Struggling

[ElizabethJane]

As along term sufferer of depression I have experienced many ups and downs. I am currently taking lithium 1,000mg and mirtazapine 45mg. I recently came off dothiepin after taking it for sixteen years. I know I'm low probably very low and day to day life is becoming a struggle yet I'm still managing. I feel very tired all of the time but cannot sleep when I go to bed. On Friday I experienced stomach cramps all day which could be anxiety, bowels or adhesions. I have a lot to cope with. My eighty year old father is to be admitted to hospital on Monday for potentially a very big major op. The consultant has already rang me and has said to my Dad that he has never performed that type of op before. So we are hoping that on Tuesday my Dad will have an angiogram on his face and that the consultant will be able to embolise the major artery that could rupture at any time. If not he faces major open surgery and plastic surgery on his face. I feel as if I am living in a time warp. I came home from work early on Friday because the phone calls from the hospital were disrupting my work. Poor Dad was in a terrible state thinking that he might die. I cannot reassure him that he won't die but it is one day at a time. Today we see him and he suprisingly calm. He said that he is ready to go into hospital. I know that I am living on a knife edge. At least I am going into work on Monday rather than going with him to the hospital. How do other people cope with such extreme emotions? I know that I have my Christian faith and I commit the situation to God. 'He' will look after my Dad and keep him safe.

[Carys]

Hiyer, I don't think many people do 'cope' with such extreme emotions, I think a lot of people just 'get through it' as best they can. It is natural that you are feeling so upset and in turmoil about your current situation, and you should allow yourself to feel a range of emotions. However, if a situation if outside your control, i.e. there is nothing you can do to change the circumstances as the surgeons are doing the operation and your father needs/has made the choice to have the surgery, then all you can do is keep your faith, support your father and try and maintain as normal a life as you can at this very difficult time. I am really sorry that you are facing this terrifying ordeal, and it is making you feel physically unwell...do you have anyone close to you who can help share this burden ?

[ElizabethJane]

Thank you Carys for your reply. No I'm not alone although it sometimes feels like it. My sister and I try to be together on this one although it is her birthday tomorrow so I will ring the hospital and make sure that a bed is available ands then ring my Dad. He has two sisters too. On is in her eighties too so really out of the picture and the other is in her seventies but wont talk to either me or my sister. I have felt a little better today and have been to church a different church to the one I normally go to. It is Candlemass so in this church they have a procession with lighted candles and incense and a special anthem. Light was steaming through the windows and I though if heaven was a bit this then it wouldn't be a bad place to go to. It was more than that as the sermon was about the light of Christ coming into the world. I felt so much at peace. I also mediated on the fact that Christ only allows us to experience things that he knows we will be able to cope with. To feel that peace and serenity this morning was amazing. I know that most people reading this won't be religious and it's not that I want to go to heaven now or wish that my Dad is going to go. It is more of a feeling of not being afraid of what is to come. There are all sorts of people praying for my Dad now and most importantly supporting me.

[KK77]

I hope that everything goes well for your dad ElizabethJane. I also hope that you start to feel better soon. I'm sure your faith and belief will guide you during this difficult time and wish you all the best.

[pollyanna]

Hi

You are really going through the mill at the moment. I really feel for you, :hugs:, i dont know if i can add much on to cary's reply, but wanted you to know that i will be thinking of you and your dad, and praying that you can both get through this very tough time. Embrace your faith if that is what will help you get through this, and the peace and calmness that it brought you today/yesterday.
I am always here for you my friend, if you ever want to chat, or just air your thoughts
Take care
P x

[ElizabethJane]

thankyou P and M that means a lot to me

[Maj]

Hello ElizabethJane,

I really feel for you. It's a worry when our parents are getting older and come up against health problems. I really admire your strong faith though, and think that this will really help you through this. I really hope your father gets through his operation okay and recovers well. He is a fortunate man to have such a caring daughter as yourself. Your explanation of church this morning did indeed sound idyllic. It's lovely when you have experiences like this. It can really warm your heart and uplift you. Please let us know how your father gets on.
Myra:hugs:

[Carys]

I'm so glad you found some time to feel peace, to give you strength for the operation ahead. Sending massive best wishes, do let us know how you get on.

[Bluebelle]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. One saying that has comforted me is "Sometimes you have to let go and let God".

I will be praying for you all
XXX

[traciec39]

Best Wishes to you all at what will be a trying time. I really hope your dad will be fine, Doctors can do wonderful things these days.
stay strong honeyxxxxxxxxxxxx