View Full Version : Please help.
Please help me.
I doubt if anyone will reply but i am so desparate and i am scared.
I absolutely HATE the way i look. Thinking about being ugly consumes every single second, minute and hour of my day. I am sitting here right now shaking because i can't bare the way i look. Everything about me is wrong. I look disgusting. I have even stopped watching music video channels and other shows, because they remind ME how vile i am.
I am only small, but i went into the changing rooms yesterday in H & M and what i saw from behind has thrown me right back to a horrible black place. My backside and cellulite was awful. You kind of forget about what it looks like, but then, when its right there...it's not nice.
I don't even have the luck of having good skin, or good boobs, nice eyes or hair....anything. Everything to wrong. Awful skin, acne AND acne scars, wrinkles, bags, FLAT boobs (and i mean NOTHING), flabby belly, sagging backside, fat legs...it's ALL bad.
I am so down. I have nothing. I am ugly, i am agoraphobic and i have NO friends.
Life couldn't be better!!!!!
gypsywomen
24-01-10, 14:29
i thought you couldnt go out but on u tube you were in the snow you look to be having fun , so why are you feeling so low you have a nice face , your not ugly its your mind playing trick think positive
Ive watched your videos with Ruby Wax ,and believe me you do have a lot going for you ..You have a nice figure and face ,you are a pretty young woman .Yourhair is lovely and it looks shiny and healthy ..The way you feel about yourself isnt what other people see ,,Low self esteem and depression causes people to not see what is actually there ,but how we feel we see in the mirror ..If that make s sense ...The mirrors in shops are very unflaterring at the best of times ...I try not to look in them ...So what if you have a bit of cellulite ,,most of us do ..As for being flat chested (,tho you dont look like that to me ..)Thats fine too ,you can always get things to make you look better ,,What difference does it make .?.None of us is perfect ..We all would change things about ourselves if we were honest ,,I would concentrate on building up your low self esteem for now ,,Sounds like you are just having a bit of a downer on yourself at the moment ...Take care and I hope you believe at least some of what i say ..Lots of girls would be happy to look like you ..Try to like yourself and be thankful ,You are who you are hun and theres nothing wrong with that ...T/c Sue x:bighug1:
Gypsywomen - I can't go anywhere ALONE, i can't even walk to the end of my road on my own, my mother was with me on that day in the snow - i can go certain places with her, but no one else. As long as she is with me, i can just about cope. What you didn't see on the video was me panicking because of the walk from the car park to the hill. I had a blazing row with my boyfriend because he wouldn't park closer!!!!!
Sue...Difference is - i cannot live looking like this anymore - it's ruining me.
Veronica H
24-01-10, 15:17
:bighug1:Belle. I have seen your blog and you are an attractive girl with a good personality too, but I know this will not register with you as you are consumed with negative thoughts and this is affecting your self image. I don't know what you have tried so far regarding therapy but I am sure that deep down you can feel that these thoughts are irrational and you should ask for professional help to tackle this. Meanwhile try to picture these thoughts coming into your mind through a door in a room. say hello to them if you like but then show them the door on the opposite side of the room and escort them out without striking up a conversation. This dialog with yourself is keeping your nerves sensitised which leads to more fear and over thinking.
I can understand that your mum is your safe person and I think it is great that you are getting out there even in a limited way with her help. See this as a positive not a limitation as there are people with this illness who could not even manage this, and you can use this to move forward on your own at some point.
:hugs:Veronicax
I do understand Belle ..:hugs:But its just your state of mind thats making you feel like this ..I do agree with Veronica ..,You sound to me like you are develping Body dysmorphia ..There are treatments that help with this ..You are understandably unhappy about the way your panic is affecting your life ,but you have made progress this year and should be proud of yourself hun ..You can do things to improve your body if thats what you think will help .like a different diet and a toning regime of excercise .All can be done from home ..Sometimes a new haircut and colour can make a lot of difference ..Its also nice to give yourself a bit of me time when you can try a different look by changing your make up etc.You cant drastically change yourself unless you have a lot of money for surgery .Its making good of what you have already ...I dont think what anyone says to you will make any difference ..Its how you feel about yourself at the end of the day ..These suggestions seem to work pretty well for a lot of women .Have you ever watched "How to look good Naked ?" on tv with Gok ? Comparing yourself to people on music dvds isnt being realistic ,they have been made over and often the lenses cover up every imperfection .the same in magazines ..In real life people look pretty much the same as the rest of us ...I hope you get the help you need with this .I would tell your Dr how you are feeling and hopefully he will be able to help you ..
Take care luv Sue xx
Hi
I am like you with the agoraphobia, Belle. I can go out but only if I am with someone else or my dog. If I am outdoors on my own I can't handle it, but with someone else, it is more bearable.
You sound so down. When we are down we see nothing as being good.
Do you see yourself like this everyday? or is it only every so often? Have you ever discussed how you feel with a counsellor or gp?
My boobs are on the bigger side and I would like them to be smaller and pert. I think a lot of women are not happy with they way they look, even when they do look good to others.
There is a lot of pressure on women to be perfect and yet no one is. Women in magazines are airbrushed lots. Women on television have spent several hours being made up and their hair done by make up artists and an hairdressers, and then they stop every so often to have it all retouched. Did you see the pic of Kelly Brook in the paper yesterday? She looked nothing like she does on tv as her hair and make up had not been done, and that is just 1 example.
Regarding toning up - could you do some exercise everyday at home? I notice a big difference in how toned my legs look when I exercise every day.
I try and avoid changing rooms in clothes shops because the lighting is super harsh in them and not flattering at all.
I think when we get down then we become really critical of ourselves.
Are you and your boyfriend ok now? I hope so.
Some men can be really grumpy about parking and stuff sometimes...I have the same type of argument with my boyfriend. Sometimes I think he forgets I have agoraphobia.:mad:
I hope you feel less down tomorrow.
Hey Belle.
I remember you from when i was here before, and i'm pretty sure you would be giving me all the advice you could if this were my problem, so what would you say if it was me? So you have to listen to everyone now more than ever. Life hands us all imperfections believe me i'm no looker. i'm 4 ft 11 14 stone with a boys face and haircut. I've had to live with this my life just as you have and you coped well before. The mind plays tricks and this one is tricking you so fight back at it. Your are a good looking lady, my boobs are huge in the g area and i hate them, you can do nothing your so out of breath, i even felt like this when i was in the d's so i can tell you, no size is perfect and no lady is happy with her body. when your happy in the heart the rest doesnt matter so instead of focussing on the outside. look inside yourself and you'll find the goddess you always were
good luck hun cheer up xx x xx
Belle - I've got changed in the H &M changing rooms and it feels like I was lit up like a Christmas tree. The lighting in their changing rooms is terrible - not very flattering at all.
I read a womans magazine where there was a trail of womens changing rooms. H&M came out the worst because everyone thought they looked terrible.
I challenge any woman to look good in that place - bet even Kate Moss and Niamoi Campbell would complain. :hugs:
I've have changed my hair, long/short/fringe/no fringe...
Its the scars that are all over my body from acne, especially on my chest, there are so many, so i am limited with clothes that i can wear to cover them up. 90% of womens tops are SO low cut, and when you are desparate to cover not only acne scarring but lack of boobs too, it frigging hard work.
Also, being short doesn't help. I tried on grey jeans yesterday, i looked like my legs were 2ft long - everything looks crap on me. Most days, i don't even get out of my PJ's...whats the point? They cover me up nicely and my fringe covers most of my face...that's why i have grown my hair long again - it shows less of the scars. But recently i had such a massive boil on my nose that i picked and picked with needles and tweezers that it's left a big hole...there is NO WAY that will cover now. With regard to my wrinkles and black circles under my eyes, they won't cover either. Make up just collects in the lines and makes me look worse.
I've changed my diet, i eat lots of salad, veg....good stuff. I exercise every day...i do weights, sit ups, leg raises, star jumps...and still nothing.
hi belle i can understand with what you are saying i too suffer with agoraphobia i can go out but not far at all and like you i have been room bound house bound the lot!
I struggle with my appearance even though i have reassurances from my husband he loves me whatever i look like (and exactly what is he trying to say :huh:)
I takes me an extremly long time to decide what to wear if i am to go out as i feel nothing looks right at all.
i have seen your videos and i think you look lovely.
claire:flowers:
My goodness, when I read your post I expected to see Mr. Blobby in the video!! It couldn't be further from the truth. You are an attractive, slim woman!! You sounds as though you have body dysmorphia, which I don't know much about. And the description of you in the changing room is the story of my life!! You are looking for perfection, which doesn't exist, but I really hope you get the help you desperately need. You are far removed from the person you think you are.
Myra:hugs:
I just want out of all of this. No longer can i cope with the panic attacks, agoraphobia....looking like a sack of s**t. It DESTROYS relationships. If its not bad enough that i can't go out with my boyfriend, but he's going out with something as hideous as me. Just not fair on him. I am totally insecure. I fear constantly that he will find someone better, prettier, MORE NORMAL!!!!!....My life IS hell.
gypsywomen
25-01-10, 11:28
i dont think how man people tell you you are goodlooking it wont change your mind ,, in your chat with ruby wax you did so well a lot of people who thought themselves ugley would not go on tv ,your brave .. ,, your boyfriend wont leave you he seems supportive more than my husband ,, he never says i look nice but i dont care ,we have to believe in ourselfs ,you will come through this bad spell ,,your beautifull believe it ,,
The performance to get me to do that interview with RB. I cancelled THREE times before i plucked up the courage to do it. I was shaking, if you notice i kept my head down alot hoping the wind would blow my hair into my face so it wouldn't be seen...
Right before she turned up i got my boyfriend to go back to MY house and pick up my hair straighteners because i was feeling so disgusting. I would have cancelled again on that day, but it was too late.
gypsywomen
25-01-10, 12:01
well done you did it that takes determation
...and for every other day of my life - i sit and hate myself.
Dear Belle
I am so sad to read of how you are feeling about yourself. I can only share with you my story and hope that you can take something from it. At 14 was diagnosed with cystic acne..you know the one that produces massive boils. I had them all over my face, my back, my chest. Sometimes the pain of lying on my back was so great at night it made me cry. And teenagers are never kind are they. There was many an unkind comment flung my way. I was lucky enough to get a treatment which cleared the acne up, but nothing removes the scars, no the physical ones at least.
Fast forward into adulthood. I developed psoriasis and a bacterial allergy. It isn't fun when either flares up. The bacterial allergy has left a lot of scar tissue particularly in my inner thighs and breast area.
I have to boot tremendous stretch marks from when I had my son. Sounds really sexy doesn't it, really attractive..not.
But here's the thing..what I see in the mirror, I have learned, is not what other people see when they look at me. They like my eyes, they think my nose is cute, my fiance has a real liking for my fat bottom cellulite and all. But above all that, the people in my liofe like my personality ( most of the time). I am notoriously famed for making no effort with my appearance. If im clean and dressed then I'm presentable. I won't hide away from the fact that looking in the mirror is not always comfortable but I do try to see what others see and If I miss out on the odd night out because I don't feel comfortable thats ok as long as I'm not missing out on life as a whole.
I know that you hide i do my fair share too, but try never to hide from a false perception of what you think others do think of you. I KNOW the two never match up.
TAke care
Pooh xx
I think i forgot to mention my rotting teeth!!!! I have gaps all over the place..especially down the bottom....really noticable gaps. Not nice. I also need another 3 teeth out, that WILL be nice!!!
My acne is proper pitted holes in my face...actually they have been compared to.... Craters....
I hate everything...my stupid premature grey hair is included.
People here are trying to reassure you but you seem hellbent on ignoring any advice and just keep expressing how YOU feel. Pooh's post was very positive. Try and take some advice from others as you are doing yourself no favours and are in a downward spiral. Just stop and think for a while. We've all felt awful at times but you have to try and help yourself. It's the only way.
Myra
gypsywomen
25-01-10, 13:59
People here are trying to reassure you but you seem hellbent on ignoring any advice and just keep expressing how YOU feel. Pooh's post was very positive. Try and take some advice from others as you are doing yourself no favours and are in a downward spiral. Just stop and think for a while. We've all felt awful at times but you have to try and help yourself. It's the only way.
Myra
i have to agree with myra no matter wha we say you still are going to think the worst ,would it help if i said yes your very unatractive,(your not) but i feel thats what you want us to say ,take all the good commentas on board ,, and go from there maybe talk to your docter ,,,,,only you can do it:bighug1:
honeybee3939
25-01-10, 14:09
Belle
You have to stop going through this downhill spiral, you only live once so try and make the most of things hun. I have looked at your youtube video and you are beautiful. :)
Im nearly 50 now and and i wish i hadnt wasted so many years feeling sorry for myself! like i said previously lifes too short! once you start to feel better you will so regret wasting your years feeling sorry for yourself. Grab the bull by the horns and start to think positive before your get all wrinkly like me.lol:ohmy:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxx
What do you like about yourself ? ,You will probably say nothing I expect ..If your Boyfriend thought you were as bad as you say you are ,Why would he be with you ? I think all this is part and parcel of how you feel about your life in general .Would you say you feel depressed ? No matter how bad someone looks to them selves ,there is always something nice about them ...People who have been badly burnt and had disfiguring accidents ,manage to get on with life and do what they can to make the most of what they have ..Happiness shines through in someones eyes ,so does compassion and love ..What a person sees is the beauty within not the outer wrapper ..The outer wrapping is sometimes the first thing you notice ,but its what s inside that counts and makes a person love you ... Sue x
All i can say is that i know what i see.
..and Myra - i think your comment is a little harsh. I am not hellbent on doing anything. I am so destroyed by the way i look and the way i feel....if i could see ONE redeeming feature about myself, trust me, i would take it and run with it. I get no pleasure out of being so down...really, i don't. There are a lot of people who feel awful...i have felt awful since i was 13...i am now 34.
honeybee3939
25-01-10, 14:43
Belle
Could you not try and see positive things rather than negative, e.g. you say you went shopping to H&M and the sledging? For someone that suffers with Agorophobia thats real good going !:yesyes: And such a positve step:yesyes:.
Maybe if you got yourself out doors more you may start to feel better within yourself - you certainly looked happy while sledging and brave for doing it too !:yesyes:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxx
Yes. That was a good day, i was very happy, despite the panicking....
As a 34 year old mother, i should know better and that looks don't mean everything....but i'm thinking because i struggle with the agoraphobia, panic attacks, eating disorders, anxiety....it doesn't really leave me with many positive things to go on.
Like today for example...i am so lonely and bored...that things get on top of me.
You have to remember - you are like 90% more attractive than you realise, because when other people look at you, they see all your good points, your fab personality, whereas, you only see what you consider as 'flaws'.
I have felt the same at times, but I have had to learn to take on board that other people will see what I clearly can't see about myself. And that means they can see more good things than me. Simply because their vision isn't clouded with what you're percieving as bad.
It's hard, it really is, but, to take the first step in realising that you are a beautiful young woman, with alot of potential, you have to realise that you may not see the good things, but others do, and if you accept that, you will begin to feel better about yourself and ultimately you'll find yourself saying, 'i look ok'.
Often, the reason why you feel this way about the way you look, etc, is not only because of the things which may have been said when you were younger (kids never are kind), it is because you have adopted the things which have been said, and you have adopted a negative view of everything. If you have negative thinking - you will be negative - you will see nothing good. If you try to use positive words instead of negative ones, then you will see and feel a heck load better.
Please try to write down all the good advice which has been given throughout the thread. If you start with positives, you can end up becoming positve :)
Good advice - thank you xxx
honeybee3939
25-01-10, 15:16
Belle
I realy do understand where you are coming from i have been there and only trying to offer advice.
Like today for example...i am so lonely and bored...that things get on top of me.
Can you not try and turn that around to a positive? I know you say you suffer with Agorophobia but if you can go shopping and sledging (positive)could you not find something to pass your time so you are not bored and lonely? What about a little bit of voluntary work maybe a hour a day?(positive).
You say you cant go anywhere without support from your mum(negative), why cant you do this? tell youself "whats the difference of been with your mum and you been outdoors on your own? theres no difference so i can do it!(positive).
I always remember a therapist saying to me "If i put you in my car and drove you to the middle of the country side and dropped you off there would you just starve to death because you couldnt walk on your own to the nearest village for help because you have agorophobia? i said no) Nobody as ever died from agorophobia/anxiety so we must try and get these thoughts out of our minds(positive).
I hope you can get where im coming from, i was like you at one time but am now recovered and if i can do it anyone can !
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
Thank you Andrea...
Putting words into actions are hard (negative), but not impossible (positive)
x
honeybee3939
25-01-10, 16:38
:yesyes::yesyes::yesyes::yesyes:
Andrea
x
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