My Problems...My Story....

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Guys

Sorry for this long post but i need to talk if thats ok :blush:

Last night i really cracked under the pressure of things going through my head and i ended up having the biggest cry of my life my poor hubby had to endure it all whilst wondering where it come from

My problems started 14 months ago when my mam who was my whole world died very suddenly of a heart attack she was 62 :weep:

I remember the next day being in her house and having chest pains and telling my sister who said your heart is broken and she was right i can honestly say i have not felt well for any real length of time since that day

My first problem was acid, feeling like i had something in my throat and getting alot of indegestion i had a awful episode of heartburn on boxing day 08 when my sister came to my house and sat here till 3am waiting for the doctor to ring to see if i had to go hospital by the time he rang it had eased and he said to use gaviscon

i then started to have palpatations,panic attacks,missed heartbeats etc etc i had been seeing a doctor a male one who i thought was really nice and he prescibed me fluxotine they made me really ill and i ended up having the mother of all panic attacks on 22nd august 09 which was my daughters 16th birthday :weep:

After that the constipation started feeling sick etc etc i was never really diagnosed with ibs but the tabs seemed to help so they kept prescribing them to me i was still seeing the male doctor at this point it has always been hard for me to go docs it takes alot to get me there so my last appointment with the male doc i got the feeling he was bored because he yawned in my face needless to say i felt as though i was a burden and i have never been to see him since

I have now a lovely female doctor who remembers my mam which i think is lovely since it is a big surgery with many patients

Anyway my constipation lead to piles external ones which was amazingly painful but the cream the doc gave me worked and i won,t be straining to go toilet again thats for sure i now make sure i eat either beans,porridge or weetabix at least once a day to keep me regular and it seems to work

I am on colofac for ibs i take 15mg of lanzoprozole once a day and paracetamols 4 times a day because i have a back problem which probably worries me the most it is mainly on my left side kind of like around my ribs but at the back it sometimes affects my shoulder and my left arm my neck and shoulders are ALWAYS aching sometimes right up to the back of my head

I must admit i am a sod for not taking my meds properly like is says 20 mins before food and i have been taking it after food i sometimes miss a dose of paras which of course leads to more pain and i get more worried but sometimes even when i do take my tabs properly i am still in pain esp from my back and my ibs is this normal? would my anxiety cause this?

I know i sit at my laptop too long and at night from 7pm when my son goes to bed i sit in bed till i go sleep i know this can not be helping but i feel safe there in my room

I am seeing a coucellor who said 12/18 months is the normal grieving process well that gives me 4 months to sort myself out i know i can,t do it i can,t imagine feeling any different in 12 to 18 years how do i begin to get used to this life without my mam? where do i start trying to accept i will never ever see her again?

In all this the only test i have had is a full blood count which showed cholestorol of 5.2 and a abnormal thyroid level which they said they would retest in 3 months this was in sept i am scared that although i trust my doc and i know shes good at her job how can she know i have not got something serious? i have also had the h polyri test not got the results yet i don,t want to be referred to the hospital that is my biggest fear but how can i get myself to trust my doctors judgement?

I am so sorry to have gone on and on thanks guys :hugs:

[bronte]

Hi i know what your going through i too lost my mum 15 months ago and my world fell apart i bought the house next door because i couldnt bear living too far away when she died from cancer at a very young 68 my heart broke and along came a rollercoaster of anxiety and grief symptoms my periods went haywire with breakthrough bleeding and herrendous pelvic and coccyx pain all down to anxiety i know because i put myself through horrible invasive test also my ibs has been terrible which i am struggling with at the moment thinking it bowel cancer which my dr assures me it isnt because i also put myself through a colonoscopy 2 years ago and it was clear and colon cancer takes many years to grow but im still moving round my body from one ailment to another and i know its to do with mums death because my health anxietys actually started when i was 23 when my dad died at 54 from lung cancer i feel like a 43 year old orphan i really feel for you because there is no short cuts to grief is there.

[ScaredCaz]

Hi Bronte

Thanks so much for your reply

I am so so sorry you are suffering as well i know my mam would,nt want me to be like this but that just adds to the pressure of a normal life i have so many symptoms i dunno if they are connected not connected etc etc every day is so hard right now

I hope you find some peace soon :hugs::hugs:

[bronte]

im exactley the same i feel like im letting mum and dad down because i cant concur this which does add to the pressure and i have so many symptoms of loads of illnesses i dont know where too turn its ridiculous

[margaret jones]

Your poor girls you have both lost your precious mums i know it is not easy but do try and live your life as fully as you can i know your mums would want you to .
,
Take Care Margaret xxx:hugs:

[ScaredCaz]

Hi bronte and margaret

Thanks again so much or your replies

I feel exactly the same bronte don,t know what to do sometimes i feel really positive and can think right i am going to get on with my life but in a day or two i,m back to square one

thanks for your kind words margaret you are of course right it is just so hard to put it into practice so so hard

:hugs: