feege
22-12-05, 17:34
This afternoon I had some very bad news. My daughter in law who has been in remission from lymphoma for a year had a bone marrow biopsy yesterday and the results today were worse than we could have expected. The cancer is back quite badly. They are taking her in on Weds for chemo, 2 rounds and then, if her sister is a perfect match, for a bone marrow transplant. It is a very severe lymphoma and her chances of survival are slim.
I have been holding it together over the last year just about, suffering panic attacks, bouts of depression and general anxiety but I just don't know where I am going to get the resources to deal with this. So far, since my son told me this afternoon (in tears) I have held it together. I talked to him as he drove home from north to south london so he didn't wreck the car. Then I unpacked my food shopping which I had done at lunchtime thankfully. Then a friend came round and we walked round to my mum's and told her and let her cry and made sure she was ok. She's 84 and has some breathing difficulties so I am a bit worried about her.
Now I am home alone in Brighton, 50 miles from my son. I feel so so awful, disassociated, chest pains, dizzy etc etc.
I can't believe this is happening, they are such a fantastic couple. She got sick just after they got engaged and organised their wedding last year (she found out in one day - on my son's birthday last May).
She was amazing - so positive and went through 6 months of chemo, lost her hair etc but against all the odds she survived (they only gave her a 15% chance of survival then). So they have had a 'borrowed' year in which they got married, went to Jamaica, saw the pyramids, my son qualified, she trained as a life coach - working specifically with young women who self-harm, made a beautiful home. They are both so loved and cherished by so many people, they have both been teachers, my son is also an actor/poet, putting out positivity to everyone.
I just can't bear to see them go through this again. I can't see how we will get through xmas. I keep looking at all the people stressing about buying pressies, cooking food - it all seems mad and yet that is how I have been feeling.
I feel so desperately alone and frightened. I don't feel like my heart can take the pain. I have bad palps and my stomach is all over the place. I know I need to eat but cant. Its one of my best friend's 50th birthday and I am going to try and get over there at least to give her her card and pressie.
I know no-one can help but any positive ideas for things I can do to get through this - or just positive vibes would be gratefully accepted.
It's helping just to ramble on a bit. I'm feeling so lucky to have friends at the moment - another friend is coming round to make me eat (she just phoned!) and take me to the do. But my heart keeps flip flopping all over the place. I have taken rescue remedy - is there anything else I can do????
Love to all of you xxxxxxxxxxx
fee
xx
I have been holding it together over the last year just about, suffering panic attacks, bouts of depression and general anxiety but I just don't know where I am going to get the resources to deal with this. So far, since my son told me this afternoon (in tears) I have held it together. I talked to him as he drove home from north to south london so he didn't wreck the car. Then I unpacked my food shopping which I had done at lunchtime thankfully. Then a friend came round and we walked round to my mum's and told her and let her cry and made sure she was ok. She's 84 and has some breathing difficulties so I am a bit worried about her.
Now I am home alone in Brighton, 50 miles from my son. I feel so so awful, disassociated, chest pains, dizzy etc etc.
I can't believe this is happening, they are such a fantastic couple. She got sick just after they got engaged and organised their wedding last year (she found out in one day - on my son's birthday last May).
She was amazing - so positive and went through 6 months of chemo, lost her hair etc but against all the odds she survived (they only gave her a 15% chance of survival then). So they have had a 'borrowed' year in which they got married, went to Jamaica, saw the pyramids, my son qualified, she trained as a life coach - working specifically with young women who self-harm, made a beautiful home. They are both so loved and cherished by so many people, they have both been teachers, my son is also an actor/poet, putting out positivity to everyone.
I just can't bear to see them go through this again. I can't see how we will get through xmas. I keep looking at all the people stressing about buying pressies, cooking food - it all seems mad and yet that is how I have been feeling.
I feel so desperately alone and frightened. I don't feel like my heart can take the pain. I have bad palps and my stomach is all over the place. I know I need to eat but cant. Its one of my best friend's 50th birthday and I am going to try and get over there at least to give her her card and pressie.
I know no-one can help but any positive ideas for things I can do to get through this - or just positive vibes would be gratefully accepted.
It's helping just to ramble on a bit. I'm feeling so lucky to have friends at the moment - another friend is coming round to make me eat (she just phoned!) and take me to the do. But my heart keeps flip flopping all over the place. I have taken rescue remedy - is there anything else I can do????
Love to all of you xxxxxxxxxxx
fee
xx