new to this and in a bad way!

[freakedout]

Hi everyone, or anyone!

I am new to this site and am looking for support, advice and inspiration from people with similar problems to me who understand!! I do not wish to bore you but am currently off work sick due to panic disorder and avoidance of many situations ?agoraphobia. Diagnosed depression, taking medication, not officially diagnosed agoraphobic but reading about it reminds me of me. I have been having CBT and not much improvement. My biggest biggest worry is work - I feel totally unable to ever contemplate the idea of returning and wondered if anyone has retired through ill-health grounds with this type of problem??? I am 36 years old, a mother of four children, married and feeling pretty much at the end of the road.

Freakedout X

[Trev]

Hi,

is it the nature of your current work that causes you concern? Rather than stopping completely could you change direction into something you would enjoy more?

Cheers,
Trev

[clickaway]

Hi and welcome!!

I have had panics in the past, but in more recent years anxiety - I did have brief periods of agoraphobia at my lowest ebb, but got over that before the rot set in.

I'm 51 and left work effectively 2 years ago (although one year of that was sick leave). They decided to make my job redundant, but also was able to get an early pension, so have no knowledge of state benefits and the like.

It has taken me a long time to get back to deal with even 3 hours a week voluntary job. But I know I could do a second afternoon for them, so may consider this.

I hope you find this site useful (I'm convinced it will really help you loads) and feel free to ask me any specifics.

Take Care,

Ray

And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.
~Mark Sanders and Tia Sillers

[jill]

Hi :D

WELCOME TO THE SITE

There are lots of nice people here who will help and support
you.

TAKE CARE

LOVE JILLXX

When you fear something,
learn as much about it as you can.
Knowledge conquers fear.

[Pennie]

Hi

Welcome to the site, there's lots of great support here.

Pennie

Fear is static that prevents me from hearing myself. ~Samuel Butler

[Meg]

Hiya

It seems that you may be looking too far ahead right now.

Try to improve your daily situation and how you feel and cope with activities of daily life and one day you will feel well enough to try some volunteering stuff which then can lead you back into wanting to go back to some paid work

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/symptoms.htm

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

Volunteering ... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3767)
Volunteer Work! Update (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6479)


Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[freakedout]

Thankyou everyone, for your replies, I am pleased to get such a quick response. I studied hard for my qualification and it is a job that I have wanted for a long time so it is not actually that that causes me the concerns, my anxieties involve being in places where my escape would not be easy and the majority of my time at work involves being with groups of people, clients colleagues, other agencies etc and many meetings, courses etc. I could not even manage to stay in the office which I shared with others. Since going off work sick I have become quite isolated at home and sometimes unable to go out of my front door, or my back door into the garden. On good days I can do a bit of shopping with a companion but then I am racked with guilt for being so pathetic that I cannot manage work.

I know I am negative but I have had anxiety and panic for over 10 years and instead of coping with things better I am getting worse. It is a vicious circle of either being an agitated, anxious, pacing, trembling, wreck or a depressed, miserable, moaning, self-loathing blob!!

Thanks anyway folks, maybe next time I post there will be a glimmer of a smile on my face.

[chucklehound]

Hi Freakedout and welcome to NMP where you will get lots of support and make some great friends too! :D

Take Care

Chucklehound

xxxx

[dream]

hi freakeout
welcome to this site
take care denisexx

denise

[Trev]

It's great that you love your job as it makes recovery a bit simpler! There's no need to give it up. You can recover and get back there. :D

You can overcome the other stuff. I went from being somebody who spent years travelling around the world for fun, setting up my own business about 10 years ago to someone who, a year ago, was scared to leave the house and go around to the corner shop for a stamp. I stopped work for a while and became housebound for a bit. It all hit me quite suddenly. At the time I didn't know what the hell it was. I now feel ok. I've just got back from a ski trip in France and had a great time. If I can do it then so can you. :D


<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">I know I am negative but I have had anxiety and panic for over 10 years and instead of coping with things better I am getting worse. It is a vicious circle of either being an agitated, anxious, pacing, trembling, wreck or a depressed, miserable, moaning, self-loathing blob!!</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">
Correct. Vicious negative circles get you nowhere apart from feeling worse. You have to TRY and break the circle somewhere and stick in a positive replacement.
This will slowly start to increase your eroded confidence levels.
Create positve spirals by setting yourself little specific goals. Each time you reach your goal then treat yourself and then set the next goal.
Accept there will be setbacks now. You may feel ok one day then 10 times worse the next but just try and flow with it. Take it easy on the bad days AND DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP! I know it's easy to say and hard to do, but it gets you nowhere and is untrue.

All of this can tie in with self esteem issues but I think I've rabitted enough for now!

Take care and I hope you have a good xmas.

Cheers,
Trev

[Piglet]

Top post Trev :D

Freakout,

I hope you can see from the replies and all the information on the site that there is most definately light at the end of the tunnel!!

Have you read any of the Claire Weekes books - well worth a look and can be got off Amazon.

A big welcome to the site and just to say I am dealing with agoraphobia too so I know where you are coming from.

Love Piglet xx

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[sueiamnew]

Hi and Welcome to the site.

[freakedout]

Thanx for your support everyone, especially Trev - you seem to be so together and have offered some constructive advice. I am waiting to see how my mood changes over the next couple of weeks with my change in medication and hopefully I will then be a little less negative. I know that I should put any thoughts and worries of work on the back-burner for now but it is so difficult. I do not forsee myself going back to my current job ever, but while off sick and still employed it hangs over me like a big black cloud.

I have considered resigning but have been discouraged by my CBT therapist who advises that I get advice from a union. It is all good and well for her to suggest that but it means explaining my 'pathetic' situation to someone else.

I secretly die of embarrassment when I have to do this and I feel like I need to justify why I am unfit for work. A broken leg would be so much more straight forward wouln't it?

Oh sorry, I am rambling on in a disjointed fashion and probably not making much sense!

Thanks anyway for your warm welcomes to the site and your words of wisdom,

[nomorepanic]

Welcome aboard freakedout

One thing you may like to consider is the "No Panic" telephone recovery course that can be done from home and just involves a phone call once a week.

Could you work from home atall or is a job that doesn't warrant that?

I hope you get some support on here and things improve for you soon.

Nicola

[freakedout]

Hi Nicola,

Yes I have often thought the answer would be to work from home, I am a H V and so I have to deal with patients/clients and am required to keep strict and confidential records. I do not think that this would a viable option due to the confidentiality issue. I would still also be required to work with groups and attend the meetings and courses relevant for my work which are my worst scenarios for feeling 'trapped'. I spend a lot of time at my base making phonecalls, referalls admin stuff ect..

I just don't know what to do at this stage. My half pay runs out in April and I suppose that is when judgement day arrises. Will just have to keep taking the tablets. The 'no panic' recovery course sounds interesting and probably worth my while looking into.

Thanks for your support

[nomorepanic]

Louisa

Ahh ok I see that the job would be hard to do from home.

It may be worthwhile looking at the "No Panic" course. It costs £10 a year to join and the course is free. Their website is www.nopanic.org.uk if you are interested.

I used to be really really bad in meetings and they had to leave the door open for me and I had to sit near the door so I could get out if I needed to.

I found that sipping water or sucking on mints helped and I always took a notebook and pen so I could keep busy by writing notes to distract myself.

April is still a long time off and if you start making small steps now you may find that you are well enough to go back by then.

Would they let you go back part-time to start with?

Nicola

[Tomimo]

Welcome to the site. Sorry to hear you are feeling so down right now.


I have only just found this site but am already relieved that I am not alone in feeling like this and am not going mad.

I hope you find it helpful too.

Annie x

[freakedout]

hi nicola,

The very thought of work brings that lump to my throat. I actually am employed part time and work three days. My manager has written to me to try to organise a meeting so that we can discuss my return to work. There is a return to work programme available with the intention of gradually re-introducing me to work, implementing occupational health recommendations and addressing my needs.

I received the letter from my manager in November and have not responded to it. She offered to see me at home if I prefer. To be honest I just feel too anxious to make any kind of plans because realistically I feel that the best I could do is to think about voluntary work, i am not sure what kind or where or when, but I feel adamant that I will never be able to do my job again.

I cannot do it, with the best will in the world, I just cannot do it. I need to focus on getting through life on a day-to-day basis at the moment. I am anxious of what my work situation is and my impending loss of job, be that retirement (which I doubt), resigning or being fired, but return to work does not, in my mind, seem a viable option. I cannot even bring myself to arrange the meeting with my manager - this causes further stress. She does not know my situation really, my GP has put "stress disorder" on all of my sicknotes, I expect my boss thinks I am just "winging it" and will return to work when my pay stops. That is SOOOOO not the case.

I studied hard to do my job and university was challenging for me with my anxiety, panic and avoidance because I HAD to be in some of my most dreaded situations to complete the course. I feel that it has all been a waste of my time. I feel sad about it all and wonder what quality of life my future holds. I feel like a failure.

Sorry to go on and on. I must concentrate on today and getting through tomorrow. I just really wondered whether my problems are considered to be sufficient to mean that I cannot ever do my job again or am I doing my usual "get everything out of perspective" thing?

Thanks for being there for me, I am still open to any suggestions and do not mean to be so negative - it is just me! (well the part of me that I really despise!)

[superfran23]

Hi there, i am so sorry to see that you are feeling so low at the moment.

first of all you have found this amazing site that WILL help you, there are so lovely people on this site that have experienced so much that they can offer support for even the smallest issue you may have.

secondly your job, do you actually enjoy it? can you remember back to the days that you got your qualification and the day you put on that uniform and realised YOU made a difference to someones life. maybe that could form some kind of mantra whilst tackling issues at work.
just an idea to put something positive into your mind whilst everything feels abit blurry.

take care,
xxx

[rap]

I am to, have to start somewhere,It might as well be here.

[Meg]

Rap- welcome and feel free to start your own thread in introductions to tell us about yourself.

Louisa -

*but I feel adamant that I will never be able to do my job again.

I cannot do it, with the best will in the world, I just cannot do it.*

This may be the case now and you are still too acute to even be considering going back and whilst your sick notes are going in regularly and for the same lengths of time, your manager should not be even approaching you to discuss returning to work. She may however ask for permission to write to your doctor to get a prognosis.

Do not resign, there are a whole host of options apart form this. If you resign you are entitled to absolutely Nothing whereas anything else is better.

You are not a failure - you are acute and you can get through this so just keep an open mind about the future. Many of us have been in despair that we would never improve and then do improve and get back to who we were pre panic.





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[Karen]

Hi Louisa

I agree with Meg that your manager should not be contacting you regarding returning to work all the time you are being signed off by your doctor. Employers often try to push the employees to return but you do not have to put up with being harassed at home.

You could write to your manager and explain that you are not ready for a return to work meeting and are still under the care of your doctor and sending in regular sick notes.

If you were to resign you would not get any financial help with benefits, whereas currently the ball is in the court of your employers. Even if the worst came to the worst and they dismiss you on health grounds, you could then claim benefits to help you manage financially. There are very strict guidelines about ill health and dismissal.

I was in a similar situation a few years ago when off sick with repetitive strain injury. My employers went through the routine of threats of being sacked and I felt pressured to leave. However, in the end they made me redundant instead in order to avoid a possible unfair dismissal claim.

The fact that you are not able to work at present doesn't mean that you will never be able to go back to your job, or to work that you choose, and it doesn't make you a failure. Concentrate on doing what you can to help with recovery for now. You can get there.

Karen



It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.

[pfidelus]

Have you tried acupunture? After few sesions you will see differenece. It worked for me.

[freakedout]

Hi thanks pfidelus,

I have never ever thought of acupuncture, thanks for that, I will look into it.

[fisher]

hi my names joanne i am new to this site aswell, i suffered anxiety 3yrs ago really bad thought i was going mad you just want it to stop, i didnt want to go back to work but i did i just had anxiety in work, i went to see a homeopathic and had a consultation, he put me on these christals called aconite, and whether its mind over matter but they do seem to relax me, i dont believe in medication, but i know people do need them, i really wish there was another way doctors could help instead they give you medication and think the problem will go away, you have got to think positive more instead of all the negative thoughts x

[stuff]

hi everyone
feeling low pressure at home kids drive me mad husband has no time wat can i do?

[karen1872]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">Thankyou everyone, for your replies, I am pleased to get such a quick response. I studied hard for my qualification and it is a job that I have wanted for a long time so it is not actually that that causes me the concerns, my anxieties involve being in places where my escape would not be easy and the majority of my time at work involves being with groups of people, clients colleagues, other agencies etc and many meetings, courses etc. I could not even manage to stay in the office which I shared with others. Since going off work sick I have become quite isolated at home and sometimes unable to go out of my front door, or my back door into the garden. On good days I can do a bit of shopping with a companion but then I am racked with guilt for being so pathetic that I cannot manage work.

I know I am negative but I have had anxiety and panic for over 10 years and instead of coping with things better I am getting worse. It is a vicious circle of either being an agitated, anxious, pacing, trembling, wreck or a depressed, miserable, moaning, self-loathing blob!!

Thanks anyway folks, maybe next time I post there will be a glimmer of a smile on my face.

<div align="right">Originally posted by freakedout - 22 December 2005 : 23:41:30</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">Hi freakout,,, try giving some U time to U, sometimes were workers, parents, husbands/wives, but were never ourselves, and life has a strange way of making us stop and take stock of our lives by hitting us with conditions/sympytoms that stop us in our tracks,, i wouldnt wory about the smile that will come soon enuf, i have found through my own suffering that by writing about all the things that i hated or upset me most in the world, even about myself really helped, especially when there was no one about i could trust to talk too. reading it back made me cry, which for me was a good thing, because my coping mechanism was to internalise everything, and think i was strong, and could carry the world on my shoulders,, i didnt realise that they were crumbling, and wasnt ready for it when it did,,, try wat i suggest, then be sure to destroy it, if u dont want anyone to read ur thoughts

take care

thinking of u
love
karen
x

karen farrell

[lilmoma]

HI. I NO WHAT YOU GOING THROUGH..I LOST MY JOB BECAUSE OF MY PANIC ATTACK 2 YEARS AGO..I WAS HAVING THEM EVERYDAY ALL DAY IT WAS SO BAD..I HAD TO DRIVE 35 MIN AWAY AND IT WAS REALLY HARD.AT THE TIME I DIDNT NO WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME NEITHER THE DOCTOR....SO IT WAS A WHILE BEFORE THEY DIGN ME..I GO TO COUNCLEING EVERY MONTH AND DOCTOR...I HAVE BEEN ON EVERY MEDICINE IT IS AND IT SEEMS NOT TO WORK..BUT MADE ME WORSER..SO I STOPPED TAKEING MINE BOUT 6 MONTHS NOW..TRYIN TO DEAL WITH DEM IS VERY HARD IM STILL TRYING TO GET OVER THE ONE I HAD YESTERDAY AND THE DAY BEFORE//BUT I NOW RECIEVE DISABILTY FOR MY ILLNESS THANK GOD FOR THAT..NOT MUCH BUT IT HELP///YOU SHOULD TRY FOR DAT..WELL IM HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS..MAYBE WE CAN HELP EACH OTHER.BUT IT IS A MINE THANG WE GOT TO REPROGRAM OUR BRAIN WHICH IS GONNA BE HARD.BUT WE CAN DO WITH EACH OTHER HELP..