Andromeda
19-01-10, 21:01
Hello all ! I'm having a bit of a tough one today , not so much with the anxiety but my depression is creeping back in and i've been in a very reflective mood due to the fact that we had a little scare last night with one of our cats .
He was brought for me when i was younger as i was feeling very lonely and misunderstood , my mum thought it would do me some good to have someone i could 'talk to' cheesy as it sounds , a real friend that wouldn't judge me and would love me no questions asked .
It's hard to explain your love for animal to anyone who doesn't own any / never has had a pet but it's no different than loving a person .
My cat suddenly started breathing very rapidly and was not like himself at all , he wasn't moving and seemed like he was gasping for breath , to cut a long story short; the vet thinks he might have a heart murmur , he has given gizzmo some antibiotics and wants to see him again on thursday to check if the antibiotics have worked , if they haven't there is no cure for the heart condition and the likely outcome is that he will have to be put to sleep .
Obviously this is the worst case scenario and there is still hope , but it's been incredibly distressing for me as this cat has been my back bone for the past 10 years of my life .
He knows when somethings wrong and he hovers round when i'm upset .
anyway the point of me telling this story is that when he was a kitten he was the last surviving kitten of the litter , he was incredibly ill and spent most of his early weeks being kept from death . it was a miracle he survived and we waited for him , when the cat shelter had told us he was ill , they encouraged us to pick another kitten , but we refused , we believed that he would get better !
And he did ! For a cat that wasn't meant to live past a few weeks he's had a very spoilt and happy 10 years with a family that love him unconditionally .
The main problem i have with my anxiety is the fact that i OBSESS over the negative , 'what if' etc and sometimes it's important to remind yourself that there is goodness and hope in life .
and actually the good massively outweighs all the bad things .
As long as we don't give up believing in ourselves or believing in the good things life gives then we can overcome this little 'blip'
My train of thought would usually sound something like this
"my head hurts , i must have a brain tumor , i am going to die , theres no point in doing anything because i'm about to die"
when the irony is that this constant fear is preventing me from really living .
I think the attitude i'm going to have to force myself to adopt is SO WHAT if i die tomorrow , i KNOW in my heart that i would rather die having lived , than spend every waking moment trapped in my house , worrying about whats going to happen to me ! today has taught me this
i can't change whatever plan has been made for me in life , but what i can do is make sure that i'm living it to the full .
i don't mean to sound like a preacher , i'm just so sick and tired of being trapped by these stupid thoughts and fears , they have ruined my relationships and ruined everyday of my life since they started .
so from now on when i hear my brain going down the negative track i'm going to remind myself of all the good things in life .
true love , hope , faith , family , friendship , kindness , bravery , selflessness , honesty .
i know that it's not going to cure me right away at all , but i hope that i can remember this feeling i have now of 'fight' next time i get anxious
X
:flowers:
He was brought for me when i was younger as i was feeling very lonely and misunderstood , my mum thought it would do me some good to have someone i could 'talk to' cheesy as it sounds , a real friend that wouldn't judge me and would love me no questions asked .
It's hard to explain your love for animal to anyone who doesn't own any / never has had a pet but it's no different than loving a person .
My cat suddenly started breathing very rapidly and was not like himself at all , he wasn't moving and seemed like he was gasping for breath , to cut a long story short; the vet thinks he might have a heart murmur , he has given gizzmo some antibiotics and wants to see him again on thursday to check if the antibiotics have worked , if they haven't there is no cure for the heart condition and the likely outcome is that he will have to be put to sleep .
Obviously this is the worst case scenario and there is still hope , but it's been incredibly distressing for me as this cat has been my back bone for the past 10 years of my life .
He knows when somethings wrong and he hovers round when i'm upset .
anyway the point of me telling this story is that when he was a kitten he was the last surviving kitten of the litter , he was incredibly ill and spent most of his early weeks being kept from death . it was a miracle he survived and we waited for him , when the cat shelter had told us he was ill , they encouraged us to pick another kitten , but we refused , we believed that he would get better !
And he did ! For a cat that wasn't meant to live past a few weeks he's had a very spoilt and happy 10 years with a family that love him unconditionally .
The main problem i have with my anxiety is the fact that i OBSESS over the negative , 'what if' etc and sometimes it's important to remind yourself that there is goodness and hope in life .
and actually the good massively outweighs all the bad things .
As long as we don't give up believing in ourselves or believing in the good things life gives then we can overcome this little 'blip'
My train of thought would usually sound something like this
"my head hurts , i must have a brain tumor , i am going to die , theres no point in doing anything because i'm about to die"
when the irony is that this constant fear is preventing me from really living .
I think the attitude i'm going to have to force myself to adopt is SO WHAT if i die tomorrow , i KNOW in my heart that i would rather die having lived , than spend every waking moment trapped in my house , worrying about whats going to happen to me ! today has taught me this
i can't change whatever plan has been made for me in life , but what i can do is make sure that i'm living it to the full .
i don't mean to sound like a preacher , i'm just so sick and tired of being trapped by these stupid thoughts and fears , they have ruined my relationships and ruined everyday of my life since they started .
so from now on when i hear my brain going down the negative track i'm going to remind myself of all the good things in life .
true love , hope , faith , family , friendship , kindness , bravery , selflessness , honesty .
i know that it's not going to cure me right away at all , but i hope that i can remember this feeling i have now of 'fight' next time i get anxious
X
:flowers: