Andromeda
21-01-10, 02:01
hi everyone ! :weep:
here i am again , giving in to my worries !
i've managed to leave my house today and go back to my student accomm for tonight (which i can tell you has really taken it's toll on my emotions)
being away from my family and the comfort of being constantly surrounded for almost 2 weeks is awful .
BUT i've done it . AND i went out to a bar tonight with some of my uni friends . okay it was absolute hell , and i spent the whole time checking my pulse and second guessing every feeling in my body , felt like i was going to pass out umpteen times BUT AGAIN i did it .
considering last week i couldn't leave the house i'm going to try and focus on the fact that this is a step in the right direction.
Now to the aftermath , i'm here in my room alone with my thoughts and unable to control them !
i can't shake this brain tumor scare ! or i feel like i'm building up to a seizure ???!?!??!!?
my right eye just doesn't feel normal , there is constant pressure in the right side of my head and my right ear feels like not blocked as such but more like a pressure too , my legs feel so week
and when i'm sitting down or standing or even lying down i get this horrible sensation that i'm either falling forwards or sometimes backwards !
i keep checking my pupils to see if they are okay , i'm obsessed :weep:
THIS CONSTANT DIZZINESS AND DEREALIZATION IS RUINING MY LIFE
someone help me reason before i drive myself crazy !
ALSO , if i was seriously ill , my symptoms wouldn't come and go would they ? if you were seriously ill you would be ill fullstop , and you would get progressively worse ?
URGH why me :weep:
here i am again , giving in to my worries !
i've managed to leave my house today and go back to my student accomm for tonight (which i can tell you has really taken it's toll on my emotions)
being away from my family and the comfort of being constantly surrounded for almost 2 weeks is awful .
BUT i've done it . AND i went out to a bar tonight with some of my uni friends . okay it was absolute hell , and i spent the whole time checking my pulse and second guessing every feeling in my body , felt like i was going to pass out umpteen times BUT AGAIN i did it .
considering last week i couldn't leave the house i'm going to try and focus on the fact that this is a step in the right direction.
Now to the aftermath , i'm here in my room alone with my thoughts and unable to control them !
i can't shake this brain tumor scare ! or i feel like i'm building up to a seizure ???!?!??!!?
my right eye just doesn't feel normal , there is constant pressure in the right side of my head and my right ear feels like not blocked as such but more like a pressure too , my legs feel so week
and when i'm sitting down or standing or even lying down i get this horrible sensation that i'm either falling forwards or sometimes backwards !
i keep checking my pupils to see if they are okay , i'm obsessed :weep:
THIS CONSTANT DIZZINESS AND DEREALIZATION IS RUINING MY LIFE
someone help me reason before i drive myself crazy !
ALSO , if i was seriously ill , my symptoms wouldn't come and go would they ? if you were seriously ill you would be ill fullstop , and you would get progressively worse ?
URGH why me :weep: