h0dges
11-01-10, 12:52
Hi to everyone. Apologies in advance as this may feel like a bit of a ramble. Last week at the end of my usual run my heart seemed to go into a funny rhythmn. It lasted for about 1-2 mins (the longest I've ever had by far) and it scared me the life out me. Luckily for me I saw a neighbour and went over to him until things calmed down. I've been doing the same run for 6 or so months and the only difference I had felt was that I had a bit of a sore throat. It has now terriffied me to run again in case the same happens. I am pre-diabetic and have convinced myself that there must be something wrong with my heart (as even pre-diabetes increases your risk of heart disease). There is diabetes in the family my father is a Type 2 as was his father. I don't smoke or drink and exercise every day (kung-fu, jogging and exercise bike). I eat healthily (nothing sweet at all for 6 years and counting on the advice of my endocronologist). I exercise every day, as it's the only thing I can do to help my blood sugar levels along with watching what I eat as I'm noy on any medication. I weigh 10st on a wet day! Went to see my doc last week and although reluctantly (she wasn't overly worried but because it lasted for longer) referred me to see a cardiologist privately. If I go and see him it's the same doc I saw in Mar '06. He did an ECG, stress-test and echo back then and all were fine. The stress-test picked up ectopics, which although he said were uncomfortable, were not a concern and that 'I should go and live my life'. A part of me doesn't really want to see him (if everything is) alright and I see going back to see him for some kind of reassurance as though I'm letting this thing win, a sign of weakness and forcing me into doing things I don't want to. Then again I don't know what to do (in case there is something) and that scares me too! I went for long periods of being alright and then out of the blue 'BANG' and then I'm into a negative spiral. I spoke to a my best friend when I felt the pressure was really building up and my opening line to him was, 'I'm scared to live and I'm scared to die' and that sums my situation up. I hate myself for my weakness and the way it gets me down. My wife recently said to me it seems that you don't enjoy anything anymore and it's true. So far I've not let any of the feelings/ectopics stop me doing any exercise. This is the first one I feel like giving up, but I don't want to as I'll feel as I've lost and that this could then turn into a slippery spiral of stopping me doing things. I've had a bad 2009 with the economy/recession and having to take people to court for money owed to me. Whenever I get any court related correspondence my heart rate goes mad with and I think of doom and gloom and the darkest outcomes. Sorry for the length of this but I needed to get it off my chest as much as anything else. Thank you for your patience and any help or advice will be gratefully received.