SO ASHAMED OF BEING A LOONEY! HELP!

[fradycat]

Hello everyone!
I would like to know how many of you actually tell your partner/family about your anxiety/panic. I have had an awful few weeks and feel quite low. Despite my best efforts to relax and clear my mind, I've been beaten back by my fears. I have suffered anxiety/panic attacks for 5 years but have never told my husband/family for fear of ridicule. My husband, in particular, is very contemptious of people who 'suffer with their nerves'. His boss had a nervous breakdown a few weeks back and he described him as a 'weak, spineless coward'. I don't want to been seen as weak, incapable and looney. I have always been a strong person in the past, someone to rely on - I want to remain that way. How could I possibly tell my husband that I am frightened of a shop? (Thats how he would see it!) Most of the time, I lead a pretty normal life but I have been in a set-back recently. I have felt better the last couple of days as I have been out walking in the countryside. I just want to be back to normal again. How can I expect others not to hold me in contempt when I hold myself in contempt! I feel quite angry with myself at times. My patience is wearing thin - I am sick of waiting for recovery. I know the score, I know whats happening, I know the usual coping mechanisms yet still it comes. My mother and her twin sister have both suffered with panic at various times - I couldn't turn to them, I'd never hear the last of it! I can hear it now, oh poor mandy, she was such a confident, lively person - who would have thought it! I would also like to hear your thoughs on medication. I have never taken any as I am too scared of the side effects. I have heard many horror stories of side effects on this site, yet you all seem to be taking something! I believe medication only masks a problem. The root cause will still be there when you finish the course, I don't want a crutch, I want to stand and walk alone!
Love you all,
Hope someone is listening!
Fradycat. xx
Happy new year! This better be a good one!

[ItWillPass]

I know how you feel... my husband comes from a family where psychological disorders are basically ignored... No one seeks help. I was scared to explain this all to my husband... But I just did it, and I bought him a book to read about it, basically just explaining the science behind it all, so he would realize it is not all in my head. He has been SO supportive... and I am sure yours will be as well. It sounds like his boss was a jerk anyway, so it makes sense for your dh to have no sympathy for him... But he will not respond the same way to you. Also, telling my dh helped a lot because I knew i wasnt the same anymore. I was edgy all the time... and this comforted him, because he believed I was just no longer interested in him. I think honestly is always the best policy...

[freakedout]

Hi fradycat,

Oh I can soooooooooo relate to your situation. My panic and anxiety has been in my life for about ten years on and off and it is on in a big way at the moment. It did me no good whatsoever trying to keep it to myself for so long because I was screaming inside. Like you, the real me is 'strong' and 'reliable' and irrational fears of trivial things the the shops for example make us feel so useless and as your husband may say 'spineless'.

I doubt that he would think that of you, he would perhaps be shocked and would probably feel a bit bad for not having known about your problem. I feel much more confidant to have my husbands support, now that he knows. I do not have the extra worry of trying to hide my feelings from everyone. Like you say, you feel a bit ashamed - well there is nothing to feel ashamed of.

I am a reluctant medication taker, having paranoia's about side effects and anaphylaxis and so on, but have now been taking tablets since April. I still have a long way to go and am currently changing my tablets but I have now accepted that I NEED them. It may be worth talking to your GP, talking and listening to what he/she advises may help.

My mother has always been an anxious dithery sort and it was only last week she said how I used to be so confidant, I was cringing when she said "oh you are like me aren't you". Well thanks but no thanks mother!!!

Hang on in there, some people on this forum are brilliant a giving good advice, I have been a member for about a couple of weeks and feel so much better for being able to share issues with people who know what it is like.

Take care and be happy

Louisa

[Meg]

Mandy

*I have always been a strong person in the past, someone to rely on - I want to remain that way.* and that doesn't have to change - even through my worst times I was still that person to some who did know and many who did not. I had more needs /limitations than previously but I didn't lose any of my people strengths.

*I am sick of waiting for recovery. I know the score, I know whats happening, I know the usual coping mechanisms yet still it comes.* Your chosen words puzzle me as once you know and understand that your anxiety is self created by your thoughts - it doesn't just come - but you create it and then react to it. I was outraged once I figured that bit out as previously I had thought anxiety was an 'it' that ingulfed me from without and it took me ages to realize that it was me from within ....

Lifestyle has a great input too but the majority of anxiety comes from within

If you are sure about your husbands reactions you could be pleasantly surprised but its possible that he may react just as you expect thus wishing you hadn't shared. If you are coping amd inproving you may get away without bearing all or you could admit to one worst fear and see his response to that first.

Common Symptoms of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=symptoms)

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

Thoughts : Lets try to keep our thoughts in perspective (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=283)
Mind Games (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=1789)
obsessive thoughts & anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=3096)
Still suffering this damn "suggestive" thing.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4288)
How to CURE yourself ! The definitive guide here.. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=5357)
Its happening again ! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6094)
Things to consider for success! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6165)

The Battle that Rages in my Head (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=4149)
struggling... (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6901)
TAKE A STAND?! (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=6823)





Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?

[eeyorelover]

Hi there
I am really amazed that you have been able to keep it to yourself this long. I know that even if I hadn't told my husband about my panic - that he would have suspected something was wrong when I was at my worst. I just can't imagine going through it alone and you shouldn't have to go through it alone either. After all, you should expect your husband to stand by you and be supportive even if he doesn't understand what panic is all about yet. I think that if you tell him then you will see that he will be very supportive even tho he might not be too happy with you for keeping it from him all this time.
As far as meds go - not all of us are on meds. I personally don't take anything prescribed for my anxiety. But that is my personal choice. That doesn't mean that it is the right decision for everyone. Some say they couldn't get along without the meds and I say to that - whatever works for you is great.
You need to discuss your options with your doctor.
I know what you mean about always being seen as the strong one. I used to fight against the panic so that I wouldn't be seen as weak but now I have discovered that if I don't fight it and just accept it and talk myself through it that it's not as bad and the panic is coming less and less often. You don't have to be the strong one all the time. No one is perfect and no one should expect you to be either.
Just remember that you are not alone in this. If you need to talk or have any questions then we are always here for you.


Sandy
(eeyorelover)

If the world didn't suck... we'd all fall off :)

[fradycat]

Hello everyone!
A massive thanks to all who replied! I am so glad not to be alone! I had to smile when Meg said I puzzled her! I puzzle myself - believe me! I do have an explanation, however, the last few weeks, I have been exceptionally anxious - when I am like this, my judgement is clouded, I can't think objectively and seem to forget everything I have learnt and put into practice. I start to think that there is an 'it' doing all these horrible sensations to me. However, as I calm down, I gradually see the light again and start to get my confidence back. Once my confidence is up, I'm ready for the challenge again.
As far as my husband is concerned, I have come close to telling him what's up - but haven't managed so far. I think it might make me feel worse - that's what I'm scared of! Bl**dy hell! Something else to be scared of! I will think about it some more!
I did go to my doctor's when I first started to suffer. They did loads of blood tests, all came back normal. My doctor is always on holiday and you get to see different ones yet all of them couldn't find anything wrong with me. One young doctor just shrugged his shoulders and said he couldn't do anything for me. After 6 months of intermittent visits (and a lot of suffering of this unknown tropical disease!), I saw a part-time semi-retired lady doctor who knew straight away what was wrong with me. No help was offered though - she just told me to buy relaxation tapes! So basically I've just been my own therapist for the last 5 years and got through it that way. I don't want to take drugs and have to worry about side effects. My friend went on anti-depressants once and she turned into a bit of a zombie and felt worse than ever!
I hope this set-back period will pass soon - I've got big hopes for the new year!
Love you all,
Hope to help others as soon as I'm back on form!
Mandy (aspiring not to be a fradycat anymore!)
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxx

[Meg]

Ok Mandy

so a Claire Weekes book and

Common Symptoms of Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Phobias and OCD. (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/NMPcms.php?nmppage=symptoms)

First Steps to overcoming Panic and Anxiety (http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=942)

and see if a cohesive approach will work.

If you're that worried about husbands response probably don't jump in with both feet together. Tread carefully and see what respnse you get if you just share one aspect of it.

Don't want to make your situation worse especiually as you are going to improve soon.

Meg
www.anxietymanagementltd.com

Your anxiety is the human representation of the pictures that you paint using your many vivid colours of revolving and reoccurring thoughts.
How big is your gallery ?