View Full Version : Feeling low again...ill and worrying.
Hi everyone,
I've been doing ok the last few weeks with my anxiety...well better anyway since my last counselling session but the last few days I can feel myself slipping again :weep: To cut a long story short I have Spina Bifida and scoliosis. I've been having almost constant water infections for over a year and constantly feel horrible. I have no energy and am tired. I finally got referred to a urologist and had an appointment with him on Friday and he's sent me for kidney function tests. In 2003 my lsft kieney wasn't working very well but now I feel worse. I'm petrified of what's going to happen and how life might be if I have to go on dialysis or something.
Also, my spine is getting more and more curved and I need major surgery to straighten it up. I haven't put myself on the list yet because it would mean taking months out of everything to recover. The thought of not being able to do anything myself and not having work to stop me from getting anxious and depressed scares the crap out of me and I don't want to put my family through it all.
I've been starting to have nasty, suicidal thoughts and it's really getting to me. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm constantly calling my therapist!!
hi life really does get you down and it does feel like a battle but read back what you have written and you have fought so hard already and i have complete admiration for you:hugs:.
If you are seeing a therapist for your mental health maybe they can counsel you on preparing for major surgery and put some coping skills and a plan in place for aftercare.
i wouldnt worry about phoning your therapist i do it all the time... its their job:winks:.
take care
claire:flowers:
Redrainbow
24-01-10, 14:35
Hi little Ali,
Oh it will get better, i know that's hard to believe but just lately while i have been at my worst, i think there has got to be blue skys somewhere on the horizan. I sometimes think when things are bad you just have to weather it all the best you can. At least you are talking on here and that's good, I find all on here help me so much. Tell you what let me send you some hugs, they may help,:hugs::hugs::hugs:. Is that any better? or do you want a few more sending.
Like me, i'm sure you know your not alone on here, regards Wayne.
I'm feeling crap!! A couple of weeks ago I planned overdosing. The dr realised I'd had a batch of painkillers fairly recently and wouldn't prescribe me any more :doh:
I thought about going to the dr to ask for anti-depressants but I'm hopeless at talking to the dr about my feelings and go in all smiley. Anyway, I got anti-biotics for a UTI and felt much better physically and mentally. I'm starting to feel unwell with a UTI again the last few days and I feel depressed again!! The horrible thoughts are there. I had a sleep earlier and woke up feeling really anxious. I've had enough of this now. Feeling depressed is the pits.
I'm sure some of it is because I had a therapy session earlier and it dragged stuff up. Just wanted to vent.
Oh-I've just read back the original post and I'm not going to have the surgery now. The surgeon said it would compromise my movement too much so he doesn't want to do it unless I'm in unbearable pain.
raghida321
13-02-10, 05:40
:bighug1: Feeling low you should not, be relaxed, soothe your senses,have a glass of water. i know being in drepression is very awkward. but there are solutions for that. i have been in such situations but one day my friend recommended me an e-book that was free to download. i was really helped a lot by that. you can also give it a try. i am giving you its link. please do tell me about your experience with this anxiety reliever e-book (http://www.myfreereviewnow.com/optin/anxiety_review)
regards
Raghida hallal:whistles:
Sorry Raghida321. Didn't help me! I can see how it could help people though.
Anyway...thought I'd update. I've had kidney scans and nothing's changed since the last time I had them. I got a letter from the urologist and have found out what bug I keep getting. Combining that knowledge with Google was a very bad idea! I'm now convinced it's never going to go away and I'm going to die a slow death. I decided last night I'd speed the process up but I got drunk and I don't know what happened. I'm still here anyway.
I'm really angry with myself because it's more or less come about because I haven't taken very good care of myself :blush:
I'm really sorry u have so many problems Litte Ali.Unlike most of us here they are not fantasized from worry and panic.Yours are real.I see though that u are dealing with them slowly and u have answers at least, and I can understand that you cant be that hot pschologically, but try and keep with the therapist Its natural for things to be diffucult at the beginning,telling truths that have been hidden because of trauma or
fearbut it does get easier and helps lift a weight off you. I wish u good luck and patience
Thanks.
I can't see how I am dealing with it. All I'm thinking of is ways to kill myself and how I don't want to be here anymore.
there are always some good things in each of our lives please try to think of themand hold on to them for strength
I just wanted to say hi. I'm still here, despite my best efforts last week not to be. I'm feeling a bit better now but as soon as I get sick again, my mental health goes haywire!!
I just really want this all to be sorted soon!
Just a quick update. My last therapist (who was really good) has stopped doing private work. I found one who used to be a nurse and had 25 years experience as a counsellor, so I thought she'd be good. Unfortunately, her approach was more 'friendly' and advice giving, which is not what I need. I didn't feel able to tell her how I've been feeling. Before the first session, she saw my roof box on my car that loads my wheelchair in and told me how amazing I was! Anyway, I've now found someone who I feel very comfortable with. I've managed to tell her quite alot in the 2 sessions I've had. I told her I feel suicidal and she's said 'well, it takes a resourceful person to be able resist urges that strong'. I haven't managed to tell her I haven't been able to resist them a few times! :unsure: Hopefully I will soon.
I just wanted to give you an update. I had a Cystoscopy on 5th November and haven't had an infection since *touching wood*. I've defintely been feeling happier. I've the occasional blip and am getting anxious because of my spine, but I have an appointment in March and am trying not to think about it until then. Yeah-wish me luck with that one!!
eternally optimistic
30-12-10, 00:49
Excellent news Ali.
Good to hear you are happier, always good to hear someone say that.
Wish you luck with your appointment.
best wishes.
The infections are back. I've had one a month since January and the consultant wasn't particularly helpful the other day. I really have had enough!!! The infection I have is known as the 'Arnold Schwarzeneger of bugs' i.e 'I'll be back'.
I'm going to get a second opinion next week but this really is making me suicidal.
Ok, well I've been told by my GP that there's not really anything more they can do because the bug is so resistant. Someone pass me a gun!
I dunno if anyone's reading this but anyway. The day after I saw my er 'helpful' GP I ended up in A&E because I was coughing so much I couldn't breath. They found sepsis (infection in the blood) and I stayed in hospital for 12 days and having IV antibiotics.
I've been diagnosed with a recurrent infection that develops resistance to antibiotics when it's exposed to them and it's the bug that causes pneumonia. Happy days! :scared15:
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