Motorway Driving (warning: very long!)

[Dying_Swan]

Hello everyone :)

It's been a while since I posted here so bear with me! I used to have major panic attacks and agoraphobia, but am now fine :yesyes: except on motorways!

So the reason for this is that I finally realised and believed that panic was not dangerous and wouldn't hurt me. I've had panic attacks in almost every situation and nothing bad has ever happened...but one day I had one on the motorway. It was no different to normal, but I avoided that bit of road for a while which was a daft thing to do...

So of course it spread to a fear of other motorways and dual carriageways. I decided to google 'panic attacks and motorways' because I wanted to be reassured that even though it was horrible, it wasn't dangerous. Bad move. I found all these sites saying it was lethal and you needed to get off the road ASAP. This basically stopped me from driving on them altogether.

I started having CBT again and the therapist told me that it depends on how distracted you are by the panic as to whether or not it's dangerous. I tested this out and found that when I'm panicking, I'm more aware than ever about who's behind me and next to me and what's going on. So this is good - I'm feeling terrible but I'm still aware of what's happening around me.

I started a new job a while ago which is about half an hour's drive away - up the A1M. I found another route, which is almost as quick. The city I work in is surrounded by 4 dual carriageways, and it is impossible to get around without using them. So now I'm generally fine on those roads, but as I have no need to use the A1 I don't! And I know this is counterproductive, because it holds me back. When there is an option to use back roads, I often take it, even if it means driving miles more than I need to.

I hate overtaking and often sit behind someone at 50mph because I can't face overtaking. The longer I do this the more anxious I get. If I overtake immediately I get on the road and keep doing it, I'm ok. My therapist says this is because sitting behind someone and not overtaking is 'escape and avoid' behaviour.

Last summer I drove from Cornwall to Reading in one go....with the use of medication to help. I was fine. This helped for a bit but I let it go and know I need to start again.

The therapist says that you need 15 exposures to get over it, and they have to be about 20 minutes each - or long enough for the anxiety to wear off. So, I am supposed to drive up and a down a motorway for 15x20 minutes. I just can't face it!! I'm pretty sure nothing bad would happen, but it's just so frightening being stuck on a motorway and panicking....and knowing you can't pull over or get off the road...which is of course the route of the problem.

He offered to come in the car with me, but it's even worse when I have a passenger because I feel under pressure that they will notice :blush:

So, that's the problem (in a HUGE nutshell!). I haven't put it in phobias because I'm fine if I'm in someone else's car - it's still a panic issue.

I've tried various coping methods - breathing, singing, eating mints etc. They do help, but if anyone has any advice for me I would be very grateful. I know that ultimately, I need to just do it and stop avoiding it, but as you all know that's easier said than done. So, if anyone has some handy hints in the meantime, I'd be very keen to hear them!

If you've got this far, you deserve a medal. Thank you for reading and I wish you all a happy weekend :)

[Just.A.Girl.x]

Hello Dying Swan :)

I dont drive so cant really sympathise or understand your situation but I wanted to say Well Done!!!! From agoraphobia to being only scared of one thing is amazing and I hope to follow in your footsteps!! If you have managed to get over agoraphobia and panic..bar one thing then you will definitely get over the fear of motoways..it just might take a little longer! :)

Well done again hehe

Candy xxxx

[snippy]

Hi, You are most deffinately alone with this problem.

I have had bouts of not driving due to panic attacks, in 2002 I was driving down the M5 and for no reason I was concentrating on my sweaty hands and my breathing, then my heart started thumping so loudly I completely freaked out.

I pulled off the motorway ontot he hard shoulder and spoke on one of the emergency telephoned and said I am having a heart attack, then started crying saying that I think it is a panic attack, the operator was exceptionally understanding and went as far as to connect me to my own doctor, who talked me down to a degree and reassured me that he had called my family and that help was on the way.

I dont know how i managed it but i got back in the car and drove down the hard shoulder until the next exit, whereby I went into a little chef and asked for a first aider.

That day has a major impact on my driving capabilities,,,I didnt drive again until 2005 whereby I had a large teddy bear sitting in the passenger seat and I used to do little journeys, ie round the block.

Last year my anxiety arose again and yet again I am stuck with the problem of driving, I am ok on town roads but the thought of a country road or motorway completely freaks me out.

I even went as far as to sell my car last year.

At christmas I needed to see my family so my partner won a car for me on ebay, I drove it the next day to devon, with a friend sitting in the car, it was a long way and although i panicked the whole time I had such an overwhelming relief when I was back on the town roads.

My partner has now brought me a sat nav, which talks to me when I drive, so this reassures me that the big road will end in 1.5 miles say and I have my goal.

It is always good to have a fully charged mobile with you anf I find having a drink in the car also helps, ie water or squash.

I also have babywipes as these are useful for wiping over your face and neck if you feel sweaty.

Also chewing gum is useful as this acts as a distraction.

I hope 1 day to be able to drive on country roads by myself and I am certainly getting better using my sat nav.

I hope I have been of help.

Snippy xx

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you so much for your replies. It means a lot and I'm amazed you managed to wade through all my waffle!

Candy - Thank you for your nice words and support. Getting through agoraphobia is hard but it seems a lifetime ago now...it was 2005. It took a long time but slowly it has gone. I've had times when I've feared it might come back, but I believe once you've learned the methods to cope with it, you've beaten it. You will get there :)

Snippy - Thanks for your great advice. I got a Sat Nav last year and they are brilliant. If I'm going somewhere and I'm anxious about it, I do put it on so I can see the miles going down and the goal getting nearer! I always have a drink nearby but I find that my hands are gripping the steering wheel so tight, I'm too scared to take one off and have a sip. I notice that I adopt a certain pose...white knuckles, left foot poised above the clutch, and holding my breath!! And then my right foot pumps the accelerator because all I want to do is slow down but I have to force myself to keep going. And...do you ever find you have an overwhelming urge to slam your foot on the brakes?! I do and it scares me. I know that would not be a good plan!!

I know what I need to do is get out there and do it, but I am struggling to summon the motivation or the courage. How did you do it? You did amazingly well to get back in a car at all after what you went through. What was it that made you do it?

Thanks again

[darrenc]

I know how you feel because I had a panic attack on the M25, and then had to drive through the rush hour traffic in London to hospital. It felt like the longest night of my life.

I didn't drive for a 10 days afterwards and was put on citalopram by my doctor, which has helped a lot. When I feel particularly nervous in the car I chew on some gum, which I find helps take my mind off things. Others have also suggested trying to count the number of cars of a different colour, or trying to add up the numbers you see on number plates.

[nomorepanic]

Mary

Read this..

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=7162

You will have to bear with it cos it is long but just read my posts and ignore replies to shorten it.

Basically you have to keep doing it. I used to drive up and down the A1 for ages until I got the confidence.

Also read the coping page for driving coping mechanisms

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you Darren and Nic. It's nice to know I'm not alone. Sometimes I wonder if any other people in the cars around me are finding it tough?

I had a look at the coping page and I like the suggestion of counting numberplates. I'm completely hopeless at maths so that ought to keep my mind busy for hours!

Do you ever find that you're driving along and you think to yourself 'Oh I feel fine'...and then wham! It hits you! Grrr. I used to be a pretty confident driver. Will get back there I'm sure. I will have a good look through your thread Nic - thanks. I have had a quick glance but will read it properly.

I told my GP and he was very nice, but no-one understands unless they've experienced it, so advice here is really very helpful.

[Meltdown]

So good to read this (if you see what I mean!)

I have beaten panic in most areas of my life, but I still have major problems with flying (i.e being trapped in a situation I can't walk away from, rather than the actual flying itself), trains (same reason as flying), being a passenger in someone else's car, - and getting stuck in traffic jams on a motorway/dual carriageway.

I know I shouldn't do it, but I avoid certain routes because of this! In the summer I was stuck in stationary traffic in the dark for 45 minutes on the A46 because of roadworks and a broken-down vehicle! I was on the way to see a concert, but ended up too late to get there in time, and just went home! I felt exhausted.

I have reduced my fear of jams, so that the shorter ones don't bother me, and I am OK on a single track road (where you can do a "U-turn" or turn off) - but motorways are still a problem. I start to hyperventilate at the first sign of brake lights!

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Meltdown

Well done for getting this far!! It sounds like you've come a long way already, which is great. I also hate flying so can totally sympathise there! Last year I tried to drive to the airport along the motorway - I managed about 2 miles lol.

Although I don't have a fear of roadworks or holdups, I know many people do and I think the underlying fear is the same - not being able to escape the situation. When I had bad panic disorder I hated being stuck at traffic lights. I used to drink water to distract me until the lights turned green again. These days, I'm thrilled to see brake lights on the motorway because it means I can slow down. I suppose my theory is that if I panic and 'lose control' when the car isn't moving, no-one's going to get hurt, whereas panicking at 70mph could potentially be dangerous. That's what is holding me back - it's the only situation I can think of where panic could hurt someone. That said, it has happened to me many times and (touch wood!) I've been ok.

Have a read of the thread that Nic posted above - It sounds very similar to the driving fears you have and would be well worth reading.

And I agree that single lane roads are fine....! There is no logic to that bit...I'm fine overtaking on single lane roads and quite happy to drive at the speed limit. You are right in saying that it's because you can pull over

Thank you for your reply. We will beat it!

[pink daisy]

Hiya, I used to have a fear of motorways. as I felt you couldnt escape anywhere :-(
even In march last year I wouldnt actually drive far on a moterway yeah maybe 2 miles or so or just pulll over where i could so my hubby could take over.

But april last year I drove the whole way from Somerset to Scotland.. :-) I was nervous the first 5 miles or so then I actually flippin loved it.. before this I hadnt really over took a car or anything.. but when I was on this journey to scotland I over took Bloody big lorrys lol loads of them.. :-) I had the music on. I was singing loud.. my poor hubby lol

You can overcome things and they do get easier as time goes on but you need to push. as things dont get better if u stay doing the same things. . I have lots of things i need to work my arse off for to get further in my recovery But I know I will get there


Heres to recovery :-) we need goals thats good!! xx

[pink daisy]

I just read another bit of your post swan and I am the same if someone is in the car with me whilst im driving.. it feels they r watching u and will know if u feel anxious :-(

I feel then I am a crap driver.. But I have been having some diffrent freinds and family in my car latley and I have driven around my town with them in my car.. I felt anxious when i set off in car, but then it seems to get better and I settle.
I am fine when my husband is in the car with me its just everyone else. apart from when I have just my kids in the car I am totally fine. probualy as they argie with eacher rather seeing what im doing lol.

Like nic says the more u do the driving on the roads you dont like the more it will become a habbit. anxiety does die down. and it situations where u have to do somthing you do take controll.

[Dying_Swan]

Thanks for your helpful posts Kate. You did SO well to drive all the way to Scotland :yesyes: Don't know how you did it but that's incredible!

I'm glad I'm not the only one who finds it worse when having someone else in the car. I've had friends offer to come with me but I prefer to be on my own.

Well - today I didn't do any different routes but I did drive with more confidence so one foot forward - or half a step perhaps :D

Another thing I badly need to do is get more sleep, because I'm usually exhausted which makes me feel more anxious and so that doesn't help. Oh and I think I might need some new glasses :shades: After that, no more excuses!

Thanks again

[Dying_Swan]

Well I managed to have a spectacular PA yesterday on the dual carriageway!! It's one that I'm usually ok on but maybe writing about it here has brought it up more in my mind. Anyway, I'm not upset about it because it was a useful experience.....during it I was ....well, trying not to slam on the brakes....but also thinking about it and realised that although panicky, I knew exactly what was going on....I knew how fast I was going, who was behind/infront/beside me, and where I needed to turn off.

My biggest fear is that it's dangerous to panic when driving, and especially when driving fast. My PA's make me feel dizzy and faint, they don't affect my breathing/heart etc. So, I'm thinking maybe this was a blessing in disguise because I can use it as a reminder that even though I felt horrible I was perfectly in control of the car and I have no doubt I could still have reacted if I'd needed to.

Later on I went straight back out onto the highway as I knew it was important not to start avoiding even more roads. I was fine. I also found later on that I had a cough/cold etc starting so that's probably why I felt particularly rough.

Every cloud has a silver lining right? :blush:

[pinkpiglet]

I too have a fear of motorways! I can just about cope with a twenty minute journey and I am better when I know that theres not too much distance between junctions. My fear is so bad that i used to cross the lonely pennines to get to Manchester for work rather than braving the M62, it used to take me longer but it was my only option ath the time. Unlike you, i prefer to have someone sat with me and i feel more confident knowing that they will be there to calm me if i become panicky. I used to have a fear of traffic lights which was much worse than the motorway fear as it was harder to avoid (although i used to try to avoid them wherever possible! Now can you imagine that?? lol) All I can suggest is that we face our fears head on but at a pace we feel comfortable with. I once considered hypnotherapy but i'm glad i did not waste my money as my fear did disappear on its own!! I hope things get better for you soon xx

[Pinkangels]

Hi
Im terrible at driving. I dont even go out of my area any more, too daunting, and i only use the roads i know. I dont like motorways or the small country lanes, or driving in the dark. Just feel like im going to pass out and cause an accident, hurting my kids and other people............................................ ...wow I didnt realise I had that many issues driving lol!

I know what u mean about having other people in the car too.
I feel really self concious and find myself almost having to prove that I can drive fine, and theres no problem. I feel like I cant pull over if I have PA, as then they will judge me, or wonder what on earth im doing.

[Dying_Swan]

Thank you for your posts pinkpiglet and pinkangels :)

Pinkpiglet - well, you've done very well!! I can totally relate to driving across the pennines to avoid the motorway! It's the sort of thing I do and I say to myself that it's more scenic so it's the best way to go :D although where I live is a lot less scenic than the pennines lol. I used to hate traffic lights too so understand that. Anxiety is such a strange thing. Mine has leapt from one thing to another over the years...never quite know where it will pop up next!

Pinkangels - yup you sound a lot like me. I am ok on country roads although sometimes I feel a bit iffy if someone's behind me and it's dark etc. My motorway fear nearly extended onto those roads but I have no choice but to use one or the other, so have been ok. As for having someone else in the car, I'm absolutely the same and can't bear the thought of having to explain why I'm driving so erratically and stopping! I have never been able to tell anyone that I'm having a PA....in any situation...I have always tried to cover it up. I can't bear the thought of people knowing because it would make me even more anxious.

I'm going to a friend's this afternoon...I can take the A14 (10 minutes) or the back route (half an hour...but very scenic!!). I'll see.....

Thanks again peeps....really appreciate your replies

[JavaDave]

This is something I always feel could happen but never has, i put this down to the fact that I am focusing my mind on driving, my attacks seem to happen when I am not aactually doing anything that requires my attention, like sitting on a train, to combat this I tend to try and change my train of thought which can help, it just focuses my mind enough for the attack to subside, does not always work though.

[Dying_Swan]

I did it :yesyes: It's only a 10 minute drive but I did it both ways so am really pleased. Occasionally I drive there on the motorway but never back again...this time both!

When I was leaving earlier I was determined I would not bottle it but as soon as I started to get near the sliproad I felt anxious so drove around my village and thought that was it...but went back again and to my joy, the motorway was almost empty.

On the way back it was dark and raining and again I didn't think I'd actually pull onto the sliproad but I suddenly found I had no option and couldn't turn around, so away I went and was absolutely fine. I didn't overtake anyone but still pleased I didn't back out of it.

Only a small step I know but a step in the right direction.

JavaDave - I understand what you mean. My PA's have always happened when I've been trying too hard to focus on something. Panic is such a funny thing....I read so many people who have attacks at night etc and I can't imagine it. I've always been fine when I'm at home, but I think mine must have a hint of social anxiety mixed in because a lot of it is about what others will think of me if they realise I'm panicking. I used to be perfectly happy with motorway driving when I couldn't even go into shops, but now it's the other way around. I'm pleased to hear that yours hasn't affected you when you're driving. Well done for working on combatting your panic. You will get there :)

[Scorpa]

hi i have been driving for 8 years i have never been in an accident or had a problem with driving in fact i love driving!! and then six months ago i started having panic attacks and havent driven up to about two weeks ago, my panic starts befor i have even got in to the car, i did however manage to drive for thirty min the other day, i felt great, went to try again the next day, couldnt do it and since then i have had a panic attack every day, my car is sat outside would love to drive it be so scared. The feeling when it happens is like i will loose control, crash i dont know but if any one has any ideas they would be greatly appreciated

[Dying_Swan]

Hi Scorpa.

Thanks for your post. How has it been going? Have you attempted driving again? It's tough when panic affects things that you enjoy. I used to love a long motorway drive where I could listen to CD's and sing! Now it's my idea of a nightmare! I totally understand and know the feeling that you might lose control and have an accident. It's terrifying and feels so real.

What my therapist told me is that it depends on how distracted you are as to whether or not it's dangerous. So if you panic and have no idea what's happening around you because you're so anxious, then I guess it's a bit dangerous. However, I have tested this out and when I've been mid panic, I have realised I am more aware than ever of other vehicles etc. You generally have a heightened awareness when you're anxious because you're ready for action, so probably would respond even quicker than normal. Test it out sometime. Go out in the car, and if you panic, try to notice whether or not you know what's around. It's helped me to feel more confident.

I wanted to come on here and post that I've done a bit better over the past week so am feeling pleased. The other day I went back on the road I'd panicked on the week before, and was fine. Better than usual actually, I managed to overtake several times (which I hate more than anything). Today I went on the A14 twice...only short trips again but drove at the speed limit and on the way back I overtook a lorry. God I know this sounds so silly but I was chuffed. It's been months since I had the confidence to do that so it's good. At some point I need to brave the A1....I think I will do it at a weekend...probably should have done today but I don't want to push it and end up back at square one. I think a slowly but surely approach is better. Hope so anyway!

So all good for the moment, and it's helpful to be able to come and post about it on here, where people understand.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend :yesyes:

[snippy]

Hi dying swan,,,How is the driving going !!!!!

[jude uk]

When I was really bad with anxiety I had to overtake just to get there as quick as possible and driving fast in an old 1000cc mini is not much fun. How I ever reached 80mh amazed me, must have been a tail wind. I think for most its the feeling of being far away from help if anything goes wrong but in truth its safer to be on the motorway. As for having someone with you, man thats a plus because you can talk to them and I told anyone that got in my car I suffered from panic attacks........Hey that was my disclaimer incase I left the motorway and smashed into a field to escape the HGV driver:-)

I just dont look at the mile signs now because I dont want to know how far I have to go. Ok thats me avoiding it but it works for me


At the end of the day if we can drive from A-B and get there safe thats all that matters. Okay we dont want to drive from Glasgow to london using the B-roads but on a short journey its cool.

well done for just getting out there

[Martin Ell]

driving fast in an old 1000cc mini is not much fun
I share your pain. I drive a Peugeot with a 950cc engine. On the rare occasion I build up enough speed to overtake, the engines screams like it's about to explode lol.

Dying_Swan, fortunately for me I don't suffer panic attacks whilst driving, but I can understand why you might feel uneasy on motorways. My advice to you is use the hard shoulder as a "safety blanket". By this I mean rest assure knowing you can stop there anytime if you need to. Some people will debate whether a panic attack is serious enough to warrant stopping on the hard shoulder. I feel that it is and I'm sure everyone here will agree, so stop if you need to.

What also might help you is to lower your speed and allow you to feel more at ease and in control. I don't know what speed you drive at, but you don't have to do 70MPH on the motorway. I do about 50MPH purely because of the limitations on my car (much to the annoyance of other drivers).

I hope that helps :D