looking for a man

[butterfly1]

Hi !! I know this may seem a strange thread to some of you but i would like any advice or comments. I know its not a dating site but would like to know where to go to meet a possible partner!!! I go to the pubs now and again with a couple of friends but i am not very confident unless i have had a few drinks due to my social anxiety. I have also tried online dating but i am afraid a lot of men want no strings or just sex which is not for me. A lot of my depression stems from being lonely even though i have my kids,its not the same.I hope i am not sounding desperate as thats not the intention,just wondering where i can go to even meet new people. I have had a couple of relationships(short term) 3 mths but they have not worked out.My ex partner of 5 yrs lives next door with his new floosy, and all i want is to move on!!!!!!!Any ideas please ???????? Butterfly1:unsure:

[onceagain]

Hi Butterfly

Don't go looking too hard, it will probably happen when you least expect it... stay away from dating sites it could only lead to more hurt that you don't need.

Do you have any interests sometimes that is a way to meet people and socialise and who knows you might meet that man but let your ex have his floosy get a social life and your life and take it from there if its meant to happen it will without trying at all x

[butterfly1]

Thanx Sharon but do you know i dont even know what my interests are anymore, i read walk my dog go to work and shopping,thats about it really.Its also having the confidence to try something new (how scary)!!!!Have you had bad experience with dating sites? :)x

[peach]

hi butterfly,

my mum met her current husband at church...seems to be nice wholesome men there..and he is a very lovely man and just perfect for my mum. she met him when she was 50. theyve been together for about 8 yrs now.

i would also recommend clubs of sorts...hobby clubs that you may be interested in? groups, ie: bushwalking, dancing etc...

join the library?
singing group? charity work?
volunteer at a hospital, art gallery, science place?

that is what i would do..id stay away from pubs and nightclubs...

good luck with it :yesyes:

i mentioned on here about a section for love interest on this forum...i think it would be a good idea, as whoever you meet would be sympathetic to the issues we have on here, would save a whole lot of drama further down the track :D
i know there are others on here keen to meet someone as well.

[peach]

oh, forgot to mention, it is a salvation army church where they met...there are some really wonderful people who volunteer there

[Veronica H]

Sorry to hear you have not met the right person yet. One of my divorced friends met his partner when he joined an athletics club as a runner....a bit drastic maybe but how about a jitsu class or similar....self defence. A shared interest might be the key.:)

Veronica

[butterfly1]

thanx for the advice girls i am trying to rack my brains and think what i would enjoy doing its proving pretty hard but i will keep thinking yeh!!!!:bighug1:

[gary_2.0]

I'm right here baby! :D

It certainly is a problem. The meet-ups are a good start, have you found any in your area? Anything that gets one out of the house really. Although I don't think of myself as lonely, it would be good to have someone to share things with. I think everyone understands that. You don't sound at all desperate. You're just expressing a perfectly natural desire to want intimate company. It's a basic human need.

[onceagain]

Hi Butterfly

Know so many people who have had bad experiences using dating sites. Some people are lucky enough to find someone special but so many are deceived and hurt along the way. Which to me you just don't need.

You said that you don't know what your interests are anymore then I would say go find them.... take up a sport, art classes, belly dancing find a social group make friends first so that by the time you find that man who is out there waiting to find you too that you have you back first... the last thing you need is to find someone and it not work because you just wanted company of a man.

Join the local darts team, or rugby club whatever find you first hun x

Lots of hugs sent x

[gary_2.0]

Sharon makes some very good points which I'd like to add to.

The most important quality I look for, beside shared interests, hobbies etc. is that of a shared view. An outlook on the world or life itself. A shared belief in politics, religion, animal welfare or human rights is far more likely to bind people together with a strength that will outweigh and outlast an interest in say, Food Preparation and Cooking - Kitchen and Larder NVQ Level 3.

My doctor once described me, a little harshly I feel, as a serial monogamist. Her appraisal, seeming to me to infer wanton disregard for commitment. What I should have said at the time, instead of trying to suppress a broad smile, was that as far as I was concerned, the greatest work comes in finding a suitable match, not in keeping the flame burning.

That's my philosophical muse for tonight. :)

[onceagain]

lol hi gary can you say that in terms that we all understand...I don't know maybe listed like cooking instructions....

Sorry couldn't resist but you are right, but each has their own interests and sometimes the intellect level really doesn't count at all... what counts is that two people bond in a way that makes it special for them...

Good Luck Gary and Butterfly hope you both find what each of you are looking for ((hugs))

[Anxious_gal]

we are social creatures we are not meant to be alone!
we need to be touched, loved and cared for and we get very lonely and depressed when we don't get that.
look at monkeys they are always grooming each other, playing, interacting!
remember how good it feels when someone brush's your hair?
I think that's why women love the hairdressers!
Conversation is nice too though but Ive been single two years and i really miss having having someone to cuddle on the sofa.

[butterfly1]

Hi Peach i sort of agree in a love interest forum,as at least we are all in the same boat and maybe could help and guide each other.To meet a new partner and then have to explain about anxiety etc,maybe they would not understand or even want to understand.It is also about having the confidence to go out there and try something new in that big wide world!!! As Mishel said we are all human and need comfort and cuddles!!!XX

[onceagain]

Go Butterfly girlie and you better keep us updated ((hugs))

[lonewolf]

I know how you feel, am 29 and the last couple of rships I have had have been bad. I haven't had a proper rship for 5 years. I feel am at a age now where I can't just go to the pub and "pull" someone. I don't think i'm a bad looking guy its just all in my mind. Because of my confidence issue's and panic / anxiety attacks, I still live at home don't drive have low income job. I just don't see how anyone would want me or if I have something to offer someone. I wouldn't know where to start either still haven't got the confidence to join any social group's, and it doesn't help having a large family and them all in long term rship or married. I pretend it doesn't bother me and am happy being single but I guess it does.

[lshaw16]

Hey Butterfly!

I can put in my tuppence-worth about the dating sites. I met my ex-boyfriend on Match.com, we were together for two years and he cheated on me with another girl he met on the same website :doh: This ended up making my panic attacks worse.

I think you really need to ask yourself...do you need a man to complete your life? I know it feels awful to be lonely because I have been there myself. It sounds like you have some good friends that you can go out with and have a laugh. Since me and the other half broke up, I have spent a lot more time with my friends and I have been enjoying myself. I met my current man doing living history and when we first met, I would never have thought that we would end up together. Maybe you should wait until that special guy finds you? I didn't know that Steve was into me until he got really drunk and blurted it out over MSN.

Good luck babes xXx

[butterfly1]

Thanx Guys for your views and comments, i am taking it all on board. I guess these things do happen when you least expect them to. As for online dating i do seem to attract the jerks (sorry guys) thats not to say you are all the same!!! I am trying at the mo to work on positivity and boyo it takes some work but feel better in myself for even trying. I have thought i might like to try yoga so watch this space (going to the shop to buy some confidence) haha!!!!:) Butterfly! x

[lonewolf]

Yoga is great, I have been doing it for a couple of years now (on my own). it's a very nice way to relax and really helped with my anxiety and panic problems. You should defiantly give it a try.

[peach]

oh, contact the administrators and ask if we can get a section on here for meet ups....group meet ups of the singel people on here?
that way there would be a few of you and you can just all have lunch together etc...no big commitment...

i totally agree that it may be much easier as we all understand to an extent our issues and will certainly not judge each other for it...

i think its a great idea!!!!!

get it happening :yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:

im in australia, and married, so i guess im not invited lolol, but im very very excited for you all! even if you dont match as such, you will have more friends on here yay!

[warren-david]

get on facebook and add everyone from here. ;-)
then add the guys you like to MSN... then your on your way.
Dating sites are really useless and full of false profiles...avoid em.

[butterfly1]

Hi you are all so full of good advice if any guys or girls would like to add me on facebook PM me ok!!!!Feeling a little low today like a big black cloud is hanging over me and sooooooooooo tired, but if i sleep now i wont sleep 2nite!!!!Hope to hear from someone soon:hugs: Butterfly1 xxx

[BlackKnightNoArmour]

A love interest/single section forum section actually sounds like a good idea, especially if it's similar to the 'meet-ups' section. Could probably categorize it in terms of age groups and such as well if desired. Couldn't say i'm ready for a relationship just yet (still sorting myself out first) but it would be nice to try and find someone who at least knows what it's like to have to deal with SA. I'll see if I can get to the administrators about the idea.

In terms of advice, i'd just go with what's already been said really. Don't look for love and let it come to you. I personally know what its like to get feelings of loneliness and the other negative associations (although for me it might just be a case of having no friends) which will lead to desperation for companionship. But trust me, it's better not to rush into it, and focus on time with friends and having good times with them. And then hopefully it (or rather he) comes to you when you least expect it. I'd also go with what warren-david said about adding people from here also and trying to especially speak with those you are interested a bit more in, as an alternative to dating sites.

Apologies for typing so much and if it sounds repetitve, I just felt like I should type something for once. Good luck to you anyway! :D

[butterfly1]

Thanx for your advice!!! i am not sure how to go about asking the administrators about the idea as i am sure nobody wants it to turn into a dating site, there are plenty of those around already. I will have think ok Butterfly x

[Sparkie]

I wouldn't mind seeing a love/single section or something on here either, Infact i think its a very good idea. My SA has stopped me meeting anyone for quite a long time and it would be nice to chat to someone who understands and go from there...since meeting people in everyday life is a rather impossible task for some people.

I don't really recommend dating sites either due to some of the reasons already stated in here.

All the best butterfly you seem like a nice person so I'm sure things will work out for you. :yesyes:

Sparks.

[Horse]

I think there's been some good advice here. I'm in the same boat (although I'm looking for a woman). Blimey, it sounds like I'm running a slave trade!

I wouldn't recommend the dating sites,,,,,,been there, done that, resulting in nothing more than an empty wallet. The free ones are full of time wasters, dreamers and posers and anyone half normal has normally been caught.

It's very hard to meet someone when you suffer anxiety, for example who in their right mind is going to want to be with us!!!!!! Even I wouldn't want me!

They say that the most common place to meet someone is at the supermaket. Thanks to that advice I'm now banned from Tesco, Waitrose, Sainsbury's and would you believe even Lidl!

[Sparkie]

lol what did you do? At least you still have Asda :yesyes:

I feel the same way about who would be interested in us cause i wouldn't want me!

But i am in touch with a really fab person on here and we get along great! So i think the single area or whatever might help. Then again i think people are kinda doing that in the pen pals section you guys should check that out and go from there if it takes ya fancy. :)

Sparks.

[onceagain]

Hi Butterfly

I was so pleased to read that you are finding confidence just by raising the subject... pilates is another great one to do... all the best and it will happen because you will be YOU and more confident and that in its self will make you more sure about what you want in your life...

Just think the floosy is doing his socks n undies and cleaning and you are out getting a life yay go girlie x ((hugs)) x