Want to live my life again..

[cat2]

Hey,
I've been thinking about my life and all the things I avoid doing as a result of anxiety and fear, and I feel like my time is completely wasted..
I want to go study at Uni, but I'm so scared I will feel worse and won't be able to cope. I'm 29 this year so I know I need to start soon if I want to have a good job in the future.

I now think it is possible to function with anxiety. I've tested myself lately. Went to the dentist and it was ok, went to a pub with hubby and felt good.
I do go for short walks everyday and will make myself go to big crowded places so I can get better and overcome my fears.
Sometimes when I'm under pressure at home or if my friends need help with something I do it and feel so anxious in case I won't be able to do it right or become ill.
So thinking about studing and the stress that brings with it scares me..

5 years ago I wouldn't have had all of this.. I would have gone without any problems..
It's depressing. I don't want to spend my life living in fear and missing out on things that I really want to achieve..

Can anyone help?
Thanks,
Cat

[Brunette]

Hi Cat,

Have you considered an Open University degree? It would seem ideal for you.

You mostly study at home but about once a month you will have a tutorial with a small group of students. Attendance is not complusory so you might start out by going to every other one and see how you get on.

I have just finished my OU degree so PM me if you need any more info.

Best wishes

B

[cat2]

Hey Brunette,
Thanks for the advice, really appreciate it, but I would like to study Media production which requires more practical work, working in groups, different projects outdoors etc..
I know I would have to go out there if I wanted to do it, but I'm even scared to apply!
So not sure how to do it..

Cat

[Anxious_gal]

wow. I feel your pain! I'm 23 and next year I want to do a course.
it's near my house which is good. but it's costs a lot of money and I'm afraid i might not finish the course!
everything scares me, working in groups , public speaking, being in a class room, having others see me being anxious.
I'm so afraid i won't cope.
but the if i do not do this course what will become of me?
i don't have a job or anything else going on.......
I'm hoping to at least try.
maybe you could apply? tell the tutors about your anxiety?
we all have to try and do things that scare us otherwise where will we end up?
at home and bored lol!

[smudger]

Hi. Hope you don't mind me putting my two pennarth worth in. You know that saying "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all". Could we change it to say "better to give it a go than never to have tried at all". As they say (I don't know who they are though) "God loves a trier!". Did I just make that up n make a fool of myself or is that really something people say?

I am being serious really...I worry constantly about trying and failing or trying and never getting the opportunity to get all the way to the end to fail. We have to ask ourselves, "whats the worst that could happen?" I promised myself that I wouldn't be an "I wish I'd" kinda person just like my dad is now. Full of regret for the things he hasn't done. My dad spends most of the time regretting and I feel so sad for him. Please, please don't become like my dad!

[smudger]

Sorry, that didn't really help with your question about help did it? Have u tried CBT to cope with anxiety. I find it really helps. About starting uni, my friend is a student nurse and she suffers with depression (HER MENTOR KNOWS ABOUT IT AND IS REALLY SUPPORTIVE), think shes in her third year. She was dead scared and nearly didn't go on the first day. She kept coming up with reasons not to go like "the kids will miss me when I can't pick them up from school" and "how will I get the housework done" and "what if I don't like it?". Everybody she spoke to when she got there was having all those same self doubts and it's unlikely all of them suffer depression or anxiety.She summoned up the courage and hasn't looked back. You can do it!Have faith.

[Littlefluffycloud]

Have you looked into part time courses? Usually the groups are smaller, many classes are held on an evening so the uni wont be as busy and the work load would be smaller. I think you should be able to change to full time later on in the course if you felt like you could cope with it, definitely worth asking about anyway. :)

[cat2]

Thanks for your support :) I would love to think, the hell with it! and just do it. I know the fears are worse in my head than in reality (as I've noticed).
I don't know why I can't make myself try.. I don't want to live with the regret of not going after my dreams..
I keep seeing myself around people and feeling alone and misunderstood. I never really cared what other people think of me. Don't know why it's become such a bit problem to me.

I will look into part time courses, I think that's a good idea.
I think I need to get out more and start feeling comfortable around people first.

I'm reading alot about CBT and I know it works. I guess I need more practice. I've noticed that now I have more motivation to get better than ever before. Had enough being at home and thinking "what if" thoughts!!!

Thank you all for your advice :)
Cat

[smudger]

Hi again. You sound really proactive. Thats gr8. I asked my friend today (who suffers with depression) how she went about her decision to go to uni and she told me she took things a step at a time. First just from a curiosity point of view she decided to find a course and investigate it for a while. Then she applied never dreaming she would be accepted and waited for a response. When she was offered a place she was quite lifted by the feeling it gave her and pondered it for as long as she could.She changed her mind many times between her acceptance and her first attendance. She said the best thing was to take it 1 stage at a time. She didn't think so far ahead that it overwhelmed her. She knew at any time when things got too much she could back out. Even now into her 3rd year she knows she can walk. Nobody can make make her do what she doesn't want to do and she keeps that in her mind when she starts to feel stressed. Strangely enough it's this knowledge that keeps her going. I hope this makes sense to you and helps you in your decision. By the way, she didn't tell anybody other than a few friends about her application until it was necessary and that took some pressure off her. Please let us know how you get on. All the best.:D

[cat2]

Thank you smudger! That's a great idea. I keep thinking about the whole picture and it makes me ill! Just all those horrible thoughts about not being able to cope.
I will start slowly and see how it goes. I don't have to do what I don't want to do and having the option to walk away, or knowing I can take a break if needed is such a relief..
Thanks for your advice! :)

I guess it's like going places and always checking where the exit is just in case, and most of the time just knowing when the exit is makes me feel safe so I can stay. So I will try!

Cat

[Cat80]

I'm in the same place as you. I turn 30 in APril and feel like I'm not going to get anything out of life. I'm single and can never see myself getting into a situation where I can date etc. I don't go anywhere other than town once a week because my anxiety is so bad I can't go anywhere. Also I have very low self esteem so wouldn't be able to meet people anyway incase they think I look rough etc. Never been on holiday, not worked since I was 15 etc and feel like this is it for my life now. Don't think I can take another 40 or 50 years of this.

I've had CBT, did nothing for me. Tried about 6 different anti depressants and none have helped. Had 18 months of counselling, nothing.

You sound really like you are up for life Cat (great name lol) but just wish I could get myself motivated and stop being so scared

[cat2]

Hey cat :)

I think you we all have the ability to change our lives. Sorry to hear you haven't found the right treatment for you yet, but don't give up. You are still young and you are still learning.
What about support groups? Self help books? You can meet people with the same problem and you might even make new friends.

I know it's hard, but it's something we can change if we try hard enough.
I have seen people recover and live their life doing what they want :)
So there is hope!
You also have this forum for support :)

All the best,
Cat (great name lol) :)