Why Do I Always Feel Low After Socialising With People

[smudger]

Can anybody tell me why I always feel low after socialising with people? I sometimes feel like maybe it is better not to meet but I know that would be the worse thing to do! The friends I meet I care about so much and their children are very dear to me. Why do I feel like this! I do tend to analyse everything thats been said and every look that's passed between us and sometimes I get very self critical. Does anybody else ever feel like this? I will discuss this with at my CBT because it is starting to have an impact.

[Idstain]

Hi smudger,

This sounds like it's just the product of some negative thinking habits you've built up. The fact that you realise you are self critical is a great start. CBT will help you massively with this. :)

maybe also try some CBT self help books?

[smudger]

Thank you.I think you are right. Its SO hard to change the habit of lifetime! This happened after I met with them last week too. It isn't their fault, it's me!

[Mr Parfect]

I get the same all the time after being out with the few friends that I had.

I reasoned that this happened because I realized that I would return to my crappy, isolated lifestyle on my way home. In my scenario, those friends were the only reason I mixed with any form of society at all.

[Anxious_gal]

1. it might be the social anxiety, and maybe your putting your self down? wondering if you said all the right things? or thinking others think bad of you?
2. or it could be when you go out , you get a natural high , so it's a bit of a comedown when you end up back at home alone.

[NotResponding]

:) hi smudger! if you get social anxiety when your out, and your bodys on high alert, you would feel releif when your back, and perhaps exhaustion if it's bad.

[stuart88]

I get this to extremes. It's made 100x worse by alcohol as well.
I still obsess about things I've said and done years ago when I was drunk. I try telling myself that the other person probably never even thought about it but it just doesn't help.
Anyone got any tips with coping with bad memories as they really do feel mentally torturing sometimes.

The more I look at myself, the more I realise how messed up I am.

[smudger]

I'm starting to wonder if I should socialise ever again. I have been getting better over the last few weeks having more good days than bad until Saturday that is. I have a father in law who is the least tactful person in the world. For example about 18 years ago hen he first met my then unmarried friends new baby boy he said with a smile "so this is the illegitimate child then is it?" I was so embarrassed but this is the kind of man he is.I'm surprised nobody has punched him! On Saturday evening he said out of the blue at the dinner table to me "you look like you have put weight on and that jumper certainly doesn't help"...I said "you can talk, look at your stomache (he has a massive tummy and he is a pensioner but he is very clever and has all his marbles so to speak)" and he said AS USUAL (this is his favourite defense) "I wasn't like you at your age". I said "at least I'm trying to do something about it" and he said "If you had my neck pain you wouldn't be able to" so I said back "at my gym their is a lady with very advanced parkinsons disease and she goes every day to the gym to try and help herself..I really admire her". The conversation ended there but I felt really really low then for the rest of the night. I've been doing pilates and swimming 5 days a week for the last few weeks and it has been really hard to even get out of bed. I am trying so hard to get better from my depression and because of this nasty comment from my father in law I have had an argument with my husband for not telling his dad he was out of order commenting about my weight like that and my daughter is upset that Grandad has upset Mummy. My husbands argument is that Grandad has always been insensitive and I have always just answered back in the 25 years I have known him. My husband thinks I've over reacted. I feel so very very depressed again. My husband has let me down, the person that should be my protector and I feel I can't go their again. It ruined my birthday meal with my mum the following day, I felt so low I couldn't talk to anybody....it's all such a mess. What a waste the last few weeks have been, all ruined by a nasty comment. I've had this comment off him for 25 years but I can't handle it anymore. He knows I am suffering bad with my depression at the moment. He is bad for my health but what sort of message does it give my daughter if I don't go? I can't get over the anger I am feeling for my husband who said that he is not prepared to fall out with his dad over it."Don't ask me to pick between you and my dad he said. "he's a grumpy tactless old git sometimes and doesn't think before he speaks but he has been a good dad to me and a good husband to mum, you know what he can be like". I don't disagree with this at all but I feel at a time when I need the most support I have been let down,again.I'm just fed up with it all.

[NotResponding]

Your husband is perhaps used to it, and deals with it easier, anyway it sounds like your husband's right, from what you said it just sounds like he's grumpy, just arguing for the sake of arguing. Just try to be cool with it...? Alot of old guys seem grumpy anyway, because they're had a life and all the sh*t that comes with it. Step father is perhaps too insensitive, and you are probably sensitive (sa), and so can't take it, it's nothing bad, but your stepdad prbly wont give any ease if he knows your sensitive. I have bad SA sometimes, and this old guy who dated my mum sees it all wrong, just like "Oh get over it, stupid boy" when inside my adrenaline is rushing and my thoughts are going a million miles an hour. It is simply cant be understood (SA) unless you've had/got it. Try to be tough, stand up and let that nonsense go over your head, because if he dosent understand it then his words to you are unfounded, inaccurate. Am I making sense? Mayby Im spurring bull, who knows..:huh:

[smudger]

Thanks. You are making sense but its easier said than done. I've been trying really hard to get physically and mentally fit lately for myself and my family but to have somebody who should know better say such a horrid thing has really knocked my confidence. I haven't actually put on any weight, in fact my clothes fit better. It isn't as if I asked his opinion anyway! Why don't people mind their own business and keep their mouths shut unless asked? Incidentally, I managed to drag myself to pilates today despite my confidence knock and I am so glad I did. I cvan't get rid of the aanger I feel about it all though...what a waste of my time...I have better things to do!

[hellodolly]

hey smudger, i get this too its not always when i am out i can come home after an amazing weekend or a great day and i think the same....having to come back to a crappy existance where nothing i do can make me happy or on the other hand i DO sometimes get like that when i am out & it ruins my night, although it saddens me for you to have these thoughts it in a weird way gives me some comfort in the fact that i am not the only person who feels like this. i doubt this helps at all im just trying to write because it makes me feel better.

[Maj]

Yes, he sounds like someone you'd like to slap!! It sounds obvious he's always been like this so I doubt if he's going to change now. He sounds like someone with whom a conversation is nothing but a battle of wits. His comments would have cut me up to, but why should he be allowed to bring your mood down? You are trying so hard to help yourself. That's the important thing. Think about you, not him. Through time when you get your confidence back you will be able to rise above his comments and see them for what they are - of no importance other than to keep him happy. Deep down he's probably jealous of your youth - something he can never have back. You are doing so well so be proud of yourself.
Myra:hugs:

[smudger]

HelloDolly, no you are not on your own. I know what you mean about that giving you some comfort. Thank you Myra. You do make sense. Normally I can just laugh it off and accept that he is an ignoramous so I guess I need to bear that in mind but I will avoid his company for now if I can:shrug:.