lonewolf
18-01-10, 13:46
Hi all,
I joined this site a couple of year's ago and got some useful help. Although I can't remember my log in details looking over the forum's I can remember some names. Let me tell you about myself.
I am 29 male from england northwest, I have suffered with panic / anxiety attacks on and off since I was about 13. It got to the point a couple of year's ago where I was finding it hard to live. I would find it hard to step out of my house, even simple things like going to the pub with my friends was a big step. And if I didn't feel 100% right I just couldn't go and would make up excuses. Getting a job was hard as my panic anxiety attacks normally happened when I found myself in a situation where I just couldnt get up and leave if I wanted too. If I felt trapped it would freak me out. So the thought of sitting in a small room having a job interview I just couldn't do it.
I found this forum and started talking. I was feeling good and postive. and after awhile someone suggested I wrote a letter to my Doctor explaining everything. I let it all out wrote him a letter saying everything, And how I needed help but my fears it wasnt easy for me to just walk into the doctors as it would trigger my panic attack off. I sent it off. A couple of weeks went by with no answer. eventually after a month my brother had a check up and he mentioned it to the doctor if he had my letter. After than the doctors receptionist rang me. She stated that the doctor could fit me in that afternoon, I was like but I can't just go down. she said she would get the doctor to ring me. I felt a sense of relive thinking he was going to talk to me about stuff over the phone first step of getting help. I waited awhile and the phone rang it was the doctor. He was useless basically told me to come in and see him if I needed to talk about anything. That was all. I even had the receptionist ring me back in the afternoon and she was being really funny with me saying that a appointment was booked and I didn't turn up. I told her I didn't book the appointment. After that I felt mad. But something changed inside in. I realised that no one could help me but myself. I made a promise that day I was going to snap out of it. I started to force myself to go out everyday just for a walk. and to talk to one person I don't know even if it was a simple "Hello". this helped lot's every little step I was growing in confidence. Finally I saw a job advertised for a caretaker at my local community hall. I sent off my CV and got a call the same day asking me to meet them for a interview. All the panic emotions started flooding back, but I thought am not letting this get the better of me. I knew this job entialed dealing alot with the public and it would benifit me alot. So I went for the interview I was as straight with them as I could be told them about my panic anexity attacks. But how I thought I could do the job and why. I started to feel panicky but quickly started talking more to get the thoughts out of my head. At the end of the interview they offered me the job. My confidence was high. Even though I knew I was shy and lacked confidence I felt I could do it. since then things have been going pretty well I wouldnt say am over it I still get panicky now and again.
But the thing I'm going through now is. Theres something every day I have to worry about. Am so scared of becoming ill. Each day is a battle with my body it's almost like I find something wrong with me on purpose to worry about. weather it be a lump in my ear, or a sore throat to too many headaches etc. It's driving me mad. I don't want to feel like this, And again need some support. I am sorry for making you read all of that. But hopefully some people suffering with panic and anxiety attack. Can take something from what I experinced.
And I look forwards to talking to you all soon
I joined this site a couple of year's ago and got some useful help. Although I can't remember my log in details looking over the forum's I can remember some names. Let me tell you about myself.
I am 29 male from england northwest, I have suffered with panic / anxiety attacks on and off since I was about 13. It got to the point a couple of year's ago where I was finding it hard to live. I would find it hard to step out of my house, even simple things like going to the pub with my friends was a big step. And if I didn't feel 100% right I just couldn't go and would make up excuses. Getting a job was hard as my panic anxiety attacks normally happened when I found myself in a situation where I just couldnt get up and leave if I wanted too. If I felt trapped it would freak me out. So the thought of sitting in a small room having a job interview I just couldn't do it.
I found this forum and started talking. I was feeling good and postive. and after awhile someone suggested I wrote a letter to my Doctor explaining everything. I let it all out wrote him a letter saying everything, And how I needed help but my fears it wasnt easy for me to just walk into the doctors as it would trigger my panic attack off. I sent it off. A couple of weeks went by with no answer. eventually after a month my brother had a check up and he mentioned it to the doctor if he had my letter. After than the doctors receptionist rang me. She stated that the doctor could fit me in that afternoon, I was like but I can't just go down. she said she would get the doctor to ring me. I felt a sense of relive thinking he was going to talk to me about stuff over the phone first step of getting help. I waited awhile and the phone rang it was the doctor. He was useless basically told me to come in and see him if I needed to talk about anything. That was all. I even had the receptionist ring me back in the afternoon and she was being really funny with me saying that a appointment was booked and I didn't turn up. I told her I didn't book the appointment. After that I felt mad. But something changed inside in. I realised that no one could help me but myself. I made a promise that day I was going to snap out of it. I started to force myself to go out everyday just for a walk. and to talk to one person I don't know even if it was a simple "Hello". this helped lot's every little step I was growing in confidence. Finally I saw a job advertised for a caretaker at my local community hall. I sent off my CV and got a call the same day asking me to meet them for a interview. All the panic emotions started flooding back, but I thought am not letting this get the better of me. I knew this job entialed dealing alot with the public and it would benifit me alot. So I went for the interview I was as straight with them as I could be told them about my panic anexity attacks. But how I thought I could do the job and why. I started to feel panicky but quickly started talking more to get the thoughts out of my head. At the end of the interview they offered me the job. My confidence was high. Even though I knew I was shy and lacked confidence I felt I could do it. since then things have been going pretty well I wouldnt say am over it I still get panicky now and again.
But the thing I'm going through now is. Theres something every day I have to worry about. Am so scared of becoming ill. Each day is a battle with my body it's almost like I find something wrong with me on purpose to worry about. weather it be a lump in my ear, or a sore throat to too many headaches etc. It's driving me mad. I don't want to feel like this, And again need some support. I am sorry for making you read all of that. But hopefully some people suffering with panic and anxiety attack. Can take something from what I experinced.
And I look forwards to talking to you all soon