stuck in a rut

[clairity]

ive ignored my mental health for most of my life but lately things have come to a head and ive struggled to cope. it took a lot for me to admit this but ive started on medication and am looking at therapy options soon aswell. as a result of my anxieity i have constant paranoia about people lying to me. i always find a way to turn round anything positive into something negative and i think about it so much i make myself beleive its true. i never take anyones word for granted, i always think that there is something they are not saying and as a result of all these things i have driven away my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. even now when he says its not a permanant thing, us being apart, i have horrible thoughts that he is saying that as to not make me any worse than i am and i feel angry for leaving me at a time when i feel i need him. i hate being alone in my head and want to learn how to control the thoughts i have and learn to take the past and leave it where it is but ive no idea how. i dont know anyone who really thinks the same as i do so i would love some input if anyone has any.

sorry for the rambling. xx