it because thats how he makes me feel. like i should be ashamed of myself for letting anxiety take over me.
Going home
09-01-10, 21:53
My parents never knew, my mum only knew about my fears later in life, but my children grew up with my anxiety unfortunately. They saw the effects that tranquilisers had on me and then the withdrawal from them. A long time ago now...my eldest son is now 37 and i'm 56, and I was in my 20s when the fears really set in, not long after I had my second son actually. When I recovered from it all I became a volunteer for MIND, and would counsel others coming off tranquilsers too.
I'm nowhere near as bad as I was then, but I still have some agoraphobia although it comes and goes, and not crippling like it was in the past, and have suffered lifelong claustrophobia which isnt so bad if I avoid the triggers!
GH xx
sammi thats how i feel too....like i should be ashamed. that really is not a nice feeling though as it feels like im failing just by thinking this way. my hubby knows and tries his best to understand but like your partner he too thinks its something thats 'all in my head'.
wow gh good for you for becoming a volunteer for MIND thats great!
xx
Hi,
My family know about my depression but not necessarily the anxiety part of it. I can't explain it to them and I never talk to them about it. My dad once referred to my ADs as 'funny tablets' and if he ever says 'depression' it's said in a weird 'hush hush' or 'not a problem illness' voice. It would be so much easier if I could talk to them about it.
Some of my friends are great with it though.
I kept it secret from my family for the first three years (dec 85 to feb 89),but attempted suicide tends to raise questions.
All my family know about my anxiety as I was about 11 when it first started so my mum was at all my appointments! I am lucky as my husband and family are very supportive.
Maybe you should speak to your mum and explain how you feel and what causes it. Anxiety is an extreme form of fear - it is often irrational but those fears are real to you! If she understands more about it then hopefully she will fully support you in your recovery
People can surprise you. I've always felt my mum wasn't very understanding about my anxiety/depression, she's from a generation when these things were even more misunderstood and stigmatized than now.
When I was quite ill in the summer due to abrupt AD withdrawal she seemed very impatient about it and why couldn't I have just left well alone? A couple of days later she gave me £100 (she's been a pensioner for 20-odd years) to buy myself something nice, which really touched me.
Maybe those who keep their problems secret would find people more understanding (or prepared to try to be) than they expect - especially as a lot more people have been touched by these issues than you would ever imagine.
Pinkangels
10-01-10, 09:59
Well, I have only really just found out in the last month that it was anxiety causing me problems, though its been going on for a long while.
I will prob tell my mum about it when i see her, not sure how I will bring it up!
Ive been a single parent for a good few years now, so have no partner to try to explain to!
I have 3 kids, and my eldest is 12 and she knows about me "always feeling faint" Shes been so used to me not feeling right. Its a shame this has become the norm in our life at the moment
I did explain to her that there is in fact a name for how I have been feeling.
Along with my new relaxation routine, Im teaching my kids about relaxation, and taking time out to have a peacefull mind. Its beneficial to all of us after all.
about your panic and/or anxiety?
for example mum recently told me my aunt does not leave her house (accept to go visit my nan, her mum who lives over the road from her) and this is due to panic and mums comment to me about it was 'i dont know what her problem is and why shes like it its really silly'I used to get this too in the early days,that's why I kept it secret.I remember one day sitting in the back of the work van,my dad and brother were in the front having their tea break.I used to read out the questions from the Daily Mail's master quiz and one question was 'a person who experiences anxiety or depression is suffering from what?'.The answer was neurosis but I think my dad said nutter and my brother said bonkers.This was one of many reasons I tried my best to hide it.I could only imagine the shame of it if my 'problems' were ever discovered.
Fishy
my husband knows but that is as far as it goes , i havent got a mum or dad ,i have four kiddies and dont want them to know , to the outside world i am a livley outgoing woman who likes to have a laugh , on the inside im a wreck and its very lonely !
magic girl
10-01-10, 14:22
all my family know including aunts and uncles,im quiet open about it as its so common i don't think we should be ashamed about it.my family are really supportive even though they dont fully understand but i see it as my job to educate them,iv even told my sons teachers and they have been so supportive allowing me to pick him up earlier so i dont have to face standing in the playground with all the other parents
They know the basics like I suffer from panic attacks but not the extent to which these attacks have sometimes affected me if they had id probably be free of attacks by now
I think that feeling able to be open and talking and admitting ones anxiety panic, fears etc can be a bit of a generation thing..My parents who are now in their late seventies have never used the word anxiety and i am not even sure that they know what the word means because people just never talked about subjects such as this.I never realised until i grew up and left home that my mums nervousness and my dads moods and agressive episodes were infact their anxieties.. I always thought that my mum was just a nervous wreck and my dad was a miserable bad tempered so and so..Its only in the last few yrs after suffering several debilitating episodes of anxiety that my parents/family do know because they have seen me at my worst. Strange thing is though they still do not seem to recognize or admit to having anxieties themselves and my dad has even made comments such as i do not know where she gets it from.. Hey ho there is no such thing as a perfect parent but an undersatnding one is worth their weight in gold..
margaret jones
10-01-10, 16:35
Dear Mummy
Please try and find a way to tell your family and friends , you will feel so much better and prob less panicky when the know .
I took to long to tell mine and it delayed my recovery , and caused loys of arguments with me and hubby .
I dont think he understands why or how i feel but i am afraid that is his problem i need to get myself better and if telling my family helps thats what i had to do
Take Care Margaret
Hope you enjoy Disney i have been 3 times
BunnyMazonas
10-01-10, 20:02
Weirdly enough my in-laws know, but my own family doesn't. I'm close to my family, we're very open about stuff and I've never felt unable to talk to them, but for some reason I just can't bring myself to talk about this. Part of it, I know, is my mum. She's very loving and tends to worry - if she knew what I was going through it would be hard for her - she's living in another country so couldn't physically be there and would want to. She's financially very strained right now - can't even afford a phone line - so would not be able to keep in touch and would worry constantly. She'd probably want to try and support me more (as much as my partner tries to help, him being unemployed and me being the sole income source is a strain) but there is no way she could financially cope. Its hard, because I want to talk to her, but I don't want to cause needless hurt.
bellabessnjet
10-01-10, 21:04
My husband told my Mum and Dad, when I was at rock bottom. I can only say what I had was similar to a mini-breakdown, I was sobbing my heart out, getting more and more panicky because I didnt want my son to see, My husband put me in bed, and then rang round. I was quite angry but also touched as he doesnt get on well with my Dad. After hed rang them thats when I stated getting their support, I'm glad he told them because he told them how I was, not the picture I presented to the world. So maybe thats a way around the problem.
All the best
Angela
paulcooper02
10-01-10, 21:20
My mum knows and to be honest she does my head in. I tried to take my own life just before Xmas and my mum lives in Spain. for the 1st few weeks after the "event" I cut myself away from everyone, including phone calls. Now I have started communicating with people again, but my mum keeps calling me everyday and telling me "we will get through this", no mum these are my problems and I will get through it. I know she means well and she is worried about me, but boy its hard. I did have a GF before I did what I did and she couldn't cope with it, so she ended it with me, so maybe that's another reason why mum is being like she is.
[QUOTE=paulcooper02;599930] my mum keeps calling me everyday and telling me "we will get through this", no mum these are my problems and I will get through it. QUOTE]
Paul, I know it's hard and you don't want people taking over but you don't have to do it alone and if people are there to support you, I'd take the support. But that's just my advice x
wow thats so much for all your replies!
fishy, thats the sort of thing my dad and bro would say!
kirstie, you described me!
its odd as i feel too ashamed to tell my mum but at the same time i think theres nothing to be ashamed of. its such a hard situation. no one knows apart from my hubby.
i remember when i was 17/18 and i was out with my mum a few times and i remember 'feeling faint' (as always) and having to leave the shops. i remember being in asda and saying to mum im scared as i feel really dizzy and she said quick lets go and sort of held me up as we walked out the store fast. as time went on she would ring me and say do you fancy going here or there and i would always say no and my dad would be in the background saying 'get on out you recluse' :( this really upset me and has always stuck in my mind.
when i was 18 1/2 i went to my doc and he prescribed anit ds and i told my mum this and she said dont even bother taking them silly things but i did but as far as she knows iv= have never touched one and have been on and off them ever since! also around this time i spoke to my health visitor who suggested i tell my mum so when she left i rang mum and said mum i have been having panic attacks and she said ill be round in a min when she turned up she asked why i been getting them i said i dont know and its never ever been mentioned again! just feel very sad and lonely inside and like i have no support and would not even know how to approach her now to tell her x
my family no but they arent very supportive i think its because they dont understand my mum tries to but my partner thinks its all in my head and i bring it on my self he always gets angry that im the way i am like i choose to be like this its very annoying and i can feel it comin between us already my anxiety started a month ago and i dont no if i can go on feeling guilty about it because thats how he makes me feel. like i should be ashamed of myself for letting anxiety take over me.
i am suffering from anxiety as well as depression and haven't yet told anyone. i am on my 3rd day into citalopram and feeling quite ill with it...my partner knows im feeling sick etc but thinks that i am exagerating as he doesn't actually realise why. i am hesitant as to whether to tell my partner or my parents as i am worried they will get annoyed with me as he wont realise how bad i feel atm! You aren't alone I'm sure!
poor you emma, i feel for you. if it were me i would tell my partner. he prob wont understand or will find it hard to but can be there to support you x
the only people in my life who know is my husband and my best friend and her family...
..noone in my family knows or even suspects anything. I tried to tell my gran but she doesnt seem to understand and just thinks im a general nervous person (which i am but panic attacks go a bit further than that)..
If i would ever tell my dad or the rest of the family they would put me down in being a problem (again, i suffered from anorexia as a teen and caused alot of stress to the family) and useless and just making a scene out of nothing and they would probably tell me to get a grip...
Also i have the role in the family of someone who succesfully started a life and does everything right and coming out with it would just mean to them im a failure and worth nothing at the end of the day...
My family is really one of those who believe a mental illness is just something made up and would put the blame of the behaviour right at me of being lazy, not doing enough, exagerate everythingm not trying hard enough and all the negative things...
so im living my life trying to life up to my "false" image they have of me which puts so much pressure on my back and i struggle and hence why i havent seen them since 2 years now :weep: (they live abroad and im panicking about the flight and what if i start going mad when im there )
The only people that know about my anxiety are my husband, boss and mother in law. The first two had to know, the third I chose to tell. I must say though, I feel for those of you whose families are not supportive and understanding :weep:
Then again, is it necessarily a bad thing that anxiety is "invisible"? If we look perfectly ok to other people, surely it must mean that we are coping with it better than we think we are and should feel encouraged by that?
My family is really one of those who believe a mental illness is just something made up
A while ago my Dad (who is lovely) made a comment about someone with a mental illness being 'mad' and I had a right go at him. I said 'the brain is an organ isn't it?! So, it can go wrong like any other part of the body. If there was something wrong with another organ you'd treat it, right?! So what's the difference?!'
I won that one! :yesyes:
Hi. My family and friends know. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't. Depends who it is. I can feel quite pathetic when some of my family rings up to ask if I'm okay because I'm often not and I get sick of saying so! I sometimes drop it into a conversation without even thinking about it first. Then I usually regret it. I did that with one of the mums in the playground yesterday coz we were talking about our weight gains and I couldn't lie n say I'm just greedy (which is partly true). Wish I hadn't now, you see I still feel ashamed and yet I would never judge anybody who had depression. I know my mum has told my brother (he is disabled with palandromic rheumatoid arthritis ) recently because he left a message to see if I was ok. Its always ME helping HIM. I don't want him to see me as anything other than his baby sister who helps him out sometimes. Mom has changed that, wish she hadn't! I'm quite mixed up on whether to tell people, sorry I cant advise you other than to say you do whats best for you and what feels right, you have a right to privacy if thats your preference.xx
My "family" know - and they don't give a monkeys either lol. same as what alot of us here have experienced with people around them that don't understand - they think it's all in my head and my own fault, (which of course it is in a way i suppose) :blush:
Ive told some of my family, not my parents though i had depression a few years back and they went nuts! so im avoiding that this time. Ive found the most supportive people to be my friends and partner :)
No my family dont, well I say family but I mean hubby sisters etc, I dont have any children, If I tell them its like admitting defeat! I have never had issues like this before, Ive always been a strong person, maybe its wrong not to tell them? I dont know as I said never been like this before, I do talk about it to my dogs tho, how mad is that!!!! at least they cant tell me to get a life!
eeyorelover
11-01-10, 23:06
Don't know if I've answered this one already or not but I'm too lazy to go back thru the 3 pages to find out so...
Everyone important in my life knows about my anxiety.
Some support me and some tell me I should 'just get over it' and go what I need to do.
They don't understand how debilitating anxiety can be.
Truth is that over the past 17 years or so dealing with anxiety I've learned to accept myself for who I am, the good and the not so good ;)
So if they don't support me then that is fine with me!
I've accepted that anyone who hasn't had to live with anxiety has no clue what a physical and psychological toll it takes on the person.
For me theres only a couple of people I told the whole lot to as I know they would understand. My dad wouldnt understand - he'd say youre an intelligent person, why do you think like that? He just doesnt get it.
I think the rest of my family just think I'm lazy. I havent put them right on it as it would be like talking to a brick wall.
paulcooper02
12-01-10, 00:19
Thanks Ali, but I dug this hole and its me who has to get out of it, thats just how I feel, I dont need my mum calling me everyday and yeah after what i did I feel guilty and that guilt is hard to cope with, f ing hard in fact. but it is me who has brought on shame to my family and it is me who caused my gf to finish with me and now its down to me to get better
Paul, I think your mum probably calls you every day because she was shocked by you trying to kill yourself and doesn't want to lose you, maybe she feels guilty like if she'd contacted you more before she might have stopped you trying to take your own life. She needs reassurance, perhaps you could arrange a system to contact her and let her know everything's fine without having lots of long phone calls and awkward silences. I hope you manage to work through things and deal with the guilt.
Most of my close friends know that I suffer from anxiety. They are all fairly understanding but some are more comfortable talking about it than others. My boyfriend knows, he suffers from low self esteem and depression and tried to kill himself a while back. We actually met through a university counselling group. So we are very open about these things. When I worked, I told my boss about it because she was friendly and understanding, but I never told any of my colleagues.
My sister knows about my anxiety. She suffers from ME and fibromyalgia and has also been diagnosed with bipolar depression. She's on antidepressants. My parents are in their 60s and they do not believe in mental illness really. Recently they were talking about my mum's cousin's children, who all seem to have suffered breakdowns, but they refer to it as though it is weakness and something that doesn't happen to people like them. My mum was depressed herself a while back, crying and isolating herself, but she claims it was due to vitamin deficiencies or something. My dad is highly suspicious of any kind of treatment for anything which doesn't involve conventional drugs ie. hypnotherapy, counselling, homeopathy. Like other people have mentioned, my parents are both very prone to stress themselves and they manage to magnify each other's stress, but they would never admit that they might suffer from anxieties. To them, mental illness describes homicidal psychopaths who should be locked away permanently, and everyone else is just weak really.
I didn't tell my parents about the anxiety until recently, when I just couldn't bring myself to go to work any more. I told my mother that I have anxiety and depression and I have seen counsellors and lots of GPs and tried various different drugs for it. I felt like they were making some kind of effort to understand. However after a few days they expected me to be getting better and treated me more like I had the flu than a proper illness. I feel guilty because my sister is unable to work because of her illness and my parents have told me that they worry about how to provide for her. So I guess I'll have to get my act together and get a job. But for the moment I am coping by doing nothing.
Paul,
No man is an island and you don't 'have' to cope on your own. Sometimes you need the support of other people to be able to help you think differently or give you ideas of how to manage things.
I also tried to kill myself nearly three years ago so I understand the guilt. There's not one day I don't feel ashamed but putting pressure on yourself to do everything yourself can just make you feel worse. I'm disabled and sometimes beat myself up about having to ask for help, but then who can do everything themselves. Anyway, you need to do what you think is right but I think Unspoken is right about how your mum feels. I know talking is hard though.
:hugs:
magpie girl
12-01-10, 18:56
My whole family know i suffer and it was a relief to tell them all.I find it much easier and i dont have to make excuses or avoid things.Not all my family understood,they just thought OH HER NERVES ARE FUNNY,so i gave them all leaflets and asked if they had questions.I have to say my brothers children aged 18,15, are brilliant,they ring to see how my days been,offer to go places with me ect.:D:D:D. I have since found out 4 auntys 2 uncles have sufferd anxiety and 2 have had breakdowns!!!!!!!! oh and 1 aunty who discoverd it was anxiety she was suffering for 6 years after i gave her the info.
summersmum
12-01-10, 21:44
my family all know and are very supportive as they are dealing with anxiety as well.. although my partners knows but isnt very understanding of it.. i dont really talk to him about it because i dont get any feed back xx
wow its suprising how many of us actually do not tell our immediate family about our anxiety problem!
our holiday is only 6 weeks away now!!!!
thing is, if i were to tell my mum, how the hell would i go about it and where would i start?? x
Hi
I think one of the main reasons, I joined this site was to be able to talk to others. I am keeping my current problems a secret from my family which is a real strain. I am worried about worrying them! and I feel like a failure, For some reason I feel really guilty which is stupid, Not one of us would chose to be like this would we.
Best wishes
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