Please read,

[Redrainbow]

I just want to say thankyou everyone for helping me yesterday, Matt, Claire, Gypsywomen, Rozie and all the others who left me a post or pm'ed me, you helped me through the day a lot, and i really mean that. Yesterday was nearly the worst i had with this illness, yes i was going off my head with it, the thoughts! The terrible thoughts of lonliness and scary thoughts too, would not leave my head no matter how hard i tried, they just kept returning. I felt so awful late on, because i'm sharing my problems with you, and i know most of you are suffering the same as me. I'm not great today but i'm certainly better than yesterday, and that's good.
Everyone tells you to try and be positive with this illness and i find that nigh on impossible sometimes, even though i know it's good advice.

[bellalew]

hi there redrainbow,im so glad your feeling bit better, those awfull thoughts are mind shattering,not harmfull but scary all the same,im plagued with them most days,iv had anxiety+panic attacks for 30yrs so you would think they wouldnt bother me any more,being positive is as you say,out of the question, when we feel that bad, and if we fight or not, your left drained all the same.i have family around me but still feel so lonely and scared with bad thoughts battering my head,they do wear off love and i hope thats real soon for you.ELLEN.xxx:)

[claire m]

sometimes just having some response from someone to say they can understand some of the inner turmoil helps.
No one just no one knows how i really feel i dont think i even do. but writing it down is like saying out aloud sometimesx.
claire:flowers:

[Redrainbow]

I know, it's just so hard sometimes isn't it. Not being able to control your own thoughts and mind. In the past i had heard about depression but never thought anything of it. Now i have it, well, it's just a battle isn't it. I now just feel sorry for anyone who has had it for any amount of time, of has got it for the first time like me.

I never knew people really existed in this state of termoil, or could do. I'm fairly certain of one thing. if i come through this it will make me a better person because it has so opened my eyes to what others are going through, but being honest ,,,,, god i wish i wasn't going through it.

[Redrainbow]

Well, I have nearly reached the end of today, yes that's how i view it now, but today i have been better than yesterday, that's for sure. I have been talking to people on here today and that has helped a lot. Plus all the support, some of my new friends on here has given me has been great. Now i don't know what tomorrow will be like, you never do with this illness do you? But if it's like today then i think i can manage it, maybe. One thing i'm learning is you must talk to people, don't let the feelings bottle up inside, because that is what i have been doing, for how long i don't know. And look where it's got me. I'm still so unsure but today i have coped,
Thankyou my friends.

[rozie]

Very glad to hear how your day has gone and always happy to talk.

Rozie

[Redrainbow]

Thanks Rozie,
Well i'm off beddy byes soon, once i take my sleeping tab that the doctor gave me there is no return for a few hours, at least. Well i'm wondering what state of mind and emotion the depression will have me in tomorrow. Yes it's a roller coaster of a ride alright, but today the dips were bareable at times, You know that point where your mind keeps throwing in nasty thoughts one after another non stop, dragging you into deeper more horrid thoughts and so on and so on. But maybe, just maybe i might get two almost bareable days in a row, that would be nice. But who knows. But one things hopefully for sure (God willing) i will be back on here discussing it with my new friends, my only friends tomorrow.
Never would have thought i would end up this way, never saw this one coming, just shows life's full of suprises, but to end on a good note, i would never have met any of you if it hadn't been for this illness, but i still hate this depression and anxiety for how it has made me feel, and the effects on those around me. Night people.

[Alicat]

How are you doing today?

I'm glad you have been coming on here and talking. The support on here is great :hugs:

[claire m]

hi wayne did you manage any sleep with your pills?

[Redrainbow]

Hi people,
Yes not a bad nights sleep last night, not to bad at all, 5 or 6 hours again. The thoughts are with me again today on and off, but i'm managing so far, it's when they won't budge the problems begin. We took some photos today, me my wife and children. i'm thinking of starting on facebook, i have been on friends reunited a while. I have to start rebuilding my social life at sometime. I'm finding it helpfull on here and i don't feel so all alone. Most days i have posts of my new friends on here. That bad day i had a few days back i don't ever want again, it was hell. I know i'm going to have more bad days but, but i don't know. Cross that awful bridge when i come to it again. Oh i don't know but i'm glad i have you all my friends to help me through,
Best Regards Wayne, redrainbow.