do i have OCD???

[xsarahxjanex]

hi every-one im new on this bit of the website, i usually post on the HA section.
basiclly i have always been a worrier, then a yr ago my life got turned upside down when my father died of a brain tumor secondary to lung cancer. in the months b4 his death he became very confused and forgetful and found it very hard to communicate. life got very stressfull after that as i gained care of my younger sis (i am also a young mother)
suddenly i started to get scared that i had a brain tumor, or something else wrong with my brain. i got diagnosed with ha and had councelling and cbt but the thought of having something wrong with my brain wont go away, its turned into an obession. all day, everyday its like theres a voice telling me there is some-thing wrong. if i make any mistake with anything i convince myself theres something wrong. i give myself such a hard time about every mistake i make. i play games such as suduko, or any other game that requires a lot of concentration just to make sure my brains working properly, i get no enjoyment out of the game, its just i have to do it. i constantly go over my day to make sure i havent made any mistakes. its taking over my life.
the thing that most made me think its ocd was back in november i read a mag article about a young girl who was abused. after reading it i began to panic and think that one day i could turn into a child abuser. i know i never would, i would rather die than hurt a child but my mind wouldent stop telling me i could turn into one. sorry 4 the rant, ive been 2 scared to talk to anyone, so i needed to offload. any advice is much appreaciated xxx

[Maj]

The repeated and obsessive thoughts are all part of anxiety and/or depression. They are very common in a tired mind. But never forget, they are only THOUGHTS!! They can't do you any harm. They depend on your dislike of them to keep happening. Let them not matter and they'll go away. Also, the child abuse thing is suggestibility brought on by anxiety - the anxious sufferer thinks that everything they read or watch on t.v. will happen to them next....! You are not alone, many people have intrusive thoughts. If you can accept them and carry on with your normal life they will go, but if you find it really difficult then your doctor can help with medication which can be of great benefit until you get your strength up to cope yourself.
Myra:hugs:

[BRB.emet]

I don't think it's ocd but just anxiety, unless like you have to do a routine everyday like after lunch you have to do a sudoku puzzle if not you get a brain tumor. (which is not going to happen) I have ocd and i have to make this perfect or do things 3 times, or else my brain would tell me i will get sick. So just remember that the thoughts in your head can't hurt you. And on a comfortable day try not doing a sudoku puzzle even if your brain tells you to do it. If you accomplish that and nothing bad happens (which it won't) then you have proven to yourself that if you don't do something nothing bad will happen. That the first big step on getting rid of it. Keep fighting it! we are in this together! :hugs:

[Carys]

I really feel for you, your father only died a year ago, and not only did you have to deal with grieving and loss (at a young age) but also take on the care of your sister as well as your own child/children. What huge life pressures coming from many directions, it is no wonder you feel anxiety and have obsessive thoughts. Obsessive thoughts are so frightening because you just can't seem to get away from them, you can turn your eyes from the t.v. or an image, or shut your ears from a sound, but when your brain is in overdrive you can't shut it off.

I don't know if you have OCD, I'm not a medic, so won't try and diagnose. I will say though that this thought...



i would rather die than hurt a child but my mind wouldent stop telling me i could turn into one


....is a bit of a classic where anxiety is involved. Not particularly about child abuse, but about people thinking that they 'could' do the most awful thing that their mind could think up. It is the very fact that they ABHOR and detest the action (abuse, assault etc.) and it sickens them to the pit of their stomach that they fear that they could do it if they 'lost control' and their brain 'made' them do it. When I had a baby 12 years ago, I feared that I could 'do something awful' to the baby....I thought that my head could 'make me' do it ! It was that fear that I would possibly just do it, with something else taking control of me that make me incredibly distressed and anxious.

My doctor told me at the time that I was the LEAST likely person to ever harm your child, as the massive fear I felt about 'possibly' doing anything actually showed my deep-seated moral code and love for my baby. I questioned several mental health professionals about this at the time, thinking they would be shocked, but none were. They all told me that the very fact that I had that immense fear, made them absolutely sure that I would never ever do anything. It is fear making you feel what you are feeling, it is an odd feeling, but you will NOT lose control and CAN NOT become something like an abuser when you find it so hideous.

It is JUST fear ! That is all. Do you think you need contact with your mental health team again to talk through these new feelings, so that they can also reassure you ? There is name for this type of anxiety/stress reaction.....but I'm afraid I can't recall what it is. Someone else might ?

Take Care

[xsarahxjanex]

thank u for your help every-one. i feel a lot better. i feel i can go to the docs and talk to them now, where as before i was too scared of what they might think of me. xxx