My life of panic...Help? or no help?

[Shay1213]

Whenever someone talks about panic attacks I often question them on exactly what they go through...Nobody could ever give me an exact answer. Usually when I'm am asking someone to fully explain the details of their panics they never quite answer it the way I want to hear it...Sure they'll say "Shortness of breath" "chest pains"...Ok...those are some symptoms...What I usually want to know is the full blown details...not your basic panic attack symptoms. I'm sure perhaps if what I go through is similar to what you all go through you look for that same answer...It somewhat helps us realize we aren't alone... Well, today I'll tell you about my panic attacks...Perhaps you'll see something you can relate to, and it shall cause you comfort...and perhaps by yoru responses I can then realize that it really is anxiety, and that i'm not dying.

Here goes...

I'm laying in my bed reading a book...its a book based on panic attacks. I'm feeling quite calm, nothing big on my mind. (ouch...the pain in my back is killing me) I flip through the pages and notice myself reading...Only when I read I hear a voice reading the words to me in my head...(Oh boy I 'm going insane...try to focus Shannon, try to focus) la de da...Reading along now, oooh heres something interesting! reading the next couple of lines...(Ouch! What is this sharp pain in my chest that wont go away?!)I sit up...I place my hand over my chest feeling flusterd...(feels really tight, and kind of hard to breath)....I get up searching anxiously for my asthma pump...(perhaps I'm having an asthma attack) I race around looking for it...I can't find it...(The pains in my head are starting up again...Oh boy...lights are flickering I'm going to have a seizure) my head gets tingly, my heart is racing, my eyes see spots and is sensative to light, my mouth is dry, my chest and back hurt, my legs feel slightly numb and tight, I'm dizzy, my head is racing...I can't focus...I need air, cold water...I have to go to the hospital....Wheres my uncle!....Jeff I have to go to the hospital...(Jeff says: you're alright...just relax) I say: NO JEFF I'm having a bad attack...somethings wrong...I think i'm goign to pass out...help me...please just help me....(grabbing the phone to call my mother) Mom its happening...please just talk to me...(Mom patiently speaks) Mom if I'm ok...Then why the hell am I feeling this way...(I get up hands clasped to my chest running to another room and back...and forth and back....) Mom I don't feel right....I feel really weird....This isn't right...it doesn't feel right...everythings racing...I feel like I'm spinning in circles....mom help..............THE END....

I'm then told to sit down and breath...no matter how many times I tell them all I get dizzy when I breath and it doesnt' work...somehow I always do get better after taking the time to sit and breath....Anyway...my point is...Is this what you all go through? I mean this was a real life event I described...Is that what you all feel? Perhaps you could share some advice if you've learn to deal with it...and perhaps we can chat if you haven't....This is just an example of what its like to live in my body...everynight...

Thanks for reading...


~Shannon~

[existential crisis]

Shannon, that was a great description of a panic attack. It's a sure as hell how I feel when I'm having one and I'm sure others will agree it's how they feel to. Clare. x

*I think, therefore I am.*

[Shay1213]

These attacks are so ridiculous,...Its almost impossible to believe its all a mind set...Quite scary. But thank you for relating...It does bring comfort in knowing that others feel this as do I...Its unfortunate however..Thank you for your reply.

~Shannon~

[existential crisis]

It is just a mindset. Its not a neurological problem, it's not a severe mental illness...it's just thoughts that go crazy and bring on horrible physical symptoms. I always prefer to look at it this way: Its a good thing that they are only thoughts that provoke these reactions because thoughts can always be changed. I really believe that that is key to overcoming anxiety. You tell yourself/think positive things all the time, the chances are you won't have a panic attack! Think about all the things that might be wrong with you and the chances are you will! x

*I think, therefore I am.*

[Shadowwin]

I read this and I had the immediate desire to just hug you.. everything you said.. the way your attacks unfold mirror what I went through before I started therapy. Since you shared one of yours.. I will share one of mine.. the attack I had that sent me to the doctor and eventually to therapy..

*~*

It was a beautiful sunny day in Sept. The weather in NY was still quite warm and my step son and I had spent the weekend at my brother and his gf's house about 90 mins from where I love. We had a great weekend I was a little anxious most of it because sometimes when I have my step son away from his Father he can turn into a unholy terror and doesn't listen to me. The time had come where we about to leave to go home (I was really antsy about this) My Brother was at work I wanted to wait around until he got home so I could say good bye and that was the original plan when his girlfriend decided she wanted to go to an auction (Ugh no I don't want to go all those people and me anxious not a good situation at all) So she says then you'll be leaving.. now she claims to suffer from panick attacks as well (honestly I am beginning to wonder if she really does I can recognize the beginning of one in other people why can't she see it in me..) So I try my best to get my step son and I together to leave we get the things in the car and start off down the road I wasn't 5 mins away from their house when the first leg of the attack started. Everything became disorientated, my heart was pounding, my palms were sweating, I couldn't focus I looked down at the speedometer to realize I was doing almost 20 miles over the speed limit everything seemed to be closing in on me, everything was going bright dim, bright dim and I thought I was going to faint. I did the only thing I could do I pulled over into a parking lot shaking like it was winter and I tried to wait it out.. but it got worse and worse I thought I was dying.. I was crying, fumbling for my cell phone that had a low battery my step son was scared he was crying too because he didn't know what to do or how to help so I called my brother at work.. 3 or 4 times till finally he realized that something was wrong and called me back.

"Wait for me to get out of work" he said to me as I was crying in his ear drive over here to the parking lot and wait for me.. I was so stubborn about this I told him no that I was a big girl and I couldn't have him protecting me that I had to go home I sounded all brave to myself and him but I was still going through the attack and my world was getting smaller by the second.

So I hang up with him and get on the highway.. (big mistake but they live in a rural area that requires highway travel) I'm speeding along at 65 mph (not sure what that is in km) and the attack reared it's ugly head again.. Back to the tight chest, the crying, the fear of dying.. omg my legs are going numb.. my mind a whirling I'm alone in a car with a 10 year old and a down dead cell phone battery I need help I can't do this I'm going to die.

I make it to an exit which led me to a series of roads i knew from traveling with my gran when i was a kid (still panicking everything seemed fake.. phone still not working.. still shaking.. face and hands feel numb..oh god what's wrong with me.. why isn't this stopping.. someone has to help me.. what if I crash the car.. what if, what if, what if..) By this time I was beyond any level of panic attack i had ever had.. this attack is the attack I refered to my therapist as my monster attack.. I'm back on the side of the road trying to get a grip on myself.. counting the bumps on the steering wheel not working.. loud music not working.. singing making me feel like I couldn't breathe.. i felt like i was slipping away..

Finally my cell phone comes back on I'm saved!! Salvation I can call someone a safe person and they can talk to me the rest of the way home. So i call my husband big mistake number two of the day normally he's really encouraging but he was having a bad day himself. he started ye

[in1peace]

Hey Shay!
I've had all of those symptoms and more. Including clutching my chest and running from room to room telling my mom or my husband to take me to the hospital.
I haven't seen you in chat a while! Do you think it would help if you came back and chatted with us?
Btw... I cut down on one of my meds and my panics are back. But they aren't full blown. I'm still trying to use CBT against them and that really helps.
I'm sorry that you are struggling with all of this!
Just know you aren't alone and your chat pals are missing ya!
luv,
Andrea

"Honey, if ya ain't feelin' the bumps in the road, ya ain't goin' nowhere!" (A wise Georgia Granny's take on living life to the fullest! LOL!)

[eeyorelover]

Hey Shannon -
Well - yep - that is the way I feel sometimes too. I don't get the pain in my chest very often anymore. The worst thing I feel is the weird out of it dizzy not really real thing. Like I sometimes can look in a mirror and be brushing my hair or whatever and all of a sudden I'll think "that's not really me". Weird huh?!
As far as advise goes, the only thing that I can say is... when I started anxiety/panic and I would get the feeling like I was having a heart attack or that I felt like I was going to pass out, I tried to 'outrun' it. I would run around like a chicken with my head cut off, cleaning this and that, running back and forth to try and make myself feel better. The only thing that really did was make me more anxious and get my heartrate to go sky high so when I checked my heartrate (which I used to do all the time) I could say to myself, 'see, that's not normal!!! It's really fast !!
So I quit running around and I would sit and breath and just let the rush panic sensation kind of wash over me. The only way I have been able to explain that feeling is like when someone comes up from behind you and scares you and you feel that rush or when you are riding a roller coaster and it starts down a big hill. I sit in that state for just a moment - and I do my breathing from the belly. Then I get up and resume whatever it was that I was doing before the panic started. I don't know why this helps me but it does. I don't have half the panic I used to and it seems like they go away quicker too.
Hope it helps.
Oh and by the way... I've missed you in chat horrible.
Luv ya,


Sandy
(eeyorelover)

If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)

[lonelysolitude]

Hi,
When panic sets in for me like if im at the mall shopping or driving a car,the first sensation i get is starting to be aware of everything.Its really weird like your senses is becoming sensitive and then a rush of uncomfortable sensation rush in.It could be dizziness, heart pounding,cold shivers or dp to name a few.My symptoms shift from time to time which really adds up to my health anxiety also.Does anybody experience multiple panic attacks? I have been getting quite a bit.

[Meg]

Shannon,

Remember that its you that change and antagonize these body sensations into panic by how you view them, respond to them and give them energy by your spiralling thought patterns.



Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?