shotokansho
24-01-10, 17:39
Hello all. I need advice because i really don't know what to do. In the summer of 09 i went for my first job interview in 12 years and got the job!! I was ecstatic and elated, but very nervous. Anyway by the time all my CRB checks had come back ect i had had a breakdown in September and was admitted to the psychiatric unit. I spent 3 weeks in there and when i came out i had a letter from work asking me if i was still interested in the job. Of course i was, so i phoned them and they began putting my file together.
Then in the last week of October i was admitted again after self harming. I was diagnosed with severe depression, generalised anxiety and OCD. I spent another two weeks in the unit. I phoned work and told them i was very sorry but i was ill in hopsital and couldn't start as yet. I never told them why and thankfully they never asked. The problem is my job is support work and i was terrified they would sack me if they found out about my history or background.
I was recently taken off my original medication of Escitalopram (10mg) to Citalopram (40mg). I was also taking Temazepam for the night time, or Zopiclone. So during work i was constantly tired and constantly yawning, like the temazepam was lasting throughout the next day. Then i began crying again and the intrusive thoughts were popping in again, i was begining to feel depressed again. It's not just the job it was the pressure and the stress of working then running a home and looking agter the kids as a single parent. I just cant cope with all. When i come home from work its gone 6pm and the kids dont get their tea until gone 7pm. I cant actually sit down and relax until almost 10pm.
As soon as i get in from work i get angry and start crying, i am in a bad mood and just want to scream. Of course this isnt good for my boys, i love them dearly and i hate being like that around them. I have also been having constant nightmares of being back in the unit because i cant cope and it really frightens me because i dont want to be back there. In turn my drinking has increased to block out the stress.
Anyway last week i had an appointment with my consultant and he has said i am depressed again, but didnt think another admission was the answer, this i was pleased about. He said i may be crying a lot because my medication has changed and its having an impact on my moods. He also suggested that with all the pressure of work and home-life that i take two weeks off work sick. My problem with this is that i wont get paid for sick time. Another issue is that we are immensley short staffed and i would hate to drop them in it like that, then finally what if i have to tell them why? I already feel bad for not being honest in the first place, but because of the nature of my job im scared of being fired. It would look dreadful on my CV, my first job in 12 years and i get sacked!
The other problems with my job is that they are always changing my rota...i am forever changing appoinments on my days off cos my shift pattern changes so much. Even my kids dentist kicked them out because i failed to keep to appointments, all because of work. Then of course i have been battling trying to justify being a support worker but have one of my own...it's just seems crazy to me. With me having a support worker of my own, i find it hard to get things off my chest because of work i never get to see her and then things get built up and i end up exploding! This is where you lot come in...Really sorry if i have bored you, i just don't know what to do for the best...its so hard and im really rubbish at making decisions.
I either give up work for good or go on the sick, either would be bad cos i will have no money. I'm scared and stressed and feeling very low...again sorry for the long thread.
Kez xx
Then in the last week of October i was admitted again after self harming. I was diagnosed with severe depression, generalised anxiety and OCD. I spent another two weeks in the unit. I phoned work and told them i was very sorry but i was ill in hopsital and couldn't start as yet. I never told them why and thankfully they never asked. The problem is my job is support work and i was terrified they would sack me if they found out about my history or background.
I was recently taken off my original medication of Escitalopram (10mg) to Citalopram (40mg). I was also taking Temazepam for the night time, or Zopiclone. So during work i was constantly tired and constantly yawning, like the temazepam was lasting throughout the next day. Then i began crying again and the intrusive thoughts were popping in again, i was begining to feel depressed again. It's not just the job it was the pressure and the stress of working then running a home and looking agter the kids as a single parent. I just cant cope with all. When i come home from work its gone 6pm and the kids dont get their tea until gone 7pm. I cant actually sit down and relax until almost 10pm.
As soon as i get in from work i get angry and start crying, i am in a bad mood and just want to scream. Of course this isnt good for my boys, i love them dearly and i hate being like that around them. I have also been having constant nightmares of being back in the unit because i cant cope and it really frightens me because i dont want to be back there. In turn my drinking has increased to block out the stress.
Anyway last week i had an appointment with my consultant and he has said i am depressed again, but didnt think another admission was the answer, this i was pleased about. He said i may be crying a lot because my medication has changed and its having an impact on my moods. He also suggested that with all the pressure of work and home-life that i take two weeks off work sick. My problem with this is that i wont get paid for sick time. Another issue is that we are immensley short staffed and i would hate to drop them in it like that, then finally what if i have to tell them why? I already feel bad for not being honest in the first place, but because of the nature of my job im scared of being fired. It would look dreadful on my CV, my first job in 12 years and i get sacked!
The other problems with my job is that they are always changing my rota...i am forever changing appoinments on my days off cos my shift pattern changes so much. Even my kids dentist kicked them out because i failed to keep to appointments, all because of work. Then of course i have been battling trying to justify being a support worker but have one of my own...it's just seems crazy to me. With me having a support worker of my own, i find it hard to get things off my chest because of work i never get to see her and then things get built up and i end up exploding! This is where you lot come in...Really sorry if i have bored you, i just don't know what to do for the best...its so hard and im really rubbish at making decisions.
I either give up work for good or go on the sick, either would be bad cos i will have no money. I'm scared and stressed and feeling very low...again sorry for the long thread.
Kez xx