afriad of noise and neighbours

[verity]

Hi all

Can anyone help me? I have become very afriad of noise from my neighbours since I had a problem with a neighbour playing loud music and I was having panic attacks because of this. This neighbour has gone now but I cannot stop the fear that it will happen again.

I started being unable to go into my flat and I couldnt sleep there. Im really trying to go back and do nights there as I cant keep spending nights with other people all the time.

I am also very afriad of being on my own as I do not have a partner and only have a 1 bed flat. Its a council place and cant afford to rent privately otherwise I would have left by now. Even when there is little or hardley any noise I jump at every sound its like I now have a phobia of sound!

There is a man who lives downstairs from me and today when I was there a couple of his mates came over with a guitar. He wasnt in but I saw them go round again (at least they dont have the guitar) but I know I will hear voices or laughing as they are having a few cans of beer. I will be going back to the flat in a couple of hours as my counsellor is round early in the morning.

I have had anxiety for several years and am on Citalopram, Buspirone and now the doctor has given me sleeping tablets to help me sleep when I stay in the flat.

I wear wireless headphones when I am panicky and am so afriad I wont sleep and have a panic attack!

I know I can call the council if the noise became terrible but I am so scared they would know it was me and hurt me. As I am upstairs it would only be me or one other nieghbour that would complain. The man downstairs seems ok and is not agressive but this particular mate of his is rude.

Sorry to go on, Im trying to explain the situation in as few words as poss.

Im just so scared and am plauged with thoughts that I will never sleep and it will get really noisey and I wont be able to work or I will be attacked.

I dont know how to handle this its all so scarey and would love to know if anyone else has these fears or has had these fears?

Thanks

Verity
xxx

[bottleblond]

Verity

I can certainly sympathise as i have had bother with my neighbours for a few years although thankfully they moved on Christmas eve.

I am also lucky as i don't live in a flat. I did when i was younger and i couldn't go back to that.

Could you perhaps put your name down on the council exchange list?

Is it just the noise that bothers you or do you feel unsafe?

Lisa
x

[KK77]

It's very difficult having bad neighbours and I had loads of trouble in my previous property. But people sometimes seem more intimidating than they really are. It's just that having anxiety makes us focus on the worst case scenarios. I know it's difficult but try not to judge others based on the bad experiences you've had in the past.

Try to concentrate on reducing your anxiety levels because once you get that under control you won't worry so much about these sorts of things.

Take care

[verity]

Thank you so much for your replys. I mite actually put my name down on the exchange list it cant hurt. It is mainly the noise as I am very sensitive to it but I fear that if I complian I will be attacked. I feel more unsafe when there are male neighbours as I was sexually assulted as a teenager.
It helps to be told that somestimes people are more intimitating than they really are and you are right as I suffer with anxeity I do panic about the worst case scenarios. I am trying to get my general anxeity levels under control as best I can with the therapy and im just hoping this will enable me to deal with really noisey situations as they arise rather than worry every time I hear a little noise. When I get home tonight I am going to put the radio on with my headphones and just try to not think about it. Its so hard and im hoping over the next few weeks I get better at dealing with this as if I keep living in such fear I will make myself ill and I cant let that happen.

[bottleblond]

verity

Bless hun, considering the circumstances, i'm not surprised you are on edge.
You know that your doctor and counsillor can present a letter to the council explaining your situation? It may just help a little with re-housing! It's worth a try.

I really hope things improve for you soon and remember we will support you in any way we can.

Lisa
xx

[shotokansho]

Hello there. I feel exactly the same as you, although slightly different situations. I live in a house and i hate it, i feel very scared and anxious at night time, Any slight bump in the night or noise my eyes ping open and im instantly terrfied. I think my trouble is that i am so frightened of being burgled and attacked in my sleep. My gp had to prescribe me something to help me sleep so i don't hear or think about anything.
Yes i agree with the mention of a letter from your gp, my gp did the same and it worked, they do charge though so check on that.
I really hope everything works out for you. Big hugs xxx

[rozie]

I really empathise with you . I have a dreadful downstairs neighbour who comes in at four in the morning and acts in a way that would be unacceptable at four in the afternoon!

It can really put you on edge and I am at my wits end at the moment. Please trust that you will get through thisl.Its horrible while it is happening but then you have to really take action and fight this antisocial behaviour all the way.

I wish you well and just wanted to send you some support

Rozie

[darrenc]

I know how you feel because I've have this problem as well. Several years ago, I was living in Germany in a flat full of green-card holders, and every night someone would be getting drunk, shouting or playing the tv to loud. It got so bad I had to move my bed into the kitchen!

One thing that helps me now is a big wind up alarm clock that I have beside my bed. The rhythmic tick-tock of the clock is soothing in itself, and is loud enough to disguise the sound of talking in the background.

[watertheatre]

hello my myboyfriend been feeling on edge lately because of this loud music from flat dwn stairs we live in a privetly rented flat.we can hear music word word and sometimes in every room.hes taken to wearing earplugs in his sleep.we both suffer from anxiety issues not good I knw but sometimes I feel I cannot be myself as I am heavy footed,talk loud like my music ect,he doesnt want this to break us up however im used to living by myself and understand what its like to live in flats. Anyadvice to help him most appriciated.

[Going home]

To Watertheatre...if your boyfriend lives in a privately rented flat, is it not possible to move to another place?

But the theme of this thread i fully understand, and even if the noisy neighbours move away, you are so sensitised by it all that every little noise you hear, noises that probably wouldn't have bothered you before, makes you want to scream. The trick is to try and de-sensitise your reactions somehow, in much the same way that we have to do to cope with health anxiety. If the answer is to talk to a therapist then do so...if the feelings left over from this are affecting your quality of life.

Best wishes
GH xx

[watertheatre]

Thanks for Advice going home.

[kill em with kindnes]

I had a terrible problem with the noise of the tenant above me. For nine years she wore hard shoes on the floors and would have very loud ranting conversations at all hours. I complained to the council and nothing happened. I have recently befriended her and we are building a much more positive neighbourly relationship. She still wears the shoes and it can make me feel a little sick, anxious and upset but my reactions are much better now that I see her as just another human being, not someone to hate or argue with. She isn't doing it to get at me, it's just the way it is. We plan to move but hopefully, in a loving way.

[verity]

Thanks so much guys for your support. My internet has not been connecting so I am having to use mums when I can. Im going back to my flat tonight and I am so scared as on Thursday night when I stayed there I could hear doors being closed and men talking at 11pm so I found it hard to sleep. Im hoping I can get my internet working today so I can go on here more often. I saw my doctor yesterday who said that when I hear a noise I have to stop thinking the thought "this will go on all night and I wont sleep and if I complain they will hurt me" I know this way of thinking is not helping. I have to concentrate on thinking something different.

[Caz 47]

Hi i know how you feel about neighbours and noise this has plagued me for along time the slightest noise and i panic banging of car doors neighbours outside making a noise children screaming i panic in fact most noises make me go into a world wind panic ... ive tried to calm myself down i talk to myself saying nothing is going to hurt me and it will be all over soon sometimes it works and others i just sit and sweat my stomach churns i try to do deep breathing but to know avail .. The thing i find most helpful is too listen to music or a audio tape that blocks out the noise i even bought ear plugs to help with the noise ..

Its is the fear factor that dosent help.. inside you fear what is going to happen and most times nothing ever does i always find the nightime the best very late when things have calmed down for a while then i can relax for a short time and hopefully fall into a calm and restful sleep ..

I really do know how you feel so please believe your not alone on this one ..

I hope your situation can improve very soon .. take care ..

[shoegal]

I'm sorry you are having problems with your neighbours. Have you actually spoken to them and told them that their noise is disturbing you? You may find them to be very appologetic and unaware that they were bothering you.

I have suffered from noisy neighbours for 9 years. The man who owns the house next door used to play loud techno all the time, sometimes as early as 6am, and on one occasion it stayed on for 13 hours non-stop! It caused my boyfriend of the time to have a nervous breakdown and in the end he refused to visit me in my house because of the noise coming from nextdoor. Eventually the owner of the house moved out but rented it to one of his friends who also likes loud music. He has laminate floors, floor standing speakers, and smaller surround sound speakers wired to the walls. He plays his TV ridiculously loud and if there is a car chase or a shooting on the TV I literally jump out of my skin! He plays his music so loud that the walls shake, the floor vibrates and I can't hear my own TV! I tried wearing my ipod but I can hear his music over that too! I have suffered many panic attacks because of the noise and have become nervous and jumpy in my own home as a result. I have approached him MANY times and he has either said he was sorry but carried on doing it anyway, or made stupid sexual comments, or threatened to have my sister's dog put down, or had his friends laugh in my face or make fun of me... etc etc. I have considered calling environmental health but he would know it was me and I think he would make my life hell. :weep:

All I can suggest to you is that you wear earplugs in bed and listen to your own music or TV through headphones if you can. I know you shouldn't have to but if it helps reduce your anxiety then it's got to be worth a try. I agree with others on this thread who say it would help to desensitise yourself to noise but I have no idea how you do that when you're being bombarded with other people's noise all the time and your anxiety is sky high!

Anyway, I just wanted you to know you are not alone. Sadly, noisy neighbours are a common cause of anxiety.

[Typer]

This might seem strange, but I have the opposite. I love to hear the sound of people, music etc and can only sleep with sounds going on. As a teen I lived on a major Road and I think I became used to noise.

Now I live in a really quiet cul -de - sac and the quiet keeps me awake all night LOl. sorry to intervene with something contrary to the theme, but I thought maybe this would show how we are all affected differently and it's how we view things that creates a lot of our stress.

When I lived in a flat on my own, I used to pray for a neighbour to make noise while I drifted off...I don't mean have a rave up party though, just the sound of voices, TV or movement

[Ziggy77]

Hi,

I have a similar problem, not quite the same situation.

My neighbours next door (in house attached to us) go on holiday a lot, they have some sort of holiday home somewhere, but seems to be every couple of months for a week or 2 at time and about 4 weeks in summer.

Anyway, every time they go away their kid (well he's about 19) stays behind and spends the next week or 2 having parties, playing loud music, or watching TV loud until the early hours.

It's bad enough when it happens but I have now got myself in a state where I am looking out wondering if they are away and when it will happen next.

They are away the the moment, so currently going through it again. I know it will happen again Easter time so even when they are back I will dread the next time.

If we go round, it lowers for a while but a typical kid, he usually goes back to normal the next night and it starts again.

Just feeling really fed up at the moment. I am working from home so it feels a little like I can not get away from it, which probably makes it seem worse.

I know its not quite as bad as having it happen all the time, but still the feelings of helplessness when it does really gets to me :mad:

J

[carmelloo]

Hi there,

I can completely relate to what everyone is saying on here. I've had anxiety about noise from neighbours and housemates for years. I've lost count of the times I've ended up sleeping in the bathroom to try and get some peace! I've never met anyone else who feels the same way so its nice to know I'm not the only one. I currently live with my boyfriend and I freaked out last night because some kids were having a party in one of the houses behind us. There was no loud music but they were singing and talking loudly (just having a good time) but I became really anxious and worried that it would go on all night. My boyfriend is losing his patience with me over this as its his house and he doesn't understand why I get so stressed out.
I have lived on my own before beside neighbours who played loud music etc and who generally were not very considerate. One night I banged on the floor trying to get them to turn it down and the next day there was a mattress up against my front door to try and stop me getting out. I think this freaked me out a lot. I should have knocked on their door rather than bang on the floor but still, a nasty thing to do.
My father was also a drinker as we were growing up which meant there were a lot of rows and noise at night time. I think that has stayed with me and I now connect hearing rowdy drunken people with feeling threatened. I live across the road from a pub now which doesn't help! :ohmy:

I do feel I am making some progress though and I'm not as oversensitive to noise as I used to be. If I could just get used to the parties I'd be grand.

Verity, have you ever tried wax earplugs? I find them great when trying to sleep as they block out most noise. I completely understand your anxiety with your male neighbours, I have felt the same way. I used to freak out when my male housemate would bring his girlfriend home (his room was next to mine) or if he would bring male friends home. I don't really understand why I react the way I do but sometimes if I lie there and just listen to the noise (if its not too intrusive) rather than try to ignore it I get bored and start thinking about something else. Anyway, good luck and I hope you get to move to a nice peaceful place.

[verity]

Thanks GH, I am trying to desensitise myself to being in my flat especially at nite.

I still wear headphones with relaxing music on if I feel really paniky, Its one step at a time so I hope I get to the point where I can stay here more and not jump at every bump and bang.

I keep having to remind myself that I will never live anywhere that is totally silent. I seem to think I wont cope unless it is really silent but that is not reality. If I hear a bang or bump or something I try to tell myself that its just normal living sounds and that it wont hurt me.

I have not yet had a full blown panic attack so I am doing well, I just feel so abnormal feeling this way

Verity
xxxx

[beccam]

I can sympathise I have a loud neighbor who occasionally gets drunk and stands on his balcony shouting a load of crap it can be really scary sometimes.

Then theirs the fact I live near a helicopter landing place and we also have LOADS of planes which makes me jump out of my skin sometimes because I panic its a sign something terrible is going to happen. (No planes tonight though:yesyes:)

Just remember your doors are locked your neighbors cant come in and hurt you eaiser said than done I know.

[Ronny]

Hi.I am the opposite as well I love to hear music it helps distract me from thinking about my worries,but I don't like my neighbours bloody barking dog which barks 24/7.I have had so many arguements with them,and phoned the council but nothing has happened.I might have to take matters into my own hands.I am not afraid of them I think they are afraid of me,as I often have a lot of Hells Angels at my place.Stand up for yourself you will be surprised how good you feel.:)

[AnthonyJames]

Noise is a problem for some. A good way to try and sort this is to try and listen to your music a little louder. It will get you used to the higher noise again.

You must tell yourself that the neighbour was the problem - not you! Not every neighbour is bad and who knows, the next neighbour may indeed be your knight in shining armour?????