Another Newbie

[laurelcanyon]

Hello,

I've just joined up after reading some of the posts and feeling hugely relieved that i'm not alone in my "oddness". I'm not sure if this is the right place to be expressing all this but here goes...

I live alone and work from home so don't get out much. Although I could afford to go out and socialise a couple of times a month I usually choose not to and instead my best friend comes to visit. She is like a sister to me, and is the only one who in many cases sees and understands (or at least tries to accept) my weirdness. I always feel safe when she is around. I don't have a boyfriend and find it very hard to meet people. I would love nothing more than have a partner who could understand my problems and accept them.

I have what would probably be classed as an obsessive routine every day - up at same time, lunch at same time, shower at same time and often the same foods and drink each day. When my routine is disrupted I get grumpy, and definitely into a bit of a panic. For instance, if I don't get to my bed at the alloted time, if i'm away with work and have to eat different things at different times from usual.

When people come to stay I can't cope with their stuff being around. I clean immediately after they leave as I hate their germs on on my things (toilet, sofa, bed etc).

I become obsessed with "projects", usually things around the home maybe related to decor. I'll use the internet to research something to death, then buy things and build things. I also collect things obsessively and have from a veyr early age.

In the last 2 years I started to suffer from anxiety when I leave the house, always worried i'll get diarrhoa (as anxiety brings it on), particularly if I have to travel for work (Airplane), go out for dinner with friends etc. The last couple of times I had to travel I almost couldn't go through with it but forced myself. It appears to get worse each time but this is probably just me worrying/focusing on it. My heart races, I sweat, have the diarrhoa etc

I have spoken to the dr and she sent me for a heart monitor thingy because I mentioned the palpatations. I haven't gone back although I know I should, I don't know where to start explaining all the aspects of how I feel.

I have a very bad temper that is often irrational, and although I have never been violent I often imagine hitting the person or thing that's annoying me. I can be annoyed very easily.

So there you have it. A few of my issues summarised. I really feel I'll get something from this forum and in time maybe even be able to help others.

thanks,
laurel :)

[diane07]

Hi laurelcanyon

A huge warm welcome to nmp.

You'll get loads of advice and support here and make some lovely friends along the way.

Best wishes

[lonewolf]

Welcome , Although I dont have OCD I know alot of people on here do , and will be able to support you. I have always been interested in OCD and I hope you find the this site useful and it help's you back on track in life.

[Maj]

Hello Laurel, (what a lovely name)

First of all can I just say that I don't find you "odd" or "weird"! Many of us a creatures of habit, I'm probably a bit like this myself. Just because you like a routine doesn't make you strange, infact you sound very organised!! I know lots of people who don't like having people stay. It obviously bothers you though and you are obviously experiencing symptoms of anxiety at times. The fact that you spend lots of time at home sounds like it's like a safe haven for you. It's a pity you don't go out with your friend now and again. It would lift your mind and you never know who you might meet. I think it's all about getting out of a rut and we need to make a determined effort to do this. You have a great insight to your feelings which is great. I think for you it's all about trying to get out more and interact with people. Too much time spent alone makes time for lots of anxious introspection. You can overcome anxiety symptoms with the right attitude and acceptance. I'd get that monitor done and be reassured that your heart is fine. Palpitations are so common, I suffer greatly from them myself, but they are harmless. I personally find that exercise, e.g. walking, swimming, etc. helps me greatly. It de-stresses you and gets rid of anxious, irritated feelings.
You'll get lots of support and advice from this site and realise that you are not alone with how you are feeling.
Myra:hugs:

[Persephone]

If you have trouble explaining yourself to your doctor then remember you can also write down your issues for them to read, or for you to read them out. That way you don't leave anything out and you get a chance to refine what you want to express. Remember that various types of anxiety disoder are very common- many people suffer little bouts of them in their lifetime even if they don't become chronic- and your doctor will be used to hearing this type of story.

It's good that you're still forcing yourself to go away with work when you have to as the more you avoid situations, the more you fear them as you assume them to be more terrifying than they actually are.

I recommend going back to your doctor and looking for a therapist to help you with these problems. Therapy has been proven to be the best treatment for most kinds of anxiety and can always be combined with medication if your doctor feels this would be beneficial.

Many people feel how you do; I too worry about illness, diarrhoea etc. when I'm out, even though it very rarely happens. It can be very difficult to stop these negative thoughts and instead reinforce ones that make you confident in your ability to go out. It won't be easy and it will involve feeling some discomfort in the form of anxiety, but it is definitely possible.

Good luck x

[laurelcanyon]

hello,
thank you so much for all your kind words and advice.

I think for now I will start to make a list of the things that are bothering me, then when I feel I've got everything down i'll make an appointment with a dr. Listening to this advice it seems so obvious now that this can be my first step.

With regards to getting out more I'm heading out to a show with my friend tonight. My feelings are more "I can't be bothered" than "I'm frightened", but i'm forcing myself to go and enjoy the evening.

thanks again,
Laurel

[Mr Parfect]

Welcome to NMP!