Feeling really low, just don't have any fight left in me

[lilly-lou]

I've not been on here for a while now but the last few weeks my anxiety has been really bad and I'm so depressed. This morning I'm that bad I've not even got out of bed to sort the kids out and left it to my husband, something I've never done before in 17yrs.

My kids treat me like crap most of the time, speak to me really horrible and my husband acts like he doesn't care about me. When the kids talk down to me he does nothing about it just tells me that i should deal with it. I'm crying all the time and just can't cope with anything. My house looks like a bomb has gone off and I just don't care any more. I'm no fun to be around and just don't see the point of doing anything.

I feel really low and just want to crawl into a dark hole and never come out. I cannot believe how unloved I feel, I'm not just being paronoid my family really do treat me like they don't give a c*** and I don't know what to do.

I am really sorry for the rany but I don't have anybody I really am alone

[claire m]

hi lilly. You sound so low at the moment do you have anyone for support? friend? doctor?
One of the worst effects of depression is how lonely it is. i have not one friend i can turn to where i live i have slowly over the years alienated myself from all social situations.
havr you tried the chatroom on here?
claire:flowers:

[lilly-lou]

I have nobody who I can turn to my hubby knows how low I am and he's giving me the silent treatment, like thats gonna help me feel good about myself. I've not been able to get out much lately because my cars broke and I'm not getting it fixed as I've a new one coming in the next wk or so so there's really no point wasting money on a car thats getting scrapped. I'm agoraphobic and although I'm ok with going out to places I'm familiar with when I don't go out I get scared I'm going to become housebound again and walking places is still a big challenge for me.

Thanks for the reply, gives me comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one feeling like this, sometimes I do feel like a freak

[BexieB]

Hi Lilly

I'm so sorry to hear you so down this morning. But believe me you are not alone. I'm sitting here fighting back the panic and depression that has crawled up on me over the last few days. I'm on new meds and the results are very mixed. Are you on meds yourself?

I don't have kids myself and can only imagine how difficult it must be when suffering from anx/depression. I know how difficult it must be for our partner's, i think their reactions can often be a result of them feeling helpless to improve our condition. When i get really down, i really try to show my partner that i'm trying to improve/getting help. It shows him that i haven't given up and that i'm still fighting. That in itself must be a relief for him.

I understand how lonely you feel too...My partner has left for 2 months in Australia and i feel so isolated, he's my strenght, my love. But lilly it brings tears to my eyes to think of you feeling so unloved, because my partner makes me feel so loved and wanted.

I'm sure your hubby does love you...but i'd imagine he's frightened by your condition...he doesn't know how to fix it. I suggest you tell him you love him, hug him and tell him you will do all you can to get better and that he doesn't have to have the answers. It may put his mind at ease and open up the lines of communication again. You need your hubby to get through this, but he needs you too. A little hug or kiss makes a great difference

I hope some of this makes sense.
Love and hugs
Bexie

[ElizabethJane]

Dear lilly I'm sorry that you feel the way that you do today. If you are a sufferer of depression and I am I have been where you are today. Small babysteps to get well are the order of the day for you. Even if is only to have a shower and put on some clean clothes then that is an achievement for you. I suffer from serious depression too and alienate my husband too. Try to say something positive to him even if you don't feel like it. I'm not sure of your childrens ages and why they won't give you any respect? You can't help being ill they should be helping you now. I would make an appointment to see your GP a.s.a.p as things have got so bad that you are retreating to bed. If there are no appointments then try making an emergency one. It will take a bit of time to get well again but with some medication and support you will begin to feel better again.

[lilly-lou]

Thanks for your kind words. I know its just another blip in the rocky road of anxiety and depression, just gets me down when I hit a stumbling block after all the hard work I've put into getting where I am today. I've not been to see a G.P. in over 5 yrs as the last one I saw basically told me there was no hope for me as I was completely housebound, nice ey? Well I proved him wrong so its kind of put me off going to see one.

Hugs xxx

[BexieB]

Hi Lilly

Elizabethjane is right, you have to get yourself to a GP and start the ball rolling on recovery. i'm sure you can find a different GP at this stage. There are always bumps in the road with anx/depression and sometimes we need to reassess our situation/progress. The best way to do that is to discuss it with a professional. There are so many treatments available and you just need to change tack/up your game now.

How have you been today? Here to listen if you want a good old rant.
Love and Hugs
Bexie

[smudger]

Hi lilly-lou. I'm really upset to read your post. You sound how I felt about 2 weeks ago. About the gp, would your GP come out to see you? I know mine would because shes a real caring doctor and I have a good relationship with her. If you don't ask you don't get as the saying goes.

About how you feel at the moment, you are obviously very depressed and this makes all emotions much bigger than they are. You become hyper sensitive to EVERYTHING and EVERYONE. I think it's time you sat down with hubby first and then the kids to explain what's going on, how you are feeling and maybe how they are feeling. Then you might get some help and the respect you deserve. Please try, I know its hard to get motivated and open up but you all need to work together on this.

I wish you all the best. Please know you are worth all the effort!

[bellabessnjet]

Hi Lillylou,
You are worth it, we all are. I hope you've got a sympathetic Dr and if so then go see them if not then find one. You are having a blip if someone 6 years ago told you that you wouldn't see a Dr for 5yrs would you have beieved them?? 5 years is an incredible time to do it on your own, your fantastic!! I've done OK for 6months and had a blip, tonight I faced my fears and should feel great and proud of myself, but dont. You've done this for 5 years, you can do it again. Your family might not know how to react after such a long time and it will be hard for them to understand, talk to your husband honestly, see if he can understand and help you. And remember peaople are always here to support, talk to and help you.
Lots of luck and good wishes to you.
I believe in you
Angela

[hoppipolla]

Hiya lilly :)

I think its a shame here that your husband isnt offering more support, as of course its very normal and even expected (depending of course on their ages) for kids to be like that, but yeah your husband it seems like it would be good if he did more :(

So, do you think if they all treated you fine you would feel fine? Or do you think there are other reasons here? Again, depending on your childrens ages, I would imagine it is easier to change details of lifestyle and things than to try to change PEOPLE! :)

It'll be ok, stay strong! :)