lotus
23-12-05, 16:48
I'm sorry to go on and on with this, but I just can't get over those symptoms. :(
My breathing is irregular, there is no pattern or rhythm whatsoever in the way that I breathe. I feel smothered most of the time, like I just can't breathe right. I also feel like I'm breathing very slowly, my heartbeat is also very slow and I'm afraid that I will stop breathing and die. Sometimes I realise that I'm breathing, but I feel like I'm not. I constantly worry that I might have done serious damage to my heart and to my respiratory system. Not to mention the constant breathing awareness, noticing every breath I take ... it's exhausting. I think that's already turned into an obsessive compulsive thing. It's so hard for me to stop realizing that I'm breathing and to stop trying to consciously control it. I worry that I will never be able to stop, that I will be aware of my breathing forever.
And I also have this weird sensation - it's as if the air hits my throat right away, without passing through my nose. It's as if I have been intubated and the air directly enters my trachea. The air feels so weird and unnatural in my throat. Why could that be happening? It seriously affects the way I talk, also eating and drinking. When I go to bed I'm afraid to fall asleep because I think that I will stop breathing. Sometimes, usually shortly after I have managed to finally fall asleep, I wake up with the sensation that my heart has stopped and I have to struggle to breathe. And also when fully awake, every now and then I have these sensations of my heart stopping for a couple of seconds. Kind of like skipped beats, but not quite. My mouth feels weird, and so does my throat ... I have this weird feeling that I might choke on my tongue, I don't know why but it just feels strange in my mouth. I clench my jaws a lot, so they also feel weird. Sometimes I get this clicking sound when I swallow ... and I'm always afraid that I will not be able to swallow and choke.
The breathing/swallowing/mouth-throat-trachea thing makes kissing my boyfriend a torture. I'm afraid to kiss him for fears of being unable to breathe and swallow right. Now how crazy is that! Not to mention the dry mouth thing ...
Everything that was once normal and natural is now weird and stressing.
It's Christmas time ... I wish I could feel normal at least now :( Instead I walk around the house dizzy, spaced out, struggling to breathe and with a mind full of irrational thoughts. Couldn't even go out and shop. I hate this!
My breathing is irregular, there is no pattern or rhythm whatsoever in the way that I breathe. I feel smothered most of the time, like I just can't breathe right. I also feel like I'm breathing very slowly, my heartbeat is also very slow and I'm afraid that I will stop breathing and die. Sometimes I realise that I'm breathing, but I feel like I'm not. I constantly worry that I might have done serious damage to my heart and to my respiratory system. Not to mention the constant breathing awareness, noticing every breath I take ... it's exhausting. I think that's already turned into an obsessive compulsive thing. It's so hard for me to stop realizing that I'm breathing and to stop trying to consciously control it. I worry that I will never be able to stop, that I will be aware of my breathing forever.
And I also have this weird sensation - it's as if the air hits my throat right away, without passing through my nose. It's as if I have been intubated and the air directly enters my trachea. The air feels so weird and unnatural in my throat. Why could that be happening? It seriously affects the way I talk, also eating and drinking. When I go to bed I'm afraid to fall asleep because I think that I will stop breathing. Sometimes, usually shortly after I have managed to finally fall asleep, I wake up with the sensation that my heart has stopped and I have to struggle to breathe. And also when fully awake, every now and then I have these sensations of my heart stopping for a couple of seconds. Kind of like skipped beats, but not quite. My mouth feels weird, and so does my throat ... I have this weird feeling that I might choke on my tongue, I don't know why but it just feels strange in my mouth. I clench my jaws a lot, so they also feel weird. Sometimes I get this clicking sound when I swallow ... and I'm always afraid that I will not be able to swallow and choke.
The breathing/swallowing/mouth-throat-trachea thing makes kissing my boyfriend a torture. I'm afraid to kiss him for fears of being unable to breathe and swallow right. Now how crazy is that! Not to mention the dry mouth thing ...
Everything that was once normal and natural is now weird and stressing.
It's Christmas time ... I wish I could feel normal at least now :( Instead I walk around the house dizzy, spaced out, struggling to breathe and with a mind full of irrational thoughts. Couldn't even go out and shop. I hate this!