Human Nature

[W.I.F.T.S.]

At the moment I feel like I try and give so much and I get so little back and I don't know whether that is the harsh reality of the world or just the way that people are reacting to me because I'm depressed.

I volunteered for a local theatre group recently and gave up quite a lot of my time painting their sets. I was half-expecting some praise or gratitude from the director when he saw our efforts, but he didn't seem interested. And when I went to see the play (for which I had to pay to get into), instead of my name being in the programme, they had put the name of the leading actress, who had nothing at all to do with the sets. Not only that, but they had painted out some of what I had done. I felt very offended and under-appreciated.

Last week I sent all my long-distance friends christmas cards via email and, even though I know they have been picked up, not one of them has sent me a quick message saying thank you or merry christmas.

I know that if I'm looking for something back from my good deeds that I'm doing it for the wrong reasons, but just a little bit of gratitude would make me feel so much more appreciated. I've felt so depressed for so long and I'm taking a giant leap by reaching out and trying to be proactive. I just find it so discouraging and disheartening that most people don't appear to give a toss. They can't be bothered to make a small effort that would make someone else really happy.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Ma Larkin]

Hi, I know the feeling! I'm a single parent with 3 kids, everyone seems to take advantage of me and I get no thanks back. Loaning money out, buying pressies for other people just because I work in a town centre and they are too idle to get off their backsides because its busy, but expect me to queue up in shops for half an hour at a time for them! To make matters worse, my boyfriend (if you can call him that - we have spent 2 years together on a very casual basis) has just started seeing his 3 kids again after 6 years and on Friday another kid popped out of the woodwork that I didn't even know about!! I haven't seen him all week cos he's "bonding" with this youngest one! We went shoppping on Saturday and I bought his other 3 kids presents cos he's skint, lat Xmas he was in Goa, which I paid for as well!! On Sunday I had a go at him and said I felt left out with all these kids springing up, who are costing me money not him, and he said I was insensitive and selfish!! For the past 2 years he has treated my kids as his own and they love him so much and now he's just dropped them cos he's got his own now. My Mum has now got a social life (she's 65) she never used to go out at all and we always had Xmas at her house, but not this year, she's "busy", my Dad's an alcoholic and the kids Dad is going away for Xmas with his new girlfriend!! Do you ever wonder what we did in a previous life to deserve all this?? I'm sure I was a mass murderer or something!! I think we should make a joinr New Year's resolution to put number 1 first! My counsellor said I put everyone else before me and by the looks of it she's right, so I reckon we should be positive now and tell them all to naff off and think about ourselves for a change. Hope you agree!! Have a nice Xmas if you can, and take care, Les, xx

[existential crisis]

Its very true that people can be unappreciative of your efforts sometimes but I think that's just life unfortunately. I mean do they know that you are suffering from depression? Do they know that what you have done has been a massive step for you? If they dont, they're probably just being how they always are - only in your depressed state you taking it more personally because you just feel a little bit delicate at the moment - and therefore their non-acknowledgement of your efforts has hurt that little bit more. If I was you I would be secure in the knowledge that you have done something amazing for yourself and that getting back out there and doing something is a good step on your road to recovery. As for your friends not returning your e-cards, my friends are exactly the same. I never take it personally because I know they give me support, encouragement and make me feel appreciated in other ways. The way I see it, you have done everything right - you have contacted your friends in time for Christmas, you have started making the effort to get your life back on track and you should be giving yourself some credit. :) xxx

*I think, therefore I am.*

[Insomniac]

Hi there.

I find that when I'm depressed I agonise so much more over things. I don't think others realise just how difficult it can be and how much effort it really takes. People are so busy at Christmas they don't think how their lack of response affects others.

I think you have to give yourself a pat on the back for what you've done. When depression is really bad, just getting out of bed is an achievement. You have done so much - well done!

Lisa. :)

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Thanks guys,

I feel like I'm surrounded by a lot of very negative people. My family are all "I told you so's" and "you'll never be able to do that" and my girlfriend is probably the most uptight person I have ever met, she is such a stresshead and she's so picky. She expects me to do loads for her and the way she talks to me sometimes is like one of those really stressed out mothers who berate their kids in supermarkets.

I was living in London when I started suffering badly from stress, anxiety, panic attacks and depression and I came back home to Cheshire to recuperate. When I became unwell my behaviour was very erratic and I lost most of my "friends". I sometimes wonder if coming home was a bad move because I don't really have very many friends and I'm stuck out in the country. It makes me wonder if I got away from all these negative influences if I'd get better much quicker. I know that I'm not really doing what I want to here. It's just that I don't have much trust in myself and home feels relatively safe.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Ma Larkin]

I know where you're coming from with the negative influences. Don't you find that people seem to constantly take advantage, or to us it feels like they do. I do wonder if I fully understand people like my boyfriend. He's great at turning negatives into positives for himself, but never seems to do it for me. All I get is "get a grip Les, just because you're depressed doesn't mean I have to be", yet at other times he's the most caring bloke in the world. He speaks to me like your girlfriend does to you and it is ssoooo annoying at times. I don't think anyone will fully understand me which makes it hard for me to understand them. If I started ranting on to my boyfriend about how I was feeling he would say "shut up, you're boring me now", yet other times, he's a darling. Bloody Jekyll and Hyde if you ask me, which is how I feel most of the time!!