Starting to feel like I'm losing my Mind!

[Ella_Jayne]

I've had HA since August and it's gotten to the point now where I actually think I'm going insane. Since August I've diagnosed myself with A LOT of serious illnesses, from heart disease, lung problems, DVT, you name it I've had it.

Now my HA has turned to Brain tumours and clots on the brain, basically anything to do with my head. I'm starting to get very fed up now. How long will this go on for? I've read 3 books, had CBT, been to the hospital more times than I have ever been in my life pre-anxiety/panic. Doctor's can't find anything, yet I'm still fearing the worst (dropping dead) I can't be on my own (incase something happens), I'm having horrible racing thoughts about death and so on. My family are so fed up with it now. I honestly don't know what to do.

I'm starting more CBT next Friday, hopefully I'll do better this time. Does anyone else ever feel like their goin insane? If I read something about an illness, tumours or clots or something then suddenly some if not all of the symptoms start developing. Does anyone else get this? I feel lost.

I went to the hospital on Monday as I feared clots and they did a D-Dimer on me which came back normal, told me not to worry and try and relax. But nothing seems to put my mind at ease, I still think I have clots on my head or a brain tumour, it's stupid I know, but I don't know how to stop this type of thinking.

I honestly think I'm going crazy, I'm just not even a patch on the old me (a whole 5 months ago) who didn't bother with stuff like this. My life feels unfixable. Oh I really don't know what to do. Sorry for the long post/rant. Just had to get it off my chest.:blush:

[Carys]

You aren't going 'insane', crazy or 'losing your mind', you have just gotten caught in a spiral of anxiety. It is a situation that loads and loads of perfectly rational, intelligent human beings find themselves in, all over the world. What sets off this HA is very specific to each individual, but boy, once it starts it is damn hard to find a way to struggle out. I wish you huge amounts of luck in your new course of CBT, I'm sure these feelings you have won't last forever and you will find a route to recovery. If it is any consolation, many years ago I had dreadful HA which started with mild hypochondria and ended up being so debilitating I was afraid to be alone, to leave the house, to do anything really. I left my job and dropped out of anything except doctor visits.

I really did come out the other side, it does take some effort and strength, as inside you are screaming but your HA can become past memories. Hang on in there !

Edited to add......Myra has posted below and I agree wholeheartedly with the comment below.....



Losing your fear of the thoughts and feelings is the key.

[lisa12]

hi.....omg i could ov wrote this my self had every illness goin an like you think i have some kind ov brain disease at mo as im always dizzy even tho i had a head scan not long ago ...think my doc only refered me coz i was there about 3 times a wk....also if i read or watch anythin to do with any illness u can b sure i will have or get it....my doc says its all to do with the way we think and i must admit from openin my eyes in a morn alls i think about is illness i have had lots of therapy for anxiety im gonna start a cbt course again on 5th feb so hope i do better this time.
hope u well soon x

[Maj]

No, you are not losing your mind! You have said yourself you have high anxiety and that's exactly what it is. It is difficult to reassure yourself when you are as anxious as this that there's nothing wrong. You constantly argue with yourself that there is. Many of us have been there. It's all about a tired mind that gets stuck in an anxious groove. You are fixable!! You won't always have to suffer like this. Acceptance is the key to recovery. You have to accept why you have the feelings and thoughts that you do - because you are anxious and are battling and struggling - and try and relax when these thoughts and feelings happen - so that they no longer matter. Even if you can do it with just a tiny bit of acceptance to start with, "glimpsing" Claire Weekes calls it, then gradually you will steer into calmer water. It's the only way. Losing your fear of the thoughts and feelings is the key. I would recommend reading one of Claire Weekes books. If you practise her advice then you have to get better. But you are not alone.

Myra :hugs:

[Ella_Jayne]

Thanks for the replies everyone, I really appreciate it. :) Today has been a particularly tough day, I've had weird headaches, feel like I've been smacked in the head, not just in one part but in my whole head. I'm trying to convince myself it's anxiety, but it's hard, the last thing I want to do is ask my doctor for a CT scan...

The nasty thoughts are what really get me, I was just over at Tesco and I kept visioning myself colapsing from a clot in my head or tumour, I didn't run out though I just kept telling myself I was ok.

Is there any tips you can give me to help me to accept that it's just anxiety and nothing more? I'd really love to know. I'm half way through Claire Weekes book, it's really good, helped me a lot but I still have trouble accepting that all these intense symptoms are part of anxiety.:blush:

Thanks again everyone.

[rozie]

Dear Ella Jayne

My heart goes out to you but please trust me when I tell you..You are not going insane. Please don't imagine for one second I am making light of your suffering when I say: 'Been there, done that'

I had exactly all these problems a long time ago and didn't at the time have the comfort of NMP to support me. None the less I came through it and am fine today. I am also delighted to have found NMP and really hope I can help others come through these awful experiences.

Please personal message me any time and I will do my very best to help you in any way I can.

You will be fine and I really hope this site will help you realise that.

[Maj]

Each time one of the thoughts come into your head just say to yourself "vivid imagination again!" and go about your business. Say it however many times you need to reassure yourself. You will calm down. Don't worry. This anxious period will pass if you don't give it too much importance. We've all been there and many of us got through it and you can too.
Myra:hugs:

[looking4answers]

I once went to a therapist ..and I had the most weirdest thoughts. Going insane was one of the biggest ones.. I asked him what if I go crazy and he said so what? Whats wrong with being crazy ,most of the world is..I thought it made sense.. but he did give me a little advise that I have never forgotten that helped me even till this day some 20 years latter. He said when you start feeling these feelings and thoughts just remind yourself over and over its just a feeling and it will go away and it always has.. Hope you feel better soon. Michael