Really struggling

[Zingara]

Hi everyone,
I don't know if anyone will remember me - I was on here all the time a couple of years ago. I kind of stopped posting gradually - not even sure why, it wasn't that I got better so much as I just ran out of things to say! But this is a great site - I still have a lot of friends from on here that i keep in touch with. If anyone does remember me please say hello, as I feel kind of sad that most of my old friends aren't on here any more.
I had a breakdown following an operation in Sept 07. Since then life has been a dark tunnel, to be honest I am kind of surprised I'm still here. I am 31 and long term unemployed. I have very severe general anxiety, severe emetophobia, panic attacks, difficulty with eating and intermittent OCD. I also have a lot of emotional problems arising out of a difficult childhood, complicated family relationships, and being badly bullied at school.
I don't have a specific question, just finding life so hard at the moment - this winter is a nightmare for me. I am so claustrophobic due to the cold and dark - thank God the snow has melted - but everything is so hard! I just feel blank and empty, it was almost easier during the days when I cried all the time, now I am more resigned to what is happening - or not happening - but I feel so lost, it's hard to put into words.
Anyway, thanks for reading.

[ladybird64]

Hello Samira..I remember you. :hugs:

It doesn't matter if you feel that you don't have anything to say, you know that you are always welcome to be here, don't you?

There have been many times when I have logged in but just couldn't write anything, not even to answer someone else's post or to say hello.

Rest easy hun, no need to be lost. The NMP family is a big family to be part of so you are never truly on your own. :flowers:

[Zingara]

Thank you ladybird - I just feel like crying today, I don't even know why particularly - just the grind of it all, and the way the anxiety never seems to leave me alone, even for a day. Thanks for replying, it really helps. xx

[Maj]

Hello Samira,

I only joined in July of last year and have enjoyed being a member of nmp. Reading other people's posts really makes you feel that you are not alone. I hit a wee setback again after many years, although I have issues in my life that have probably brought it on. I know that I can get through this though. I'm sorry you feel so low. I have heard many people recently expressing how fed up they feel, that they think they have SAD! I honestly think the winter brings low moods to many. My husband and I went for a car ride yesterday and sat beside a loch and all of a sudden the sun came out and you could feel the warmth. The first thing I said was that I hadn't seen the sun for such a long time and I wanted to just sit and drink it in, which I did. It almost moved me to tears and lifted me a bit. Corny though it sounds!! You will get lots of support here again and will feel better. Better days are in store:)
Myra x:hugs:

[Under~The~Stars]

Hey Samira :hugs:

I have learnt that it doesn't matter how long you leave NMP for, you can always come back and be welcomed back with open arms... :bighug1: I used to use NMP a lot too, and have just recently started using it again. It is such a great place.

I am sorry you are having a bad time just now :weep: I hope you find the help and support you need here. And make some more friends along the way :hugs:

The feelings will pass...

You take care,

x

[Veronica H]

:bighug1:I remember you Samira. Glad you have found us again.

Veronicax:flowers: