Depression, Health Anxiety, Thoughts of Dying

[katamaridamacy]

Hi All,

I'd just like somewhere to ramble a bit if that's okay, and for anyone reading to help with some reassuring words.

I've suffered from panic/anxiety for coming up to ten years. After overcoming the 'traditional' panic attack symptoms, I've spent the last few years battling health anxiety that has stopped me going out and socialising a lot.

All of this has resulted in what I *think* is mild depression, and a pre-occupation with death. Not suicidal thoughts or anything, but a 'what's the point?' question in my head a lot... if we're, y'know, all going to die. I'm not even that scared about it... just preoccupied. So annoying. I can't relax like I used to... even watching TV. The days seem long and drawn out because I know it'll be on my mind, and I'm kinda glad when I can get to bed.

I never, ever used to feel like this... and knowing that other people are getting on fine and not feeling like this (I'm only 25), makes me worse I think.

I have never told anyone about the death anxiety, but am considering booking CBT sessions next week. Will they help? I am already taking Citalopram for anxiety.

Is this all just a symptom of depression, or even loneliness (I work at home, and don't go out much because of health anxiety)?

Sorry for such a messy post. If anyone can offer any words of help, I would be so grateful.

Thanks. :)

[Maj]

Hello,

Sorry to hear that you're feeling so low. I don't necessarily think you are depressed, but I do think you probably have too much time to sit and analyze your thoughts. I think we all get a bit pre-occupied with death at some point in our lives. You are so young. Do you have friends that you can go out with? I think you will find that this would help lift your mind. Being at home all the time does dampen your spirits and you can get into a rut. Please don't feel bad about how you are feeling. You don't know how other people are feeling deep down! You have a good insight about how you feel and the fact that you have overcome panic attacks shows that you can recover. I think if you try and get out there and start enjoying life then you will stop the thoughts of death. Your thoughts are just stuck in a rut!! Don't despair. You will get there.
Myra:hugs:

[katamaridamacy]

Thank you for your reply, myra. :)

I'm going to try and get out a bit more. I'm actually going rock climbing today, but can't get the 'what's the point?' thought out of my head. My head feels tense and heavy with it, in fact.

The thought lingers on my mind, whatever I'm doing. Will this go away if I become more content with things?

I'm trying to let the thought's just 'be' and pass me by, and not get down about feeling down, as I know it is a very discouraging cycle. It's so hard though.

[nervy-paul]

Hiya,
I can equate to how you're feeling. I turned 33 at the start of the year, but still consider myself pretty young. I have suffered with cronic depression for as long as I can remember, getting good days and bad. I often feel 'what's the point?' I've never been suicidal, but do think about 'the end of things' now and again, I am spiritual and wonder what my purpose is - I don't really know at the moment, and wonder if I ever will. Feeling listless and useless at times, worrying people simply 'put up' with me as opposed to actually liking me. - Please don't think I'm copying what you have said katamaridamacy, but is as though you have read my mind with alot of what you've said. I wonder if I'm wasting my time when I go out and doing things, just treading water and going nowhere fast. I am also rambling, so will stop, but you're right, it is hard to get out of this vicious circle, despite all our efforts.

[Idstain]

I highly recommend a book by buddhist monk mathieu ricard ( sometimes calle d the happiest man alive). The book is called happiness .

Talks alot about what it means to be happy and how to become so and also talks about the meaning of life. Incredible book :)

[munkeyinblack]

I was preoccupied by this question for a long long time and i dont think i ever got my answer , cause well yeh we all will die one day. but i tihnk id rather go knowing tat id had a blast made people and myself happy and done something to be proud of rather than sitting contemplating the meaning of it all. Somtimes this kinda thought works sometimes not, but its a new angle to think from i guess
x

[randomworry]

yeah the whats the point of doing anything cos we are all going to die is common to everyone.. its only natural but the important part is how you react to it.
some say whats the point? so ill make the most of it!

others say whats the point? whats the point? whats the point? well you get the point...lol while you keep obsessing over whatever the point is you waste time.

i am not saying that to belittle your anxiety but the best way to stop this thinking is probably by staying really busy.

and anyway its all about the hokey pokey <-- i know this because its in the song!