Really struggling right now....

[fazman3000]

First I apologize for not being on here much recently, I'm starting to turn into one of those people who only come on here when they're actually facing problems instead of coming back to help others when they're on a high. So I'm sorry for that.

I haven't had a full on panic attack for over a month now and I am so grateful for that. In fact for that time I've been a lot better.

Suddenly I seem to be back in the anxiety loop. I can't pinpoint how it came a around again though. I had one slightly anxious day, then the next day I woke up late and felt really rough, extremely sensitive to light, wary of other people, didn't want to leave the house etc. I've been like this every day since now and that was a week ago.

I feel so down every day, whilst I'm not panicking I just feel so low and unenergetic but I can't relax. I keep getting hit with intense fear and start worrying about...... nothing! I don't get it.

I feel like I'm in a goldfish bowl with tunnel vision. Everything looks so dark but the lights are blinding. I oversleep every night. I'm literally sleeping for 12 hours minimum and waking up feeling like shit. I understanding that I'm dreaming ten-fold because of the worrying and that's why I'm oversleeping but I could really do without it.

I've been out of work for 4 months now which doesn't help. I have work coming up soon so I'm not worried not having work. It's just waking up and having no reason to be awake. I'm a musician so if I'm not out working then I'm indoors all day writing music.

I don't know what I'm asking for here. Just scrounging for nice words and some help really.

Cheers. :weep:

[BexieB]

Hi Fazman

Firstly there is no shame in not visiting the site when you're well. I don't like to be reminded of anx/depression when i'm well, in case it pulls me down again. I find there is a real cyclical nature to anx, you can go for months in a healthy frame of mind and then BAMM. Once the anx takes hold it's all about managing it. My councillor likened it to a kettle. A cold kettle - no problem. Anx rises, the water starts to heat up and can reach boiling point. Once the water has heated up it doesn't take much to take it to the boil.

I would try and get in a bit of exercise, fresh air, put your sunglasses on to deal with the light. Sounds like your serotonin/melatonin levels are out of whack. Daylight could help with that, or a lightbox. Are u on any meds?

Really hope you feel well soon
Love and Hugs
Bexie

[fazman3000]

Thanks Bexie,

I'm managing the anxiety side reasonably well, I mean, I'm still getting on with life going out in the afternoon to carry out whatever tasks. Went out for a drink earlier with a friend and made myself stay until he wanted to leave instead of asking to leave early.

Yea I should get back into exercising really, I found playing the flute has helped. Not really exercise but it focuses my breathing and calms me down if i do get over anxious/panicky but I could hardly walk around with a flute in my hands all day :whistles:. I was exercising reguarly after my first panic attack and it actually brought on attacks afterwards so I stopped, I should probably start again now as Im a lot calmer these days.

No I've never been on any meds but I used to take drugs. I had some coke at a party the other week and that did leave me very anxious for few days, maybe that has upset my serotonin levels. I expected to affect me for a while.

I know its only a passing thing, but it really is upsetting me. My best friend mentioned that he had noticed this changing in me too which worries me as when I explain to people how I get they normally look really surprised because they think I'm a very confident person.

Thanks for your help :) x

[BexieB]

Hi Fazman

I think you've answered your own question. You really never know what your getting with street drugs. Well done for the 'feel the fear and do it anyway' attitude, that will get you a very long way as you keep occupied. It does sound like a passing phase and i know how awful it feels, especially when you've been well for a while, but you're pushing on through which is great. However as you do have a tendency toward anx i really would give the street drugs a miss, i'd even think twice about alcohol. Coke certainly causes serotonin problems. Have a look at your diet as well, sugar, caffiene etc can all be culprits.

The exercise doesn't have to be full on cardio, which can bring on PAs, yoga, pilates, walking can be just as effective for anx.

This too will pass.....i'm trying to live by that mantra myself these days

Love and Hugs
Bexie