feel depressed after 1st councelling session

[mummygarcia]

it may be a coincidence but after my first session for health anxiety with a coucillour last saturday i seem to have slipped into this terrible black mood, and it just which just wont lift.
i felt kind of ok after the session, but then started to think about all the things that had been dragged up, many of them the root of my anxiety issues - i guess its good to face them head on and try and resolve them but i just feel this terrible sense of nothingness, that im just existing not living, that im a failure and i have nothing to look forward to
have had a scare with my early pregnancy and have found out all appears to be well via a scan - but even that hasnt cheered me up .. i just feel terrible
i just sit (and sleep) on the sofa with a duvet and get up to use the loo, its a real effort to actually get up and do anything - have tried to explain how i feel to my husband but he just doesnt understand (he is the cause of a lot of my anxiety problems)
in fact i keep looking at him and wondering if we actually have a future together anymore, dont know if these are true feelings of or part of the depression
i also feel as if the walls in my flat are closing in on me, i hate it - have never had issues with living here before but now feel i must get out and find somewhere else to live .. its a real oppressive feeling, really strange - i also feel this about strangers as if they're all bad and out to get me, even the mums at the school gate as if they're all bad and that i cant trust them - i know sounds bonkers, the i just have this awful overwhelming feeling of oppression
im wondering whether to cancel the next councelling session, doesnt seem to have done me any good!

[claire m]

hi, I certainly wouldnt cancel your next session instead try making notes of how you have felt since the last appointment and all the things you have written here as it will be something to work through with your therapist.
Its quite natural to feel down after counselling especially when talking about traumatic or difficult past issues.
Im sorry to hear you and your husband have not been getting on my husband is supportive about the way i am but he just has no concept of how i am truly feeling. I say some terrible things to him when i am really low but deep down he knows its my illness. for me its difficult to tell until my mood lifts.
Just take everyday as it comes xx
i wish i could listen to my own advice though:flowers:

[smudger]

Hi matey. I felt EXACTLY like you after my first, 2nd, 3rd n 4th session but believe me, it does get better. The idea of dragging up all negative stuff that you would really rather forget is SOOOOOOOOOOOO daunting. Its easy just to run away and not face them. I PROMISE you it will help eventually. The feelings about your husband, the house, strangers, friends SNAP! Im still suffering with these feelings and Ive been to counselling since before xmas. As I battle badly with these emotions, I'm not making any snap decisions about the rest of my life and the people in it because I worry my depression is making me feel 'untruths' if you get what I mean. My husband was away for 6 days recently and I was as much depressed without him as with him. So glad I didn't walk out during the many times recently I felt like doing it. Keep in touch, you are not alone, we are here to help you coz we understand, we really do.....:hugs:

[mummygarcia]

thank you for your replies .. nice to know people understand, makes me feel more human!
smudger
i have really struggled with the negative feelings about my husband, the flat, friends etc .. it is such a bizarre feeling, as if they are a really threat to me - makes me feel so alone.
i keep trying to think of things to do to try and cheer myself up, but there just seems nothing out there that can take me out of this opressive black mood

[smudger]

I just read your introduction to find out more about you. I feel like you are me.Im 41 with a 9 year old daughter from IVF. I too have lost a baby, my daughters twin while I was pregnant at 17 1/2 weeks. In August last year my husband broke his back in a quad bike accident, he could have been killed! Funny things is, every time things like this have happened my depression seems to take a backseat. I cope so well! I put on a brave face. Its only during CBT counselling that Ive learned that I'm not inpenetrable ...somethings gotta give. In my case I neglect myself when other things seem to take priority. I don't eat properly, don't exercise, forget to have fun. I forget all those things that make me who I am! Daft isnt it? Can you remember the things that made you smile, long walks in a forest, the seaside, sitting and eating a toffee apple at the fair? We have an illness 'at the moment' and we all need to find our own way out of this...mine is healthy diet and exercise and CBT counselling for now, the medication has its place too.Im glad to say it starting to work. I honestly didnt think it would at the start! My counsellor said to me if you want it then you will succeed but changes need to be made. For me it's baby steps, one thing at a time. Maybe set yourself a small goal for now. The mountain may seem insurmountable but you can do it! I wish you all the bestxx:hugs

[STEPHYUNO]

Hi there, hope youre feeling strong today, I think if you are like me the combination of feeling abit stigmatised by counciling and the things that were coming up made it even worse at first, but the phrase two steps back and three forward comes to mind as this is neccessary for things to imoprove and they will, beleive me.
You are stronger than you know and your purpose will become clearer and clearer as your mood becomes brighter and brighter, Stephen x

[mummygarcia]

thanks guys for taking the time and effort to reply to my post
im not having a good day today, getting low back pain and cramps so thinking another miscarriage is more than likely on the cards
still stuck to my sofa, still feeling so down with everything .. been crying on and off all day
baby steps it shall have to be, and i know i have to carry on with the councelling - but i feel so overwhelmed at the moment, have now lost my apetite which is saying something for me
glad i found this site to let off steam every now and again, what a cruel cruel illness depression and anxiety is
thanks again x

[smudger]

It seems to isolate, envelope and consume us doesn't it. Its the thing in my life I really truly HATE! Keep posting if you need to talk...xx:hugs: