Len82
17-01-10, 17:23
I should be greateful really - i have a warm place to sleep, i have friends who probably care about me, i'm not seriously ill.... Im on my 3rd year at university
But for many years now i've been battling depression and anxiety. It feels like manic depression, because some days i feel insanely happy (invincible) and like nothing can stop me... but then some days i wake up and just want to hide away from everyone...
No words can explain how i feel...
I know i do this to myself - i worry too much about everything, i tend to drink to excess at times and i often smoke weed (which i know is not helping me)...
But the escapism of intoxication is sometimes better for me, than having to realise that i'm socially unadapted.
People annoy me, I annoy myself - I get frustrated at all the injustices in the world. I sometimes don't feel like i even belong to the same species.
BUT - I'm good at hiding it (most of the time) , people say i'm a funny guy and make people laugh, but i don't feel that way , although i can be sociable i dislike the petty rubbish that most people seem so fascinating... I also feel selfish and guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when there are people starving on the other side of the planet. This is why i don't talk about it much...
I've decided to bite the bullet and go and see a doctor and a councillor this week.... Maybe they can help me.
Wish me luck.
But for many years now i've been battling depression and anxiety. It feels like manic depression, because some days i feel insanely happy (invincible) and like nothing can stop me... but then some days i wake up and just want to hide away from everyone...
No words can explain how i feel...
I know i do this to myself - i worry too much about everything, i tend to drink to excess at times and i often smoke weed (which i know is not helping me)...
But the escapism of intoxication is sometimes better for me, than having to realise that i'm socially unadapted.
People annoy me, I annoy myself - I get frustrated at all the injustices in the world. I sometimes don't feel like i even belong to the same species.
BUT - I'm good at hiding it (most of the time) , people say i'm a funny guy and make people laugh, but i don't feel that way , although i can be sociable i dislike the petty rubbish that most people seem so fascinating... I also feel selfish and guilty for feeling sorry for myself, when there are people starving on the other side of the planet. This is why i don't talk about it much...
I've decided to bite the bullet and go and see a doctor and a councillor this week.... Maybe they can help me.
Wish me luck.