Constantly feel guilty.

[eleanor_rigby]

I'm not sure where this goes so i thought i'd put it here. I feel constantly guilty about everything in my life and it causes such horrible anxiety feelings which I don't seem to have any control over. I feel like everything I do doesn't live up to the standards I set myself, standards my parents set me and standards of society. If I ever have sex with anyone I feel like a wh**e and guilty for weeks. i feel guilty over anyone I have ever slept with and ashamed of myself and afterwards I feel so bad like I deserve to have caught HIV for being so stupid. I haven't had sex with anyone in a year and don't think i will be able to for a long time to come. I want to be able to just not care and be like this is my life and what i do is what i do but i just can't. I feel like no one will ever love me because I'm not good enough and I will feel below them. I know logically I shouldn't feel guilty about everything in my life but try telling that to my anxiety which seems to have a life of it's own. I wish I could stop feeling not good enough and like everything in my life is awful. I constantly feel like i'm about to 'fight or flight' inside my body which is horriblee! sorry for the vent

[smudger]

Hi, you sound like you have real low self esteem.Too hard on yourself. Have u tried CBT. Ask your doc about it.:)

[eleanor_rigby]

I don't think I have low self-esteem, like I don't think I'm ugly. But can you have low self-esteem about issues besides your looks? I had never considered this before that's given me something to think about. I do feel like I am am hard on myself. I don't tell anyone my feelings and I don't see a counsellor. All my opinions about myself and the things I have done in my past are opinions I kind of subconsciously believe other people would have about me too if i 'let everything out'. So I'm hard on myself because they can't be because they don't know. But realistically I know my parents would love me no matter what, but I still can't shake the feelings that I have let them down and have failed to upkeep the standards I would want for myself. I hate feeling like I've lost control. I have tried CBT briefly but being a student, didn't have that much time to dedicate to it, so pulled out. It kind of freaked me out doing it too, like trying to work out if I actually have a problem. Like I think I have a problem with anxiety but it's weird to hear other people think it if that makes sense. Makes it more real.