nat38
18-01-10, 21:20
Hi, I'm reletively new here, been reading post but it's the first of my own.
I'll try to make it not too long.
For the last year or so, I've been having bursts of anxiety. If I had to put a start to it, unfortunately, I'll have to say that is related to the beginning of a new relationship with the man that is now my husband. In the worst stage I had derealization and constant very high anxiety. Now I have almost constat intrusive thoughts (mainly sexual, HOCD type, with lots of checking) but also other types, such as relationship substantiation (ROCD?) and now, the latest, panic about getting pregnant and/or having children. I KNOW that I love my husband sooo deeply and that this, the relationship and a family, is what I most want in my life, I have been longing for it for years, yet now that is here, that is closer, I feel paralysed and full of extreme anxiety just by thinking about it. I have good days, but I also have terrible ones when I can't stop crying, asking myself what's wrong with me, why I can't just be like everybody else, thinking this must mean something is wrong with my relationship and that I am actually in denial, and that only by accepting that I like women or that I want to be alone I will finally happy be happy.
This is devastating. I am totally confused, I do not what I feel/think anymore. I had many (many!) years of psychoanalysis in the past so it is not easy for me not to look for reasons for all this.
Yet I also think there is something deeper in me that has been completely turned upside down and it's causing me all this anxiety/fear.
l'll be starting therapy soon (in the NHS) but I am really worried they will not be able to diagnose me properly and will go through the wrong path and left me more messed up.
Do you have any hints/ideas for me to make good use of therapy?
Thanks!
I'll try to make it not too long.
For the last year or so, I've been having bursts of anxiety. If I had to put a start to it, unfortunately, I'll have to say that is related to the beginning of a new relationship with the man that is now my husband. In the worst stage I had derealization and constant very high anxiety. Now I have almost constat intrusive thoughts (mainly sexual, HOCD type, with lots of checking) but also other types, such as relationship substantiation (ROCD?) and now, the latest, panic about getting pregnant and/or having children. I KNOW that I love my husband sooo deeply and that this, the relationship and a family, is what I most want in my life, I have been longing for it for years, yet now that is here, that is closer, I feel paralysed and full of extreme anxiety just by thinking about it. I have good days, but I also have terrible ones when I can't stop crying, asking myself what's wrong with me, why I can't just be like everybody else, thinking this must mean something is wrong with my relationship and that I am actually in denial, and that only by accepting that I like women or that I want to be alone I will finally happy be happy.
This is devastating. I am totally confused, I do not what I feel/think anymore. I had many (many!) years of psychoanalysis in the past so it is not easy for me not to look for reasons for all this.
Yet I also think there is something deeper in me that has been completely turned upside down and it's causing me all this anxiety/fear.
l'll be starting therapy soon (in the NHS) but I am really worried they will not be able to diagnose me properly and will go through the wrong path and left me more messed up.
Do you have any hints/ideas for me to make good use of therapy?
Thanks!