ruining my life - urgent help !

[Andromeda]

typing this now as i'm going through a rough patch , can hardly type my hands are shaking so much
hopefully typing this will calm me down

i'm currently suffering from a nasty cold , it's been lingering for about 2 weeks now and it's been pretty nasty .
obviously every ache and pain and funny feeling i have had (due to the cold) i have thought i was dying from some serious disease or heart problem or tumor or whatever
but i have coped.

tonight was a big night out for me and my friends.
i was hesitant as i'm still a but sniffly ill but i didn't want to let them down , so i braved it.

i went out though fearing having a panic attack / collapsing and dying . on the way there i was having little images in my head of me passing out in the club etcetc so i think i set myself up for a fall .
i have been on edge all night until i really couldn't take the lights / loud music anymore and had planned to fake 'being sick' (running into the toilets) so i could make my excuses and leave .
only problem is after running to the toilet i actually did vomit :-( a lot . and i don't know why
and my body just doesn't feel quite right .

i think i'm going to die !!!!!!! i don't know whats wrong with me i just don't feel right and i'm so scared right now i don't know what to do
is this just anxiety or has my cold turned into something worse ?
what if i have a brain tumor ? i've had head pains so bad today .
i keep needed to vomit , and my stomach is in nots .

i HATE that it ruins my life . i'm still young and i'm starting to not want to go out at all because this always happens , i'm gonna start staying in from now on because i just ruin everyones night .

i wish they could understand :-(

[sammi]

so sorry ur feeling so ill i no how u feel thinking u have a serious disease. i think its ur anxiety try not to worry i no its easier said than done but anxiety is an evil illness and i really hope u start 2 feel better soon. i really do understand what ur going through i think i have a heart condition cos i have constant chest pain and i cant shake that feeling no matter how hard i try or no matter how many ppl tell me its anxiety.

[Acidomoduso]

Firstly, you are not going to die... you are fine. I promise! :)

Secondly, the vomiting is cause by the stress you have put upon yourself today. Worrying about going out and if you would collapse? That would make anyone's stomach churn all day.

The headaches are the same thing. Too much worrying throughout the day. Take some paracetemol and drink some water. That will help you.

Brain tumour? No way... if the brain tumour was evident enough to make yo vomit you would have other symptoms. My wife's nan had a brain tumour and she wasn't well at all (btw, she had an operation and chemo and she is still alive today, playing table tennis and going out every weekend)!

As you say, you've had a bad cold so that will make you feel run down. Get that water down you and get into bed and you'll be fine.

Have a safe night! :)

[Corinne]

Most likely you worked yourself up into a panic all day about going out. I think your stomach probably couldn't take any more disruption and that's why you threw up. Did you eat anything today? Try to eat something light to settle your tummy.

Colds have so many symptoms and when we add anxiety, all the symptoms can hit us tenfold. Hon, you don't have a brain tumor and you aren't going to die. Remember too that headaches come with colds.

I'm sorry you are going through this. Don't let your imagination carry you away to thinking you have anything more than a cold. Did the doctor give you any meds for your cold? If not, drink a hot cup of tea with honey and try to turn your thoughts. Watch television or call a friend. You will be fine! We've all gone through this. You aren't alone.
Hugs

[nursey4]

I so hear you. I don't know if you're newer to anxiety, or if you've had it for years like I have. If you haven't had it for a long time, I would say - get help now! As much help as you can before this burns a pattern in your brain like it has to mine. I tried to get help early but my anxiety kept mutating- one day it was my head, another day, my heart- then I had depersonalization really bad, then I thought I had HIV and so on. My anxiety started when I was 24- I am 32 now and I hate it that I have lived in fear for what are supposedly the best years of my life. Be patient with yourself. Don't to do much avoidance or you will end up not leaving your house anymore- trust me, I've been there!
Everyone is dying. Your risk of imminent death is no greater than anyone else is. I don't have a lot of advice for you because I have been unable to solve my own anxiety probs after all this time.
I just think the earlier you can get some intense help and possibly start some meds, the better.
Best of luck to you!

[Alisonj]

It is so hard to turn off all the bad thoughts and its even harder when we are actually sick. I can start thinking one thing and then it turns into a bunch of other illnesses. Its a horrid disease. Chances are that your anxiety is running wild. It is hard for those that dont suffer to understand how real and how scary it is, but please dont let that stop you from going out.
When you start to feel this way, do whatever you can to re-focus your thinking. If you need to and are able to sleep, exercise, call someone, come on here, just do whatever it takes to do something.
I hope you are feeling better soon

[Midnight]

Sorry to hear your anxiety ruined your night. But like all the other messages say - it does sound like anxiety.

I have found whenever I am apprehensive about doing something in case I have a panic attack - I inevitabley HAVE a panic attack! Your body prepares itself for one. I know it's really hard to do but you have to change that mentality and think 'I'm going to go, it may be scary and feel uncomfortable but I will be fine'.

If it gets to a stage where you are in a full blown panic attack thinking you are dying try giving NHS direct a call, they are always really helpful and explain your panic symptoms to you. They also ask questions regarding your symptoms and rule out anything serious - maybe this would reassure you when you are in the middle of an attack.

[Andromeda]

thank you to everyone for their replies. i made it through the night okay ...surprise surprise .:wacko:

i would just like to say that i'm typing this now after experiencing my second full blown panic attack since i developed anxiety.

i had my first one in july 09 and have been suffering since then , so i am very new to all this .

i was put on propranolol . started off at 10mg twice a day , then as my anxiety worsened it was increased to 40mg twice a day .
then i started to feel a little more confident without the beta blockers , so i gradually stopped taking them , sometimes it would be that i'd miss one because i was going out drinking , or simply because i forgot until eventually i stopped needing them altogether .
this has lasted for a month now without them and i would say that i have been fine .
unfortunately i have been going through some serious stress to do with my uni and also my employer over the past 2 weeks and my anxiety has come right back again as bad as when it first started .

this desperate post from last night being an example of how bad it is .

tonight though it was worse than it has ever been . i was simply at my desk , watching TV when i started to feel really nervous , my head felt funny and i thought i was going to die .
i just had this awful feeling that i was about to die there and then , i rang my dad in hysterics telling him i was having a heart attack , or something else just as serious .
it took my parents an hour on the phone to calm me down for long enough for me to be able to ring a cab and get home to them (which is about a half hour drive from my student apartment)

so i'm now here. completely defeated .
going to get myself a docs appointment for tomorrow so i can discuss medication options and explain how bad it's got again .

the problem is everytime i get anxious , my brain says to itself 'what if it's real this time' - which sends me into COMPLETE panic mode , because what if it is ?!?!??!?!?!

i'm so depressed guys , i feel like i'm literally losing myself to this stupid anxiety and i don't know if i can be strong anymore.

i feel like i'm ruining my families lives with it , i'm scared to do anything incase i have a panic attack ! i don't want to be 10 years down the line wondering what happened to my life , not able to leave my front door .
i had so many plans for myself and my life and now i feel like i'm trapped by something i really can't get a grip of .

it's SO hard because when you are in your calm state , you look back and you think to yourself 'how did i get myself into such a state ?! i am clearly perfectly fine'

but when you're in that moment of panic , you genuinely believe you are going to drop down dead !!!!!!!!!! it's so scary :weep:

[Brunette]

Hi Andromeda,

Sorry to hear you are not feeling so good at the moment.

I don't know how much stuff you have read about anxiety and panic attacks and their symptoms but the more you can read the better (there are some great pages on this site). Once you know what's happening to you it becomes easier to accept that you aren't going to come to any harm.

One quote you will come across often, which shows how closely the mind and body are connected is is "a thought is a thing", in other words, imagining you're in a state of anxiety and feeling ill (as you did on your night out) will make you feel anxious and ill - after all why would you expect your body to be calm and relaxed when you're mind is racing?

It isn't easy but once you do start to accept that anxiety is making you feel ill rather than that you have an illness that's making you feel anxious you will begin to break the cycle.

Hope you are feeling better this morning.

B