nursey4
10-01-10, 01:38
Hi all,
I've been going through a particularly bad spell of anxiety lately. It feels as though my meds have stopped working and I am anxious ALL THE TIME! Well, actually, it's weird because when I'm at work I'm not usually super anxious but on weekends and after work, it's out of control.
I have had anxiety for 8 years this spring and it has been much, much worse and much, much better than it is now. I would just think that after all this time, I would have figured out a way to deal!! I have increased my prozac as of today, with my doc's knowledge, and I am taking more clonazepam (klonopin) than I ever used to. I figure I have built a tolerance after taking it daily for the past 5 years. I know some of you will say you shouldn't take benzo's every day but honestly, benzo's helped me to live my life again! I know it's addictive but I'd rather be addicted than in constant panic!
My major fear is about my heart. Heart attack, heart rhythm problems, heart failure, you name it, it worries me. I get a lot of chest pain and palpitations. I have had many, many tests- the latest being in the summer and it was all clear. They actually said I was "fit" which shocks me considering my only real exercise is walking for the past 7 yrs since I am scared to increase my heart rate too much. I am so, so, so scared I will die as a result of something heart related. Anytime I hear about a young person dying of something to do with their heart, I freak. And I am not all that young anymore (I'm 32) and the fear is taking it's toll. I am exhausted often and my motivation is low. At work, I can pretend to be this professional person, counselling others, looking like I've got it together but on the inside I'm very ill. I am seriously at a loss. My doc wants me to try Effexor and I think it is a good idea but I am so scared to change meds. Last time I did, I was off work for 6 weeks and was in near constant panic. It was awful!
I am just so uncomfortable in my skin and every little thing startles me and it feels like a shock goes through my heart.
I guess I am just looking for someone who can relate tonight. I am also venting as it's hard to vent like this to my husband, friends or parents. I just want to be normal. I have missed out on sooooo many things. The ironic thing is that before anxiety I was a person who would try anything and was never scared. At 19, I flew to Australia alone and backpacked around for a year. Never scared. I went to Europe to live with my husband and travelled around a bit by myself. I used to want to try everything. Then I got sick and my whole life and personality changed. I am now the most careful, sensible person you could ever meet. I still want adventure but I haven't even been able to get on a plane in over 7 years.
Anyways, thanks for reading this if you've made it this far! Do you feel constant anxiety sometimes? It's a little different than panic- I can still function but it's just always super uncomfortable and I am constantly focused on my heart.
I would love to hear from people who can relate. This is such a lonely disease. And my apologies for being so negative- just the trip I'm on at the moment.
XOXO
I've been going through a particularly bad spell of anxiety lately. It feels as though my meds have stopped working and I am anxious ALL THE TIME! Well, actually, it's weird because when I'm at work I'm not usually super anxious but on weekends and after work, it's out of control.
I have had anxiety for 8 years this spring and it has been much, much worse and much, much better than it is now. I would just think that after all this time, I would have figured out a way to deal!! I have increased my prozac as of today, with my doc's knowledge, and I am taking more clonazepam (klonopin) than I ever used to. I figure I have built a tolerance after taking it daily for the past 5 years. I know some of you will say you shouldn't take benzo's every day but honestly, benzo's helped me to live my life again! I know it's addictive but I'd rather be addicted than in constant panic!
My major fear is about my heart. Heart attack, heart rhythm problems, heart failure, you name it, it worries me. I get a lot of chest pain and palpitations. I have had many, many tests- the latest being in the summer and it was all clear. They actually said I was "fit" which shocks me considering my only real exercise is walking for the past 7 yrs since I am scared to increase my heart rate too much. I am so, so, so scared I will die as a result of something heart related. Anytime I hear about a young person dying of something to do with their heart, I freak. And I am not all that young anymore (I'm 32) and the fear is taking it's toll. I am exhausted often and my motivation is low. At work, I can pretend to be this professional person, counselling others, looking like I've got it together but on the inside I'm very ill. I am seriously at a loss. My doc wants me to try Effexor and I think it is a good idea but I am so scared to change meds. Last time I did, I was off work for 6 weeks and was in near constant panic. It was awful!
I am just so uncomfortable in my skin and every little thing startles me and it feels like a shock goes through my heart.
I guess I am just looking for someone who can relate tonight. I am also venting as it's hard to vent like this to my husband, friends or parents. I just want to be normal. I have missed out on sooooo many things. The ironic thing is that before anxiety I was a person who would try anything and was never scared. At 19, I flew to Australia alone and backpacked around for a year. Never scared. I went to Europe to live with my husband and travelled around a bit by myself. I used to want to try everything. Then I got sick and my whole life and personality changed. I am now the most careful, sensible person you could ever meet. I still want adventure but I haven't even been able to get on a plane in over 7 years.
Anyways, thanks for reading this if you've made it this far! Do you feel constant anxiety sometimes? It's a little different than panic- I can still function but it's just always super uncomfortable and I am constantly focused on my heart.
I would love to hear from people who can relate. This is such a lonely disease. And my apologies for being so negative- just the trip I'm on at the moment.
XOXO