Astarian
18-01-10, 10:31
Hello everyone,
My name is Catherine, I''m 47 and live in Wales. I joined this site a year or so ago, cant remember why back then, must have been upset about something, anyway this time I am here because:
I had recently developed a horrible phobia over falling on the snow and ice. the stuff was terrifying me so much I was getting a taxi to and from work and I live a literal 5 minute walk from my job in a newsagents.
It got too much and I needed to get some help (never had anything like it before!) but once I started speaking to the doc it was a disaster, everything poured out. It appears that my grans death in november and a bad fall i took 3 weeks after that have come together in my mind to cause extreme anxiety about falling. Even tho the snow has gone I'm still afraid of falling on certain surfaces, if its raining, i fear slipping even on tarmac..I did that once years ago and broke my foot...so...I fear falling.
The anxiety has gotten worse over the last 2 weeks as more and more 'stuff' has come up or out.. I feel unsafe in lots of situations 'out there'. I feel safest at home but I force myself to go out because I dont want it to become that I never go out...I try to be rational but sometimes its impossible, its like I watch myself and can do nothing at all about my reactions..so weird and scary.I'm having trouble understanding what is happening to me.
Today is the best day I've had since this happened. Normally I'm a fighter and strong, or so i thought..originally I thought I'd be back to work after the 1st week and a bit of a rest, and I could 'make myself' get over it:lac: but now I see I have a lot of unresolved issues and this 'breakdown is just the end result of several years worth of avoidance and this 'stuff' needs to be dealt with and my grans death was the trigger,(my gran was very very important to me) its like an avalanche. Thats what the doc concluded last week and I agree with her..now. Its hard facing it but I can see where I've been in denial.
I suffered from suicidal depression when I was 29/30 years old but got over it eventually, and considered my self to be ok since. no meds.
My past contains abuse of one sort or another, (family and partners) I havent really dealt with that. I no longer feel safe around men, a recent development also. (this is so men on the site hopefully understand if I ignore you, depends on what sort of day it is)
So I'm on 20mg citalopram, day 15 today. I have an assessment on 25th jan for what counselling i need, and I'm signed off work till then.
Reading all the threads here has been a big help to me and I've concluded its fairly safe to post here now..and I feel good today:blush:
Thanks for being here, to everyone for their sharing,
catherine xxx
My name is Catherine, I''m 47 and live in Wales. I joined this site a year or so ago, cant remember why back then, must have been upset about something, anyway this time I am here because:
I had recently developed a horrible phobia over falling on the snow and ice. the stuff was terrifying me so much I was getting a taxi to and from work and I live a literal 5 minute walk from my job in a newsagents.
It got too much and I needed to get some help (never had anything like it before!) but once I started speaking to the doc it was a disaster, everything poured out. It appears that my grans death in november and a bad fall i took 3 weeks after that have come together in my mind to cause extreme anxiety about falling. Even tho the snow has gone I'm still afraid of falling on certain surfaces, if its raining, i fear slipping even on tarmac..I did that once years ago and broke my foot...so...I fear falling.
The anxiety has gotten worse over the last 2 weeks as more and more 'stuff' has come up or out.. I feel unsafe in lots of situations 'out there'. I feel safest at home but I force myself to go out because I dont want it to become that I never go out...I try to be rational but sometimes its impossible, its like I watch myself and can do nothing at all about my reactions..so weird and scary.I'm having trouble understanding what is happening to me.
Today is the best day I've had since this happened. Normally I'm a fighter and strong, or so i thought..originally I thought I'd be back to work after the 1st week and a bit of a rest, and I could 'make myself' get over it:lac: but now I see I have a lot of unresolved issues and this 'breakdown is just the end result of several years worth of avoidance and this 'stuff' needs to be dealt with and my grans death was the trigger,(my gran was very very important to me) its like an avalanche. Thats what the doc concluded last week and I agree with her..now. Its hard facing it but I can see where I've been in denial.
I suffered from suicidal depression when I was 29/30 years old but got over it eventually, and considered my self to be ok since. no meds.
My past contains abuse of one sort or another, (family and partners) I havent really dealt with that. I no longer feel safe around men, a recent development also. (this is so men on the site hopefully understand if I ignore you, depends on what sort of day it is)
So I'm on 20mg citalopram, day 15 today. I have an assessment on 25th jan for what counselling i need, and I'm signed off work till then.
Reading all the threads here has been a big help to me and I've concluded its fairly safe to post here now..and I feel good today:blush:
Thanks for being here, to everyone for their sharing,
catherine xxx