View Full Version : An "unofficial" reminder about chat rules
Hi all
This is from me personally, and is not from the Admin team.
I popped into chat yesterday evening not as an admin, but as a NMP member to have a bit of a chat and to run a couple of HA questions by members.
Within minutes of my arrival I got the impression from a few members that my presence as an admin was less than welcome (god knows why, I never go red, and I think I am pretty laid back and not authoritarian in anyway).
Regardless of this (don't worry, I am not that sensitive) once I actually viewed the subjects being discussed, I lost all interest in discussing anything related to anxiety.
Now this lead me to think about being in the position of a new member coming to the room for reassuance about the way he/she maybe feeling, and quite frankly, if I was that new member, going by what I seen last night I would have left chat and probably never went back.
Now we know the rules, and yes, rules are not exactly being broken, but all I ask is for chat users to think about others, and just think about what topics they are discussing.
I know people become good friends in chat, and meet there most nights, and there is nothing wrong with that, it's a good thing, but please welcome other users too, and just be a bit more sensitive when a new name comes in, or a member is quite for a period of time. They may want to put a question to the room, but feel a little intimidated to do so.
Think about the actual subject you are discussing, and if its appropriate. Put yourself in the shoes of a new member for a moment, would you feel comfortable with the conversation you are reading if you entered the room in a state of anxiety looking for help?
Many thanks,
Jaco
bomberbeamish
27-01-10, 08:57
i totally agree with this, not that its happened to me latley, but ive been down and ask a question and just been ignored, not on purpose, but cause they wrapped up in the own chat, and i do think it nice to come off the topic of anixety ect and have a laugh but this is a help site, whe i first was using this site i ent into hlp room and no one help me when there was 12 or so in the other room. i dont think people reliese they doing it ,.... x
I thought the chatroom was moderated.
The few times I've been in I found the topics of conversation more like that you'd have on MSN and nothing really related to panic, anxiety or depression.
I've only "peeked" in the chatroom once or twice. Never actually taken part. But I know if I had joined nmp and wanted to go into chat it would be to help me through my anxiety. Melancholia said it sounds like msn so perhaps some users should use this instead of the chatroom? It might put new members off who are desperate to speak to someone for reassurance.
Myra
I think sometimes it goes both ways though sometimes i have gone in and have been feeling pretty crap and the subjects have been nothing anxiety or depression related and have actually distracted me for a short time from what i was feeling.
But then i've gone in at times when i have been low and if the room is in full flow no on has acknowledged me and when you feel pretty low it feels like a personal insult even though it really is most probably unintentional :)
When the convo is moving at a fast rate sometimes people do get missed entering the room though.
maybe we need to think if some topics are inappropriate for the kind of room nmp is offering and also there is the pm option that is available to users.
And as my mum says "manners cost nothing"
claire:flowers:
munkeyinblack
27-01-10, 10:45
I cant help bu notice the majority of people responding to this are those who don't use chat.
I know many people i have spoken to on chat use the room as a distraction. They come on to forget their problems for an hour or two and have a laugh with people they feel they can.
I fully agree that people should not be ignored but it is hard to go into help when you feel less than ok yourself.
I always assumed that the idea of help was that if people needed it they would go in there, as that was the purpose of the room ? and personally there has been very few days i'v been in the chat room and not gone to help to see if someone is ok. If this isnt the case then what people can and cant say in chat should be made clear so no one feels upset or left out
Alot of the anxiety topics discussed in the room also act as triggers for those who are trying to forget their problems and i think the problem your raising works both ways.
To be honest when im on people are rarely ignored unless the people in the room are away or doing something else, which is also common at the moment.
[QUOTE=Melancholia77;608382]I thought the chatroom was moderated.
yes chat is moderated, but even us mods have our own problems at times to contend with, at the end of the day us mods are sufferers to, sometimes its incredibly hard to keep up with the conversation in the room, if say perhaps your already dealing with a situation, I personally last night was already in PM with another member, its up to all members to remember and abide by chat rules,
like Jaco says please spare a thought for all
Emms
Veronica H
27-01-10, 11:02
:yesyes:this is worth discussing and I can see all sides. The help room is a good idea as long as if a person is in there they are not ignored as that would hurt.:flowers:love to all.
Veronicax
honeybee3939
27-01-10, 11:05
Hi
I know chat does have its problems but thought on a good note i would respond and tell you i popped in the other night (not been in for months!) and i was made very welcome by old ( and i dont mean age wise lol) and new members.:yesyes:
Love
:hugs:
Andrea
xxxx
sb001f8994
27-01-10, 11:16
Ive not had any probs in chat, I havent been in for a while and went in last night, only briefly and was made as welcome as ever. I think as long as we show common courtesy and treat people the way we like to be treated ourselves we cant go wrong. It's just great to have somewhere to go for support and help if needed and its always good to get away from your probs and have a laught too.
Take care,
Carol x
pink daisy
27-01-10, 11:22
I was in chat last night.. and yes it did end up as a fun room and a bit beyond the normal conversation.. I do understand about the new people coming in thinking its a room of anxiety discussion and all.. and yes we do forget that sometimes :-(
alot of people have been really down the last couple of days over kazz and other things going on :-( and i do understand that the convos we have should be kept to msn sometimes but i must admit last night cheered lots up :-) but all the people in the chat room will understand your post jaco
when i read my post back i dont really think i made a lot of sense.
What i think im trying to say is that sometimes having the distraction from how you are feeling is nice:).
But obviously trying to keep it within the rules.
And of course saying hello and goodbye is nice too.
Actually i think im just confusing myself now:blush:
jaco your always welcome mate and i always say hi to new ones like it was done to me when i joined
Hi
I don't go into chat - too shy :blush: -but what about having different chat rooms - 1 for socialising & general chat, and another room for discussing any problems, the more serious type conversation?
munkeyinblack
27-01-10, 13:24
This was sugested before poppy but the idea is that help is used for that kinds of thing- plus its not fair on people who need help is everyone is in the general chat room x
bottleblond
27-01-10, 13:39
Hi
I don't go into chat - too shy :blush: -but what about having different chat rooms - 1 for socialising & general chat, and another room for discussing any problems, the more serious type conversation?
Hi Poppy
There are two rooms within that chat area. There is a general chat room and a Help room for people who need more immediate advice.
................
It's difficult because the chat room is a very busy place and conversations tend do go in so many different directions. Even i find it hard to keep up at times. We are quite lenient and we only ask that people make themselves aware of chat rules. If anyone wishes to discuss anything that we would deem as inappropriate then can freely do so via chat pm as long as it's not offensive to the other person.
I think the moderators do a fantastic job and they really do deserve alot of credit.
Lisa
x
Ive only been into chat a few times .& found everyone to be welcoming and friendly .I was asked each time if I was ok by more than one member ,which was nice .I have also used the Private chat when another member needed one to one help ,Its only very rarely from what ive heard that someone is ignored ,,If you need help the help room is the best place to go if chat is busy . Ive noticed many times the Moderators go in there to help whoever needs it .if no one else does ..I dont think you can knock something that works well most of the time ..Nothing in life is 100% effective lets face it Sue :D
Granny Primark
27-01-10, 14:41
The chatroom and its members have been my Godsend over these last few years.
Like ive said so many times its like going to the local without the beer.
There are people in there that you know are always willing lend a shoulder to cry on but there are also people in there that can make you laugh.
I know that if im not upto being my usuall "mad granny" there are people in there that I can pm or go in the help room.
At my age 23 this is a big comfort to me!:winks:
Ive always been made welcome and try to make new members feel welcome by being so nosey and asking too many questions.:yesyes:
Im sure they appreciate the fact that i want to know where they come from, what do they suffer from,how old they are,what sex are they, and what they eat for breakfast!!!!:yesyes:
The chatroom is a place that chills me out. Even if I have to ask everyone to type in slow motion!:D
Hi Lisa :)
Thanks for explaining - I didn't know that there were 2 rooms, but then I have not been into chat :blush: I may go in sometime but I get confused if chat is going fast.
I agree the moderators do a good job and everyone who is involved in the running of NMP.:yesyes:
sb001f8994
27-01-10, 14:47
Poppy,
Chat can be very busy and its easy to loose track but thats the fun sometimes answering the wrong question with the wrong answer!!! You should pop in, its great for both help and if you need a bit of support and just to chill out and forget your problems.
Carol x
Redrainbow
27-01-10, 14:48
I went into the chat room feeling miserable last night and came out feeling better, it really took my mind off things, alright some of the subjects were of coarse a little, but everyone was having a laugh. I'm quite a shy person and have no confidence at the minute but i always feel welcome in the chatroom.
I went into the chat room feeling miserable last night and came out feeling better, it really took my mind off things, alright some of the subjects were of coarse a little, but everyone was having a laugh. I'm quite a shy person and have no confidence at the minute but i always feel welcome in the chatroom.
Hey well done! im pleased you went in to chat. It really is nice!
I have had both good and bad experiences in chat, 90% of the time I am ignored so I stay out
Maybe make help the default room, then people can choose if they want to pop across to General Chat.
nomorepanic
27-01-10, 18:11
We do spend a lot of time reading chat logs after a complaint and it is draining both emotionally and on our free time.
I have always said that members can open a room if they want to have a bit of banter without causing friction in the main chat room.
The help room is there by default but new rooms can be created on the fly for other topics.
We have to keep the chat a friendly place to be but also remember that it is not a social networking room and new members and equally existing members will want to talk about panic, anxiety etc.
A lot of people don't want to go into a chat room hosted on a panic site and read all about sex (as an example) so please try and keep things clean and within the rules that we set up.
Thanks for raising the issue Jaco.
pink daisy
27-01-10, 19:31
does this mean we can open a room to have a giigle rather the main room sometimes?
or do we have to ask u first or can we go ahead and do it? i do agree this could calm things down now and then :-) I
bottleblond
27-01-10, 20:04
Members are free to open a new room but remember it won't be moderated.
pink daisy
27-01-10, 20:05
ok thankyou xx
I've never had any problems in the chat room, everyone always says hello when i enter (and i mean everyone!) I find it funny when everyone calls me Roy, as it's not even my real name, haha.
lol roy!
Better than being called Mr Biv I guess :)
I did have problems at first,but now I am over it.a lot of people did not understand my aussie sense of humour,I took things said to me personly and told a few off.But now it is my daily fix,to remind me there are lots out there worse than me.I enjoy talking and having agood laugh with my new friends when I feel like chit,they all boost me up isn't that what's it all about? I have made some wonderful,caring and lovely friends in chat room,as I am older than a lot in chat,they all treat me with respect.I am addicted to the chat room,it helps ease my troubles.:)
Rhonda
The other room situation has been raised again on discussing this in chat we were asked to stop as it was causing arguments so I respected the mods and those who asked for it to stop and shut up but this is a thread so I'm having my say.
Firstly the room that was created during Kazzie's passing was an exception in exceptional circumstances, of course people wanted to talk about this, so no problem with that.
The lounge, I personally can't see the harm in people having a laugh and a bit of fun in there it helps take people's minds of things and for some coming into chat is the first time they have spoken to anyone all day. I don't see anything wrong in have a bit of a laugh.
But this web site is here to help people so yes people want to come into chat and talk about their problems and most of the time people do try to help. When new people come in they are welcomed and told to speak up if they want help or need to ask anything which is good.
The other room is not a good idea it's been tried before and ended horridly, it causes division which is a shame considering how we all came together during difficult times recently. The last thing NMP needs is people going off into their own little clicks asking for pass words, telling people to feck off and making people feel unwelcome because they are not part of that little gang the words school play ground come to mind,there is enough of that going on in the real world with out bringing it to NMP. One of the reasons given for people wanting another room was that they were fed up of people moaning, well shame on them for saying it, those who did need to remember how they felt when they first joined and times when they have received help from people in chat. I understand that we are all at different stages with anxiety some suffering, some recovering and some recovered but this is a help site so if your fed up of people talking about anxiety issues then find yourselves another site and another chat room then you wont have to listen to people discuss anxiety.
The chat room as it is seems to work people do get to have a laugh and a bit of fun to take their minds of things, people who want to talk or ask question mostly get listened to.
I'm now going to remind myself that with all problems that arise on NMP this one will blow over as they always do. I guess I'm upset as I think this site is great and hate to see it being spoiled. If you could put a web site up for a Pride of Britain Award I would definitely put NMP up and I bet it would win.
i think its a good idea to have a room for just for banter as long as peeps realise that its there for that reason .there is no point going in and moaning about topics of conversation and then going of and complaining .Also being negative all the time doesnt really help anyone having a place to just chat and have a feel good place is nice ,im not trying to say that the chatroom isnt very welcoming or anything if there are lots of people suffering at once it can be very hard for those that are feeling good or having a good day and want to share there good day with others .But maybe a password would be a bad idea although i dont think there is anyone on here that wouldnt give the password out to another member .It also wouldnt be nice for those that are feeling bad to have to put up with banter and jokes it migt make them feel worse so having a choice of rooms might be a good idea those members
anyway thats my opinion
pink daisy
02-02-10, 10:20
Quoted by NMP Nicola, the owner of this website :-) last week...
"I have always said that members can open a room if they want to have a bit of banter without causing friction in the main chat room. The help room is there by default but new rooms can be created on the fly for other topics."
I know of 2 reasons why there should be a 2nd chat room - a happy, "banter" room.
1. Some people come to NMP chat for an escape from their anxiety. For a diversion. In the normal chat room, there are going to be - should be - those who want to talk about their anxieties at length. Or there may be subjects like death, which can freak out some of the health anxiety members. It's good that people can bring their problems to this room, but it isn't so good for those who don't want to share with them at that moment in time. Likewise, those wanting to share their problems might not want to have banter going on around them. A 2nd chat room is the answer to this.
2. After I had been in chat at NMP for a while, I got some friends, and we used to meet up in chat regularly. After meeting up with them in chat, I used to feel so much better, and I know that they did too. There was some friction between us and some others who felt that newbies could feel out of the swing of things with this group chatting with obvious familiarity. Forming groups, cliques, whatever you want to call them, is natural. Over the past 4 years, I've seen these groups form, change and disappear. Why would you want to stop this? I can see how they could intimidate newbies in the main chat room - but this couldn't happen if they were in a side room, because the lounge is the first room they go into. Answer - have another room.
It has been suggested that those who feel that the lounge isn't meeting all their needs should go elsewhere. Why? The one thing we have in common is that we're all anxiety sufferers. We can nip into the lounge when we want a moan, or the help room if we're in trouble. Why should we be told to leave NMP just because we want a bit of a laugh together. Why should we have to leave some of our friends to go elsewhere?
There was talk of a password protected room. I also totally disagree with this - except, perhaps in other rooms specifically created for a special purpose. If there was a "happy" or "banter" room, it should be open to anyone.
Saying that this has been tried before and didn't work is no reason not to try it again. Bad behaviour (eg telling people to feck off) should not be tolerated in the new room any more than in the lounge. It should be a condition of the new room that all newcomers would be welcomes and encouraged to take part in the chat. Why not give it say, 6 months, to see of it could work? If it was a disaster, well, at least you tried. Perhaps the whole idea would fizzle out anyway.
I also think that the site is great and if you could put a web site up for a Pride of Britain Award I also would definitely put NMP up. But that doesn't mean that you can't make it better. It doesn't mean that it can't change. I mean, everyone finds change difficult to adapt to, and we anxiety sufferers find it even harder to adapt to than the rest of the population. But that's no reason to stop things improving. Go on - give the idea of a new "happy" chat room a go!
Pink-daisey (aka Kate)
Just.A.Girl.x
02-02-10, 10:44
Ok I thought I would put my view point in as this seems to have turned into a debate hehe.
With all the drama surrounding this new room I have joined another anxiety forum and chat room, I am honest it is no where near as good as this one but they do have a room for general members who just want a clean fun chat about anxiety or anything day to day and then they also have an adult room where any convo is allowed (obviously within reason) it is monitored and people are kicked off if inappropriate! They have no problem with people being separated, everyone is doing what they choose to do :)
I feel uncomfortable to go in chat now due to a problem that occurred with a member and will only go in if my friends are in there but if we had a room where we can chat separately about things we want I would feel more comfortable and not pushed out of the conversation in the main room!
I think Kate is right..why not give it a try I dont really see what you will lose? People arent going to be left out we are SUCH friendly people and talk to everyone and anyone and you talk about 'clicks' but being part of this 'click' it has grown in size because new people join in and enjoy the banter!! The fact is I feel having a new room for the banter will mean that people have more choice depending on their mood..if they want to be quiet and relaxed they can go in main room..if they are up for a laugh and banter go to the new room or if they are not feeling good and need help..go to help!! Other sites do this and it works fine!!!
Well thats my rant over hehe!!! I love chat and am fine with staying in the same main room but I do understand that as an anxiety site some people would not appreciate the sort of topics we talk about but should therefore be given the choice opposed to us having to leave the site! xxxxxxxxx
I definitely welcome the idea of a different room away from the main lounge for fun and laughter.
When I first found this site I was suffering panick attacks 24 hours a day with NO break. I did try the main room once or twice but I found the pace of the room too overwhelming to say anything other than 'hello' I just could not keep up. Another point, while I was suffering, I didnt want to bring the room down while people seemed so happy by discussing my problems so I stayed away from chat and just used the forum for help, which being very helpful, is not as instant as using a room.
Spaced, your comment about people coming here just for a laugh maybe using a different site makes me feel very uncomfortable and unwelcome. It says to me 'ok, you've almost recovered, now move on please' I dont think thats is the message that the admins would want to send out.
Dont you think that having a 'happy' room would send a positive message to newcomers, that panic/anxiety/depression can be overcome and you can move on and have a damn good laugh when you come out the other side!
if any one was here when hampton was here you would see why i hate 2 rooms
I am with London on this one.
It always ends in tears, and I find it a bit offensive that people want to leave the main room to set up other rooms for all thier buddies.
Yes I know everyone is welcome, but I have never felt welcome in a seperate room yet, you feel like you are crashing a private party (and that was before I was an admin ;))
Still that said, if Nic decides to allow it I would suggest it is treated with respect, and the rules in the main chat should be the same in any other room created.
But like i said,, it will end in tears ;)
MHO of course :)
Jaco
bottleblond
02-02-10, 17:23
To answer this querie...
It depends on what the other room is set up FOR!
We know there has been some inappropriate conversations in chat recently and if this additional room is set up so these conversations can continue to take place on NMP then sorry, we will not have that.
If it for genuine reasons ie: an event then of course we will not object.
We also have to remember that other members feel left out and rejected when an additional room is opened and this causes great upset.
We have said that admin will discuss this situation but as we hope you will understand, we have all had a pretty difficult few days and have had more important things to contend with.
Please bare will us on this one.
Regards
Lisa
Hi, I would like to add to this debate,,,,
I am quite new to this site, being an anxiety, ocd and agrophobic sufferer. I find that the chat room sometimes makes me feel sad and sometimes I go to chat and have a whale of a time, like in the quiz.
I come out of chat really happy,,I think a little light banter is needed sometimes, as it acts as a distraction to your problems and makes you smile.
Thats all i can say on the matter really and respect admins wishes.
Snippy xxx
And it is only a debate :)
We are all friends, just differences of opinions is all :)
Can we have a chat room for urinary incontinence during pregnancy? *chuckle chuckle chuckle*
If you think I am typing that in everytime, forget it ;)
bottleblond
02-02-10, 18:42
Can we have a chat room for urinary incontinence during pregnancy? *chuckle chuckle chuckle*
Lmao noted Pooh!! :roflmao:
xxxx
Sorry Jaco realised you'd probably be more comfortable typing in....urinary incontinence in the older chap...LMAO
I told you Pooh, you are only supposed to take one happy pill a day, stop getting carried away ;)
eeyorelover
02-02-10, 20:09
I'm going to play devil's advocate on this one because I've been around for a rather long time and was around for the problems we had when we allowed new rooms to be created.
First off, regardless of what room a member is in, the same chat room rules apply!
People wanted the chance to create rooms and it turned into nasty talk free for all!! If creating rooms is eventually allowed and there is any inappropriate talk then the member responsible would still be given the appropriate punishment which could mean getting banned from chat all together!
Also altho members will say now that everyone would be welcomed, this wasn't the case AFTER we allowed rooms to be created!
We ended up with countless complaints about members not feeling welcomed in the new room.
When there is an issue in chat the admins have to go over chat logs and adding new rooms would create more work for the admins.
I know that if I went into chat and needed help and people were popping into the lounge and then disappearing to go into another room, it would make me feel unwelcome!
The rule is and has always been that if someone comes into chat and wants to discuss their issues with anxiety that members should provide support because after all this site IS a anxiety support site.
Yes the chat room is a way to escape from our troubles from time to time and have some fun BUT it is also a lifeline for those who are having issues that they need support with.
xxx
Sandy
pink daisy
03-02-10, 12:28
Quoted by NMP Nicola, the owner of this website :-) last week...
"I have always said that members can open a room if they want to have a bit of banter without causing friction in the main chat room. The help room is there by default but new rooms can be created on the fly for other topics."
This is the only reason why I asked to open a new room. I thought as Nic is the owner of nmp she had the right to say that the members were allowed :-) maybe im wrong :-( I feel like im not my own boss in my shop sometimes too nic xxxx
I know of 2 reasons why there should be a 2nd chat room - a happy, "banter" room.
1. Some people come to NMP chat for an escape from their anxiety. For a diversion. In the normal chat room, there are going to be - should be - those who want to talk about their anxieties at length. Or there may be subjects like death, which can freak out some of the health anxiety members. It's good that people can bring their problems to this room, but it isn't so good for those who don't want to share with them at that moment in time. Likewise, those wanting to share their problems might not want to have banter going on around them. A 2nd chat room is the answer to this. This room would be a fixed room and not just a room for groups!
2. After I had been in chat at NMP for a while, I got some friends, and we used to meet up in chat regularly. After meeting up with them in chat, I used to feel so much better, and I know that they did too. There was some friction between us and some others who felt that newbies could feel out of the swing of things with this group chatting with obvious familiarity. Forming groups, cliques, whatever you want to call them, is natural. Over the past 4 years, I've seen these groups form, change and disappear. Why would you want to stop this? I can see how they could intimidate newbies in the main chat room - but this couldn't happen if they were in a side room, because the lounge is the first room they go into. Answer - have another room. The other room would be a fixed one so nobody would feel like its owned by any groups!!
It has been suggested that those who feel that the lounge isn't meeting all their needs should go elsewhere. Why? The one thing we have in common is that we're all anxiety sufferers. We can nip into the lounge when we want a moan, or the help room if we're in trouble. Why should we be told to leave NMP just because we want a bit of a laugh together. Why should we have to leave some of our friends to go elsewhere?
There was talk of a password protected room. I also totally disagree with this - except, perhaps in other rooms specifically created for a special purpose. If there was a "happy" or "banter" room, it should be open to anyone. so people would not feel that it is run by any grpip of people. it would be a new room created by nmp.
Saying that this has been tried before and didn't work is no reason not to try it again. Bad behaviour (eg telling people to feck off) should not be tolerated in the new room any more than in the lounge. It should be a condition of the new room that all newcomers would be welcomes and encouraged to take part in the chat. Why not give it say, 6 months, to see of it could work? If it was a disaster, well, at least you tried. Perhaps the whole idea would fizzle out anyway.
I also think that the site is great and if you could put a web site up for a Pride of Britain Award I also would definitely put NMP up. But that doesn't mean that you can't make it better. It doesn't mean that it can't change. I mean, everyone finds change difficult to adapt to, and we anxiety sufferers find it even harder to adapt to than the rest of the population. But that's no reason to stop things improving. Go on - give the idea of a new "happy" chat room a go!
Pink-daisey (aka Kate)
bottleblond
03-02-10, 14:22
Kate
As we have continued to say...We will get back to you on this!
Lisa
pink daisy
03-02-10, 14:47
there is no harm in trying hey ;-) xx
eeyorelover
03-02-10, 15:00
"I feel like im not my own boss in my shop sometimes too nic xxx"
Yes Nic is the owner of the site and has the last say but when we make a decision we usually vote on what to do.
I have a leader but no boss thanks!!!
All other points I covered the first time you posted so I won't revisit even tho you copied and pasted it again.
xxx
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