im tearing my family apart

[claire m]

the last year has been difficult my anxiety has been intense and so has the depression. I am trying really really hard to just get on with my life and everyday im fighting how im feeling just to hold it together for my children who are 8 and 9.
All i really want to do is curl up in a ball and sleep until i feel strong again.
My moods are all over the place and the kids are picking up on this my eldest always says to me 'stop being so moody' and 'do you not love us anymore?'
I tell them all the time i love them so much and im sorry, I really am so so sorry boys:weep:.
I feel so selfish i have been up and down for years and the guilt i feel hurts so bad i feel that i should have never had children.:weep:.
Just how do i explain to my boys its not them its me in a way 8 and 9 year olds understand.

[carli]

Hi claire, i can relate to what your saying as im going through the samae thing right now myself. My son is 8. Its not easy and we can only try our best. I have found that if i go to bed about 10ish and get up at 7 and get in a routine it makes me feel a bit better, also going for a little walk in the day when my son is at school makes me feel more motivated and a bit happier. Dont beat ur self up about it hun as its not your fault and im sure ur boys know u love them. Try the things ive suggested hun as they make things feel a little better whilst you getting urself together. :hugs:

[Redrainbow]

Hi Claire,
I have three children and i know they pick up on my moods and being down all the time. My wife has explained to our three children that daddy's not very well at the minute. Our kids are 13, 10 and 6,. If you have got depression and anxiety your not going to be 100% and that's a fact. All i can do is tell you what i do, Just let them all know you love them very much, and do the best you can, no-one can expect anymore of you than that. Just do as i try to do, think tomorrow may be better than today. I hope you feel better tomorrow. Don't worry i know how hard it is to try and hold it altogether.

[claire m]

i have done some reading online about explaining to children why a parent is behaving in certain ways and how to express it to them in a way they will understand.
I am yet to talk to them about it as i want my husband there and i want to talk to him about what i have planned to say.

[catchthepigeon]

Im nasty all the time to my little sister who is the same age as your boy. I look after her full time as her dad is absent and our mum is very ill also with a deep depression and other things.

I always feel terrible about the way my moods ruin her childhood. My childhood was happy and her childhood is being spoilt by my problems. Your not alone in feeling guilty.